help

I know this is out of line. I said I’d be able to make this easier for us to cut me out of your life and vice versa. And I’ve already failed at it now. Because I can’t get myself to cut you out cold like you’re nothing. You’re too meaningful in my life and I can’t find the will to throw you out of it. And I thought maybe I’m still meaningful in yours. You don’t deserve my wordy constant-challenging and assholeness and I’m sorry I’ve been like that. You revealed to me it can be a deep flaw. I just feel like we can try more to find a way for us to keep our presence and connection mutually healthily. I just want to try. And talk about it. If you’ve already made up your mind now and decided you want to stick course to this.. I understand. And if you don’t respond, which idek if you’ll get this msg actually, I’ll stop trying to reach you out of respect and you can move on more peacefully. It’s hard to decide what’s the best thing to do versus what feels most strong to do. Im sorry for adding more stress.