Hi

I don't know what you think of me right now. Perhaps you feel I'm not giving you any attention due to ego. Or perhaps you feel that I find you to be of no value and hence am not interacting with you.

It is nothing like that. Only you can assign your value. I need to find a way forward in this conflict. It is really going out of hand for no reason at all. Always flareups. It's driving me crazy. Until then, I don't feel like interacting much. That is how I deal with things. You probably don't like this about me. But now I'm getting some clarity and handle on the situation.

I too don't want to seem artificial or keep talking and pretending nothing has happened and everything is alright. Perhaps you don't give a damn about it right now.

First of all, this has nothing to do with your inner qualities. I know you put up a whatsapp profile pic stating that you are not after money etc... I have no doubt that you have very good qualities and are a very caring and loving person. For me this is more about how we are going to interact in the long term.

I've been thinking and framing this letter all day. I've been reading our conversations that led to this. Strange that we have very big flareups on special days.

You mentioned that I'm constantly finding or talking about issues that don't match with you and hence also with my expectations. Also sending you videos you have no interest in and asking questions about the video.

For me, telling you about and sharing my videos/articles are not to show off or put other people down. Among all the things in life, these are things I enjoy doing and so would like you to know and participate. This is one of the ways I feel you can get to know me better.

Now you have more or less given the signal that I should keep certain interests to myself. In a way, thinking deeply about it, I feel that is a fair enough request to make.

In my mind, here is what I would have expected of you in the least. Agreed, you don't like reading or books or literature etc... When I asked about the videos, I would have hoped you have found some of the parts as interesting as I have and started a conversation on that. Then I would get to know more about you and your perspectives on the situation. Then we could have had an exchange of ideas and our thoughts on the subject.

The questions are not to intimidate you or try to show you my "superior" attitude or skills. The questions are definitely not to put your down or test your knowledge about the lastest trends or make you feel low. What would I possibly gain by doing that? I am mainly curious as you to your thoughts about the video/articles that I found to be worthy to be shared with you. That's all.

So don't worry anymore about me pushing topics to you which are of no interest to you.

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Now coming to the main thing on your mind, about me not giving a damn about your feelings and not being supportive. I feel I have always encouraged you to try new things and new outlooks. Yesterday, I saw this video about marriage, romance, love, etc... They were talking about friendship and how being best friends first really strengthens the bonds needed for anything else in the future. Here, I feel much work needs to be done. After so many months and all this drama, I am wondering if we have reached that stage.

I feel you get way too emotional if you feel you are not getting enough attention or time or if your feelings are not understood. Especially, you feel I should automatically understand your emotions. For me, this was the main turning point. You feel I don't give enough attention to you especially when other situations come up as an interruption. 

I myself felt I could have done better. But each time you kept blaming me of purposely ignoring you or giving others preference over you, I felt turned off simply because it was not true and you kept insisting on it. Also this persistent thought that I keep comparing you to women of my past. When I have not mentioned anything about it. This cycle of me being distant and then miscommunication has been increasing.

I'm sure you have a similar situation to tell about my selfish behaviour. Now after writing all this where does that leave things.

I don't want a situation where we are trying to avoid opening up to each other because the other person will get offended.

As I mentioned before, I firmly believed that the universe brought us together for a reason. But, I also believe that is not enough.

Forget everything, just being like best friends and being able to share anything and joke around without getting offended is getting to be tricky.

So that is where we need to start if anything positive is happen going forward.