Fixing a Sagging Mattress With Memory Foam When we first got our W Hotel mattress it was like an epiphany...a glorious awakening...no...Unfortunately after just less than a couple years, whether due to manufacturing issues or our combined weight being focused on one side (she likes to cuddle), the mattress developed a slight dip that ruined the perfect sleep the mattress once offered. I tried purchasing padded mattress pads, and they helped at first... Then later, my mom had an almost brand new and outrageously expensive magnetic mattress pad cover she wanted to get rid of (too hard). It was firm, super firm, which I hoped to help stabilize our sagging mattress with the minuscule possibility the magnetic feature would offer additional benefit. I am not much a subscriber into the pseudo-science of magnetic therapy via weak magnets, and my opinion was supported with first hand experience, as the pad didn't offer any health improvements upon extended use and actually resulted in some sore spots due to the firmness and hardness of the embedded magnets.
Two days ago while perusing Overstock, I noted there were now memory foam pads that offered a cooler temperature feature. I had tried and ditched memory foam due to their heat retaining characteristics...very uncomfortable. But I had a win-win situation here, as if the memory foam ended up being too hot as the primary surface, I could always tuck it underneath the firm magnetic mattress pad for an inbetween ride. The package arrived today and we unrolled the huge pad. Touching and laying on it, it did indeed feel "cooler" with visible larger holes for ventilation, but with a muggy-damp sort of sensation that didn't exactly make me feel comfortable. Upon putting it ontop of our existing mattress with the magnetic pad over it, we can now only see half of our headboard, but the overall feel of the bed now feels as close as what I can remember our W Hotel Bed feeling like at first...very cushy at first but with a supportive cushion at its foundation. Emily is a bit wary, noting it still feels too firm (she loves memory foam by itself, since she often gets too cold).
We'll find out tonight and report back about how the new and improved bed performs, perhaps a "he said, she said" review.Four years ago, we bought a mattress. We did as everyone suggests: we went to the store, camped out on it for a little while. The saleslady of course just hovered like a hummingbird, staring at us while we tried out the new bed. I don’t know if she thought were going to try to do the rumpy-pumpy or something, but she just stood there. Still, the test totally worked. It was the most comfortable bed on which I’d ever draped my torpid form. My wife and I both looked at each other and were like, “Yes. This is our new bed.” The bed was a Sealy latex mattress. A “Tranquil Sea” mattress. Which is a silly name, because the last thing I want to do is sleep on the ocean, tranquil or no. It has sharks and giant squid and Dagon’s babies hiding down in the watery dark. Sleeping on the ocean will not give me comfort, but that’s how these product names are.
(We’re also shopping now for paint colors, and paint colors are named even more hilariously. We took the mattress home. But it wasn’t long before we noticed a slight… give to the material. We were slowly sinking into the mattress. At first, that was kinda nice. “It fits me like a glove!” I said, laughing as I shimmied my body down into the warm embrace of our new bed. Eventually, however, those slight depressions turned into a pair of inescapable ditches. Which then turns the middle of the bed into a giant hill, like it’s some kind of Anglo-Saxon burial mound. (I’m fairly certain that Oswald killed Kennedy not from within a building but rather from the berm rising up from the center of our shitty mattress.) Of course, when you’re up off the mattress, the deep furrows are not so plain to see — and despite being only four years into a 10-year-warranty, we’re pretty much fucked because when the Mattress Bastards come to measure the depth of our uncomfortable rifts, they will discover that each trench is odd but not dramatically odd and so, sorry, fuck you
, stick a mattress coil up your no-no-hole, please enjoy your latex slumber-condom, nerds. Point is, now we’re back to shopping for a new mattress. Which, as you know if you’ve ever done it, is a descent into a realm of lies and madness. One mattress at one store — “This is our Endless Whisperer Pillow-Top model” — is actually different from the same-named mattress at another store. So it’s not like you can price compare on most of these, unless you want to buy a Tempurpedic, which are apparently wonderful but also cost as much as a used car. Plus, they ask you all those questions. “Are you a back sleeper? Do you have sciatica problems? Will you be having ‘the sex’ on this bed? Do you sleep eight hours? Do you like to be stung by bees while you sleep, or not stung by bees? Do you eat in bed? Have you ever killed a man? Can you help me dispose of this body?” Eventually, you answer all the questions and they direct you to what is the most expensive mattress in the store, some Astronaut Bed stuffed with the lavender-scented hair of orphaned children, and you tell them, “But I don’t want to pay $6700 for a new mattress,” and they’re like, “But there’s a 700,000-year warranty,” which sounds great until you realize that the warranty basically only covers incidents where the mattress turns into an actual monster from Hell and tries
(Our mattress has only turned into a metaphorical monster.) So they direct you to the cheapest mattress just to be a dick, and it’s basically a pallet of bricks draped in a musty tablecloth, and they’re like, “That’s called our ‘Spinal Shame’ model and it’s $300. It has a 17-minute warranty,” which again, who cares, because the warranties are dogshit. Then there’s all the upselling — pillows and frame and boxspring and dust ruffle and bondage saddle. Then you have to work on the price to get it down because of course the all-important mattress industry is like the car industry (because surely a mattress is as complex an object as an automobile!) and you’re suddenly haggling over price because this mattress has coils 2mm smaller than that other mattress and blah blah blah. Then maybe while you’re standing there you Google some reviews and half the reviews talk about how the mattress killed their mother and half of them say it’s the best thing since angel nipples and next thing you know, you’ve panicked and fled the store and continue to sleep on your own crapgasmic mattress until it dissolves beneath you and you buy a fucking sleeping bag because fuck it