fuck

I know that I am an asshole, I know that I'm selfish and only care about myself. But I try so hard to not always be an asshole, I try so hard to include everyone. I message people when they aren't in the call to see if they want to play, I always try to invite everyone and get everyone in on everything and not to exclude anyone where possible. But holy shit, I cannot take the way I get treated anymore. It's like an abusive relationship at this point and I just keep coming back. You guys have made a discord without me, you left and didn't say anything to me because of my other friends doing some minor "trolling", you guys constantly shit on me more than anyone else for no reason. And I know I do this shit too, but not to this extent, It's like everything I say to you guys is a joke and doesn't matter. Yes I shit on you guys for no reason too but I try not to be an asshole, I know it comes off as I am but I try not to be. And before you guys pull the "It's just banter!" card, at this point, I don't know if I would classify it as banter anymore. It may seem that way to you but it's nothing more than painful to me. Maybe I am just overreacting about this whole joining another call situation, in the same way that you are overreacting to the shit my other friends did. This whole situation just made me realize how bad it actually is. Can you guys truly say you treat me the same as everyone else? Be honest here. You Can't. You don't. I went out of my way to get that Minecraft server. I have gifted you all games because I consider you my friends. But I just don't know how I feel about this anymore. You guys don't try to be nicer, you guys don't try to not be assholes, like I do. I know it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn here but goddammit I've earned It. I've earned being happy and proud of myself. It's like every time this shit happens a part of me dies. Like I can't even be friends with my own friends. Like you guys don't care. Say what you want about all this, pull out your rebuttal, I don't care. I'm not gonna read it. You can't change the way I feel by arguing with me about it. So, go and tell everyone I'm being childish. Go ahead and say whatever you want to say because I don't care. I'm sick of having you guys influence me.