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I'm like a ghost in this house sometimes. A ghost that goes by unnoticed until I've done something wrong. I'm a bright and bubbly person who gets pushed into the shadows to suffer alone. My emotions are swept into the shadows as if they don't even exist. I'm like the saying 'If a tree falls in the forest and no one sees it then did it really happen?' but in my case 'If I'm struggling and my family don't notice then am I really struggling or am I just being dramatic?' 

I feel like I show so many warning signs as if I'm screaming at them to notice and yet they don't. I guess I'm just good at playing it off, faking it until I make it out of the house and into a new place where I can thrive. Finally be able to properly express myself instead of hiding it away in my messy dark room. 

I'm a loud person who goes silent at home. I'm a headstrong person who can't speak up for myself at home. I'm a person riddled with trauma who has to act like nothing happened at home. If 'Home is where the heart is' then why is home the place I dread to be.

It's the comments that get me. It's the comments that hit the hardest and that I always remember. The ones that are said behind my back and the ones that are said to my face. 

"She never does anything in this house, she's so unhelpful."

"You should have done it last night."

"You're room is such a mess."

"My goal is to lose my virginity before you."

"Oooh are you finally going to start working out?"

"You're so lazy, you need to clean up after yourself!"

"You know when you move out there are so many rules like you'll actually have to clean up after yourself!"

"Oh you bought even more clothes!?"

"You're sick cause you've been staring at your phone."

"Are you feeling sick cause you ate too much food when you were out?"

"Did you eat something unhealthy while you were out?" 

Living in a house where you are constantly judged and criticized is so difficult.