Lately, I’ve been doing most of my home furnishings shopping in the alley and thrift store. But last week, I wanted to price some small sofas for my mother-in-law’s apartment, so I made my semi-annual* trip to the nearest Chicagoland IKEA. IKEA is a swirling vortex of my least favorite things: shopping, driving and being around indecisive people in strange suburbs. But over the years I’ve figured out how to make the IKEA experience a tolerable, even mildly pleasant one. Any fool with an internet connection can advise you not to shop there on a Saturday, or to make a list, or to take measurements before you leave the house, because that’s true of any shopping trip. But today you’re going to finally learn what you’ve been doing wrong all these years, with Projectophile’s handy list of IKEA DOs and DON’Ts. shop with your spouse or significant other. I only go with my friend Bjorn (not his real name). Bjorn is the perfect IKEAmate: a pleasant man who has known me for ten years, understands my lifestyle and taste, and cares about my well-being.
But more importantly, he doesn’t have to live with the consequences of my decisions, so there’s no bickering. Plus, his hybrid car means we get to park ten feet closer to the door! wear comfortable shoes at least one size too big to account for the inevitable foot swelling. The average IKEA shopper will walk at least 9 miles, mostly in circles, before she finds that perfect coat rack. At least three of those miles will be in search of a bathroom. be a neighborhood hero. Nobody likes going to IKEA. Ask your friends and neighbors if there’s anything you can pick up for them while you’re there. wear a yellow shirt. For the same reason you don’t wear red to Target or a black turtleneck to the Apple Store: desperate people will ask you questions. I begged an innocent young woman in a yellow shirt to show me how a sleeper sofa opened. Once I realized that she was a civilian, I was too embarrassed to end the tutorial (plus, she was good at her “job!”). Later, I spotted her in the check-out hiding beneath her husband’s green sweater.
block out the entire day for shopping. If possible, free up the early evening as well for recovery and reflection. Bjorn and I ended our IKEA day by sitting in a dark room, sipping a cleansing kale-banana-and-ginger smoothie. obey the cryptic signs posted at the door. If your hands emit radio signals, it is important to connect them with a child who also emits radio signals, before you enter the enormous revolving doors: If you’ve lost your hands and feet, immediately run on your stumps to toward the giant hand on the door that is pointing up. sit down and eat as soon as you arrive. Deep-sea divers know they’ll get the bends if they immediately plunge to the ocean floor. You, too, need to slowly acclimate to the pressure of the IKEA-nviornment. Plus, the drive from Chicago to its Northwest Suburbs is traumatic; Bjorn and I always get tangled up in some tentacle of O’Hare International Airport (ORD). The lunch break is a good time to discuss why we didn’t just give in, hop on the next flight to South America, and — hey, meatballs!
take a shopping cart. Bjorn and I challenge ourselves to shop as long as we can without a cart. “If you can’t carry it, you don’t need it” is our motto. Though in reality, we don’t need any of this shit. Be warned: particleboard is heavy, and this is how you may feel the next morning: assume code names while on IKEA property. You never know who’s listening. For example, I called Bjorn (not his real name) “Ekby Tony” in a faux Brooklyn-Italian accent. steal a bunch of these tiny pencils. You’re not actually Sticking it to The Man. These pencils are carefully engineered to only reach the second knuckle of an adult finger, rendering them useless beyond their purpose of scribbling bin and aisle numbers. Curtains: Both window treatments and shower curtains are cheap, lovely and durable. We liked our IKEA “cattail” shower curtain so much, we decided to take our Adult Prom** photos in the bathroom: POANG: Generally, I don’t recommend buying IKEA furniture, but this classic chair — made from solid bent wood — is sturdy, comfortable and cheap;
my favorite chair for nursing. But save a trip to the ‘burbs: on any given day, you can find a dozen for sale on Craigslist. Sadly, though, this hypnotic chair-punching machine is not for sale: DO NOT BUY → * Semi-annual = twice a year. Biannual = every two years. ** Adult Prom is a real thing we just invented because none of our friends are getting married anymore, and it’s fun to dress up and drink punch.Affordable, well-designed furniture for every size of home at IKEAIKEA was established in 1943, by Ingvar Kamprad; the unusual name is an acronym, representing the founder’s initials, along with those of the house and town where he grew up, Elmtaryd and Agunnaryd. The business initially dealt with mail orders, but began opening physical stores in the 1950’s. These were joined by international IKEA branches from the 1960s. Now there are nearly 400 stores around the globe and in 2008, IKEA was confirmed as the world’s biggest furniture shops.
They keep prices low by asking customers to be part of the retail process, in that their role is to assemble the flat packs of furniture that IKEA is famous for.Where to Shop for IKEA FurnitureIKEA have a well-organised retail website where most items are available to purchase online. For access to every product in their range, you’ll have to visit one of their 21 UK shops. To find your closest branc, click on “Your Local IKEA Store“ on their website and then select a location for more information.IKEA organise their website into a number of different departments, so that shoppers can easily navigate to the products they need:IKEA have a regular summer and winter sale, during these periods selected products or ranges are reduced by up to 50% in store. They also reduce the price of discontinued stock and seasonal products, like those promoted during Christmas and summer. Sometimes discounts are specific to each store. They also send out vouchers in the post and via e-mail for IKEA Family Card members, which can only be used in store.
you can choose to log in to your personal account or continue with the process as a guest. After you’ve entered your details, you can then choose to register as a member, if you wish. Joining the IKEA Family scheme has a number of benefits, you are entitled to discounts in the cafe, some products are reduced and at certain times of year you can win prizes each time you swipe your card. You’ll also be invited to workshops and events held in store. IKEA have a new catalogue each season whichcontains details on each available range. Complimenting this, there are separate catalogues for Kitchens, Wardrobes, Bathrooms, Bedrooms, and IKEA Business. These are available to view online or to pick up in store. There is also an extensive digital brochure with interactive content, tips and ideas., IKEA accepts Maestro, MasterCard, IKEA Business Card, Visa, Visa Electron and Delta.Wonderful Everyday Life with IKEAIKEA deliver to most parts of England, Scotland and Wales. To see if you are eligible for delivery, use their Postcode checker.
You can choose between two options when you’d like IKEA to deliver your order. The first is Parcel Delivery which is used to send items weighing up to 25kg. This service costs £7.50 and is available Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm, and is provided by Parcel Force. However, if you order a range of smaller items, they could have a combined weight of 100kg so please be aware of possible charges.Many of the items IKEA deliver are large, so as part of their Truck Delivery service, they will bring your purchase in to any room in your home. Truck Delivery charges start from £35, but vary depending on your postcode; the actual price is worked out during the ordering process. Within 72 hours of your order being placed, IKEA will tell you when they’ll be delivering your goods. If you provide a mobile number, you can also expect a text message to confirm the date.You can return faulty or unwanted goods to IKEA within 365 days, even if the item is assembled. It does need to be in a resaleable condition however.
To get a refund from IKEA here’s what you need to do:Alternatively, take the item back to an IKEA store, along with your proof of purchase. Your refund will be credited to the card you paid on.IKEA have a number of social media accounts where they communicate with customers, post new ideas for using their products and give tips on interior design. You can like them on Facebook, tweet them at, watch their videos on YouTube or look at their pages on Pinterest.IKEA have two free apps. The IKEA Store app enables you to search for a nearby branch, view their products and make a shopping list. The IKEA Catalogue app lets users view the entire IKEA range and has extra videos and product stories.IKEA have a blog that’s regularly updated with design ideas, seasonal features and articles focussing on a particular type of room. If you sign up for their newsletter you can expect a regular selection of offers and interior design ideas.If you have a query or complaint about any IKEA product or service, you can contact their Customer Support Centre via hotline on 020 36450000 for issues relating to a store, or on 020 36450015 for online orders.