life

im not very old, but I have seen a lot.

My surroundings raised me because no one else could, it made me the person I am, as loud as I could see, I can hold the world on my shoulders, a failure. It made me a failure because I couldn't keep up with the dreams I had. I lost all momentum pouring my soul anywhere I could hoping some day someone would could give me what I needed because of this sickness I couldn't shake, aspiration. I stumbled and I fell trying to pour what ever peice of me into anything else until I hit the bottom and then and I looked around and empty room. It had been empty the whole time. The only people there were my fucking parents who only here from me when I needed over 250 dollars. i was so scared I had no idea where I stood with anyone not even my own family and they decided to send me away to the best mental care facility in the country. The surroundings that had raised me were gone, relationships, respect, dignity, sanity gone. the second I gave up my old life was the second my life started to get better unfortunately right around that time my parents couldn't afford Menninger and I was back home. I've been home for a while now I have have a job but even after serious contemplation i still do things some people wouldn't consider the best thing for me but I do it and any good I can in hopes that one day something or someone will do something and something will happen that I need but I don't know what I need so I'm lost but I think it's sapposed to find me but good luck!