I am
My name is and I think that I might not exist. Okay, that probably sounds weird, but hear me out. It took a while for me to notice. I don't leave the house much, but every once in a while, I have to step outside for some reason or other. Gotta buy food, gotta breathe, and so on. But nobody seems to be seeing me. I have long ago dropped out of school. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. My parents sent me to psychologists and so on, but nothing could help me. I just refused to have anything to do with other people. I closed myself up in my room, refused to speak to anyone, and retreated into myself. My parents more or less accepted the situation, and left me alone. I never spoke to anyone, just drifted around silently. I barely even talked to my parents. Anyway, I went to the grocery store to buy some chocolate, right? I'm all wrapped up in a hoodie, holding my chocolate, standing in front of the cashier. But the guy behind the counter didn't seem to see me. He kept doing business with the people behind me. But I'm really anxious, so I didn't say anything. Finally I lost patience and said loudly, "Excuse me? Could I please buy my thing?" Nothing. No reaction. I got angry. I shouted, "STOP IGNORING ME!" The cashier paused. Looked in my direction. But it was if he was seeing through a fog. He strained his eyes. Finally, he turned away from me, back to the next customer. Fuming, I grabbed the chocolate and left the store. Or at least, I tried to. The automatic doors refused to open. That was when I realized that this was not some unfunny prank. This was real. I banged on the door. Nobody turned to look. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Could somebody open this door?!" All that I got were a few vague stares. Finally, someone else entered the store, and I was able to escape. I ran home, screaming as loud as I could. Nothing. A car almost ran me over in the street. I rushed through the door, hyperventilating. I could feel my asthma rising up in me. Freaked out, I ran to my mother like I was a little kid again. I screamed, "Mom! MOM! LOOK AT ME!" She turned around. And walked through me. No, not like a ghost. She just, kinda, nudged me aside. Wasn't hard for her to do. I'm the kind of person that gets out of the way of other people. For a moment, I was shocked. Then I panicked. I grabbed her and started shaking her. **"MOM! PLEASE! LOOK AT ME! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOUR SON! PLEASE!!!!"** She extricated herself from my grip, looking confused. But also...... There were tears in her eyes. She had this look on her face, like she was trying to remember something *so hard*, but it refused to come to the surface. Heartbroken, I retreated to my only true friend in the world. My computer. I eventually realized that I could I actually reach out to people over the internet. It makes sense. The internet is all about anonymity, after all. But every time I try to tell people where I am, who I am, it doesn't work. For example, my address is . Anything? Nope. I am a non-person. it stops soon. There are pictures of me on the wall, from back when I was happy. But I can't see them. I don't think anyone can. There's a thick mist over them. It makes my eyes hurt. I have to look away. The family dog is whining. It's looking for something. Me, probably. The name that I put on all my clothing is gone. It's hard to remember it. I think it's but I can't be sure. Everything seems so empty and colorless now. So vague. I'm listening to a song right now, as I write this. It's *Exist* by Reflections. It seems apt. But even as I'm listening, the song is fading further and further away. I'm hearing it through a dense static. But the static is silent. That's me. I'm white noise. If I get out of this, I'm going to hug my parents tight. I'm going to tell them how much I love them. I'm going to make friends. I'm going to be the loudest person in every room. I just didn't realize Everything seems so and I just wish I like everything is more real than me. It's like the tree that falls in the forest, isn't it? If a person has no friends, never attempts to reach out to anyone, and nobody knows him, does he really exist? I'm terrified. This is what I always wanted, wasn't it? To be left alone. For people stop bothering me. And I should like it. I really should. For now. I can do whatever I want. Walk, Sleep, Steal, whatever I want. But it's scary. Right now I might have vanished to everyone else. But what if one day no.... **PLEASE!** ..... ^(help) ^(me....)