Her

Merely fiction. As a part of the original alternative universe series. You may visit the author's channel for more, including a bunch of upcoming stories. Critique, suggestion or impression would be highly appreciated by contacting the assistant bot.

Relationship: Im Nayeon/Park Jihyo

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Fluff, Implied Self Harm, Mentioning Heavy Anxiety

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One shot.

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‘You’re worthless!’

The voice echoed in her head, making her ears ring while her body tremble.

Previously held back tears sprung free, weakening her state of mind. She could not stop the intense tremors that her body was facing or the way her chest tightened as if someone was squeezing her heart brutally.

“I’m not.” Nayeon tried, attempting to sound brave while in reality it just came out as a broken murmur. “Jihyo… Jihyo said I’m not.”

‘You think she loves you?!’ The voice screeched, making the migraine upon Nayeon's head ten times worse. ‘She gets paid to pretend. All she wants is a loyal lap dog, like you, that will follow her everywhere. She doesn’t need or want you. We both know that she could have anyone she wanted with the snap of her fingers!’

Slowly, Nayeon lifted her gaze. It took a few moments, but she was eventually able to focus on her physical appearance.

There were dark bags under her empty brown eyes, while her face appeared flushed and emotionless. Her skin clung to her fragile bones for dear life, making them appear upon her stomach and chest. Scars were scattered across her now pale figure. While some were angry and red, not yet completely healed, others were white and calm. Nayeon did always like to take her time with everything.

The woman's arms came up to wrap themselves around her broken body, shaking tremendously. Tears welled up in her eyes again, and Nayeon already knew she would have another breakdown.

Without any warning, Nayeon’s legs gave out, making her drop to the floor with a hard thud.

The woman sat there, unable to move. There were tears already cascading down her face, blinding her view.

Nayeon wiped her tears away furiously. She hated having to see herself in the mirror or to even look down at her body. It was nauseating to have to stare at the furious lines around her torso and limbs.

‘You’re so fat and ugly.’ The voice returned, this time with a more venomous tone than ever. ‘You should carve that on your body, then you will always remember how fat and ugly you are. Oh wait, you already did!’

Glassy brown eyes inspected the old lines that formed such terrible words. Her left thigh was cursed with the word ‘ugly’ while her right had ‘fat.’ It only served as a reminder of who she was, or at least that’s what she always told herself until she met Jihyo.

‘Jihyo? You mean the woman that cringes every time she looks at your body?’ The voice laughed devilishly, causing Nayeon to squeeze her eyes shut in an attempt to escape. ‘She will leave sooner or later. What did you expect? She already has everything she could want, why would she waste her time with you? You’re just another disappointment!’

“I-I’m...” The Irish woman could not form a coherent sentence. She brought her knees close to her and hugged her naked frame, finally letting more tears free. The bathroom was rather chilly, especially at such an ungodly hour, but she didn’t feel anything. She felt nothing yet her whole self was in pain. “I’m not good enough for her.”

‘Don’t take it personally, you’re just not good enough for anyone, period.’ The voice retorted before letting out a maniacal chuckle. ‘You’re a waste of time and space. Jihyo will realize that very soon. That is if she hasn’t already, of course.’

“Just stop it!” Nayeon yelled, her voice quivering as did her body. The more logical side of her knew that it was only her mind betraying her, but then again, what if it wasn’t? “What if.. What if Jihyo doesn’t love me anymore?” The last part barely came out as a low whisper.

‘You act like she ever did in the first place.’ At this, Nayeon had to clench her jaw, anger already flowing through her veins, though she had no idea who or what it was directed at. ‘She is Park Jihyo for God’s sake. Did you really think that she would actually care about you? That anyone would care? You really should do the world a favor and just k-‘

“Nayeonie?” A groggy voice sounded from the other side of the door, immediately snapping Nayeon from her self-destructive thoughts. “Are you okay?”

Nayeon let out a frustrated sigh, not for her lover’s concern, but for the fact that she was letting her mind win. Maybe she was really a waste of space. Maybe Jihyo would be better off without her. Maybe she should just do everyone a favor.

“Unnie, I want to make sure you’re-“

Before Jihyo finished her thoughts, the door was suddenly opened and she was tackled to the floor by a shaking Nayeon.

The older woman hugged her girlfriend as if her life depended on it, which, to be honest, it really did. Jihyo was the reason why Nayeon got out of bed each morning. She was the reason why she smiled everyday as she worked on her next designs. The woman was a radiating ball of positive energy, just what Nayeon so desperately needed. She was her world, her universe.

“You’re okay, Nayeon.” Jihyo cooed as she returned the emotional embrace. Her heart broke as she watched the other woman crying and shaking tremendously while holding onto her for dear life. She leaned down and kissed the top of Nayeon's head that was covered with the eccentric curls that she loved so much. Her right hand grabbed the woman’s waist with enough force to let her know that she was protected. Meanwhile, her left hand drew imaginary circles against Nayeon's scarred arms. “I’m right here, baby. I got you.”

Nayeon felt herself grow more emotional as she heard the sweet words that Jihyo dedicated to her. This woman did not deserve all of the emotional baggage that she carried with her. She didn’t deserve to suffer because of Nayeon. She deserved the best things in life, that including a partner that was much more suited to make her happy.

“I don’t deserve to be here.” Nayeon wailed against Jihyo's chest, which was covered with a silk black robe that served to muffle her screams. She felt as the arms around her tightened their grip, pushing her as close to the brunette as humanly possible. “I’m not enough for anybody, especially not myself. I never do anything right and I just hurt people. I am so tired of this. I just want the pain to stop.”

Instead of freaking out as she would normally, Jihyo stayed still and kept on protecting her Rosie. She knew of the woman’s past, specifically that having to do with the scars upon her body. Jihyo also knew that if she were to freak out, Nayeon would too, and then the situation would have worsened .

She tried to scan the woman’s body for any signs of a fresh cut, but found none, which did relieve her, though not completely. There were still the thoughts that swarmed Nayeon's mind, which Jihyo could physically do nothing about. She simply held the woman closely, not ever wanting to let her go.

Careful to not make the situation any worse for Nayeon, Jihyo spoke gently and chose her words wisely.

“Do you want to go to the hospital? Or we could stay with the other six at Jeongyeon's warehouse.”

“I’m scared. I don’t want to go to the hospital. It hurts so much to think about everything that’s happened there. I don’t want to go back there. Please, Jihyo, promise me that I won’t go back!” Nayeon's voice broke as she let out a strangled sob. She buried her head on the crook of Jihyo's neck, letting more tears go as she did. “I cannot go back.”

“You won’t, Rosie. I promise.” Jihyo kissed the woman’s cheek sweetly. She played with the woman’s beautiful blonde curls knowing just how much it soothed her. “Breathe, my love. I’m right here and I got you.”

Several minutes passed until Nayeon's breath had gotten back to normal and there were no more tears springing from her eyes. Both women were still in the same position, Jihyo sitting on the hardwood floor while Nayeon occupied her lap.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Jihyo hesitatingly asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had formed between them. She felt Nayeon's body tense as she spoke. “You don’t have to. I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Hm.” Nayeon thought for a moment as to what she should decide. She knew that either way, she would end up telling Jihyo sooner or later. It was only logical to get it over with now. “My mind was bothering me, yet again. She was telling me rather unpleasant truths...or at least they seemed real.”

“Unnie, I know you’re very overwhelmed right now, but I need to know if you were planning to hurt yourself.” Jihyo spoke with an empathetic tone, not wanting to scare Nayeon away, but help her instead.

“No. I never was, or at least until she started bothering me.” The older woman sighed in frustration at her weakness. Jihyo would say I’m being strong. It made her smile to think of the support her girlfriend offered. “But I do believe that if you had not helped me, I could’ve done something I would have regretted later. “

“Do you want to call your therapist today?” Jihyo inquired as she looked down to meet Nayeon's tired eyes. She felt a pang in her heart as she noticed just how broken the woman seemed. All she wanted to do was hug her and make all her problems disappear. “We can do it first thing in the morning.”

“Will you be there with me?” Nayeon questioned softly as she stared up at the brunette.

“Of course, if you want. We can call her together.” The starlet replied nonchalantly, smiling at the way Nayeon looked up with her infamous ‘puppy face’. “We’ll call her together in the morning then. Sounds good?”

“Yes.” Nayeon replied, not wanting to move from Jihyo's warm embrace just yet. It felt so right in that moment. She forgot about all her worries while laying there and taking in all of the younger woman’s love. “Do you hate me?”

Immediately after Nayeon spoke in a damaged voice, Jihyo's hold on her body became stronger. The woman kissed her forehead softly, her lips lingering as she sighed.

“I could never hate you. There is nothing that you could ever do to make me hate you.” Jihyo murmured against her lover’s forehead. Her left hand traveled down until it reached one of Nayeon's . She laced their fingers and studied how perfect they looked together. “I love you so much, Nayeon unnie, and I always will. You are my favorite woman ever.”

The older woman giggled as she heard Jihyo's pun. She pressed a kiss against the woman’s neck before shifting to straddle her lap, her girlfriend’s hands immediately coming to rest upon her hips.

“Thank you for everything.” Nayeon mumbled as she grabbed Jihyo's face. Her lips ghosted over the other pair, enjoying the intimate moment as much as she could. “I love you too.”

They kissed until they were both out of breath, her lips bruised from the amorous contact. Their foreheads were pressed together as they continued their embrace.

“We should get back to sleep.” Jihyo stated as she watched Nayeon yawn. She finally took in the woman’s torn state. The designer, usually a wild curly mess with an adorable anxious personality, seemed defeated. Even with the lack of a light source, the only one being the bathroom lights, Jihyo could see the tears tracks on the woman’s flushed cheeks. She noticed how her frozen body quivered wildly. That’s when it hit her. “You must be freezing!”

Jihyo acted quickly as she used all her strength to pick up the smaller woman. She walked the short distance to the bed and set her down. Her hands immediately grabbed the bedsheets to cover the shaking woman.

“Honey, I know that you love sleeping in the nude, but try not to freeze to death.” Jihyo joked as she undid the knot on her robe. She let the piece of silk cascade down her own naked body, pooling at her feet once it reached the floor. She made a mental note to pick it up whenever she woke up. “Put something on if you have to leave the bed. Hypothermia can be a real bitch.”

Nayeon chuckled lightly and Jihyo swore she fell more in love with the woman before her, if that were even possible. She moved to lay down right behind the designer, promptly wrapping her arms around her frigid figure.

After an hour of comfortable silence, with Nayeon already asleep, Jihyo laid alone with her thoughts. Her right hand traveled across her lover’s naked back, softly touching the many scars on it.

Anger boiled inside of her as she remembered the time Nayeon had sat her down and told her about her past with her abusive family. She had been livid in that moment, but instead of acting upon her anger, she comforted Nayeon. Jihyo still wondered why someone would ever harm her lovely bunny.

Her fingertips moved to the woman’s hip and ghosted over the raised white marks. The thought of Nayeon hurting herself made Jihyo sick to her stomach. She had only caught the woman doing in once, months ago, but it was all in the past. The only thing that mattered was the Nayeon was still alive and well. Maybe she wasn’t completely well mentally, but Jihyo would do everything in her power to make the love of her life more comfortable.

“I’m so proud of you, Rosie. You’re so brave and beautiful.” Jihyo whispered, her voice quivering, as low as she could, not wanting to disturb her lover from her much needed slumber. “You’ve been through so much and yet you’re still here. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. God, you’re so wonderful.”

Jihyo shifted closer to the older woman, her naked body pressing against the scarred back. She then spotted the scars that got to her the most. Those that were on her thighs, the angry lines that spelled such toxic words. It broke her heart to imagine a 17-year-old Nayeon hating herself so much to the point where she felt the need to do that.

“You’re not fat nor ugly. You are a beautiful Nayeon, the most beautiful woman ever. Your body is perfect just the way it is, and I love it.” The starlet nuzzled her nose against the wild mane of blonde curls, inhaling the signature lavender smell of the woman. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. I promise I will never let anybody hurt you again. I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

Jihyo hugged the sleeping woman against her body. The tears that she had been holding back ever since her conversation with Nayeon were finally freed. They quietly cascaded down her face as she smiled sadly.

“Please don’t leave me. I could never survive without my precious bunny.”