Dreamcatcher

down the rusting gutters. Arms of fire popped in and out of the open door like enthusiastic
hosts encouraging the newly arrived guests to hurry up, hurry up, dammit, get your asses
in here before the whole place bums down. The mat of red-gold fuzz growing on the granite slab had crisped, lost its color, turned gray. “Good,” Henry muttered under his breath. He was clenching his fists rhythmically on the grips of his ski-poles without being

aware of it. “Good, that’s good.”
He stood that way for another fifteen minutes, and when he could bear it no more, he
set his back to the flames and started back the way he had come.
7
There was no hustle left in him. He had twenty miles to go (22.2
to be exact
, he told
himself), and if he didn’t pace himself he’d never make it. He stayed in the packed track
of the snowmobile, and stopped to rest more frequently than he had going the other way.
Ah, but I was younger then

, he thought with only slight irony.
Twice he checked his watch, forgetting that it was now Eastern Standard No Time At
All in the Jefferson Tract. With the mat of clouds firmly in place overhead, all he knew for

sure was that it was daytime. Afternoon, of course, but whether mid or late he couldn’t tell. On another afternoon his appetite might have served as a gauge, but not today. Not after the thing on Jonesy’s bed, and the eggs, and the hairs with their protuberant black eyes. Not after the foot sticking out of the bathtub. He felt that he would never eat again…

and if he did, he would never eat anything with even a slight tinge of red. And mushrooms? No thanks.
Skiing, at least on cross-country stubs like these, was sort of like riding a bike, he discovered: you never forgot how to do it. He fell once going up the first hill, the skis slipping out from under him, but glided giddily down the other side with only a couple of

wobbles and no spills. He guessed that the skis hadn’t been waxed since the peanut-farmer
was President, but if he stayed in the crimped and flattened track of the snowmobile, he
should be all right. He marvelled at the stippling of animal tracks on the Deep Cut Road
he had never seen a tenth as many. A few critters had gone walking along it, but most of

the tracks only crossed it, west to east. The Deep Cut took a lazy northwest course, and west was clearly a point of the compass the local animal population wanted to avoid.
I’m on a journey,
he told himself
. Maybe someday someone will write an epic poem
about it: “Henry’s journey”.
“Yeah,” he said. “‘Time slowed and reality bent; on and on the eggman went.”” He
laughed at that, and in his dry throat the laughter turned to hacking coughs. He skied to the

side of the snowmobile track, got another double handful of snow, and ate it down.
“Tasty and good for you!” he proclaimed. “Snow! Not just for breakfast anymore!”
He looked up at the sky, and that was a mistake. For a moment he was overwhelmed
with dizziness and thought he might go right over on his back. Then the vertigo retreated.
The clouds overhead looked a little darker. Snow coming? Night coming? Both coming at

the same time? His knees and ankles hurt from the steady shuffle-shuffle of the skis, and
his arms hurt even worse from wielding the poles. The pads of muscle on his chest were
the worst. He had already accepted as certainty that he wouldn’t make it to Gosselin’s before dark; now, standing here and eating more snow, it occurred to him that he might not
make it at all.
He loosened the Red Sox tee-shirt he’d tied around his leg, and terror leaped in him

when he saw a brilliant thread of scarlet against his bluejeans. His heart beat so hard that
white dots appeared in his field of vision, flocking and pumping. He reached down to the
red with shaking fingers.
What do you think you’re going to do?
he jeered at himself.
Pick it off like it was a
thread or a piece of lint?
Which was exactly what he
did
do, because it
was

a thread: a red one from the shirt’s printed logo. He dropped it and watched it float down to the snow. Then he retied the shirt
around the tear in his jeans. For a man who had been considering all sorts of final options
not four hours ago-the rope and the noose, the tub and the plastic bag, the bridge abutment
and the ever-popular Hemingway Solution, known in some quarters as The Policeman’s
Farewell-he had been pretty goddamned scared there for a second or two.

Because I don’t want to go like that
, he told himself.
Not eaten alive by…
“By toadstools from Planet X,” he said.
The eggman got moving again.
8
The world shrank, as it always does when we approach exhaustion with our work not done, or even close to done. Henry’s life was reduced to four simple, repetitive motions:

the pump of his arms on the poles and the push of the skis in the snow. His aches and pains faded, at least for the time being, as he entered some other zone. He only remembered anything remotely like this happening once before, in high school, when he’d
been the starting center on the Derry Tigers basketball team. During a crucial pre-playoff
game, three of their four best players had somehow fouled out before three minutes of the

third quarter were gone. Coach had left Henry in for the rest of the game-he didn’t get a
single blow except for time-outs and trips to the foul line. He made it, but by the time the
final buzzer honked and put an end to the affair (the Tigers had lost gaudily), he had been
floating in a kind of happy dream. Halfway down the corridor to the boys” locker room,
his legs had given out and down he had gone, with a silly smile still on his face, while his

teammates, clad in their red travelling unis, laughed and cheered and clapped and
whistled.
No one to clap or whistle here; only the steady crackle-and-stutter of gunfire off to the east. Slowing a little bit now, maybe, but still heavy.More ominous were the occasional
gunshots from up ahead. Maybe from Gosselin’s? It was impossible to tell.
He heard himself singing his least favorite Polling Stones song, “Sympathy for the
Devil” (

Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed His fate
, thank you very much, you’ve been a wonderful audience, good night), and made himself stop when lie realized the song had gotten all mixed up with memories of Jonesy in the hospital, Jonesy
as he had looked last March, not just gaunt but somehow reduced, as if his essence had pulled itself in to form a protective shield around his surprised and outraged body. Jonesy

had looked to Henry like someone who was probably going to die, and although he
hadn’t
died, Henry realized now that it was around that time that his own thoughts of suicide had
become really serious. To the rogues gallery of images that haunted him in the middle of
the night blue-white milk running down his father’s chin, Barry Newman’s giant
economy-sized buttocks jiggling as he flew from the office, Richie Grenadeau holding out

a dog-turd to the weeping and nearly naked Duddits Cavell, telling him to eat it, he had to
eat it-there was now the image of Jonesy’s too-thin face and addled eyes, Jonesy who had
been swopped into the street without a single rhyme or reason, Jonesy who looked all too
ready to put on his boogie shoes and get out of town. They said he was in stable condition,
but Henry had read critical in his old fi7iend’s eyes. Sympathy for the devil? Please. There

was no god, no devil, no sympathy. And once you realized that, you were in trouble. Your
days as a viable, paying customer in the great funhouse that was Kulture Amerika were numbered.
He heard himself signing it again-
But what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game-
and made himself stop it. What, then? Something really Undress. Mindless and pointless
and tasty, something just oozing Kulture Amerika. How about that one by the Pointer Sisters? That was a good one.

Looking down at his shuffling skis and the horizontal crimps left by the snowmobile
treads, he began to sing it. Soon he was droning it over and over in a whispery, tuneless
monotone while the sweat soaked through his shirts and clear mucus ran from his nose to
freeze on his upper lip: “
I know we can make it, I know we can, we can work it out, yes we
can-can yes we can yes we can…”
Better. Much better. All those
yes we can-cans
were as Amerikan Kulture as a Ford

pickup in a bowling alley parking lot, a lingerie sale at JC Penney, or a dead rock star in a
bathtub.
9
And so he eventually returned to the shelter where he had left Pete and the woman.
Pete was gone. No sign of him at all.
The rusty tin roof of the lean-to had fallen, and Henry lifted it, peeking under it like a

metal bedsheet to make sure Pete wasn’t there. He wasn’t, but the woman was. She had crawled or been moved from where she’d been when Henry set out for Hole in the Wall,
and somewhere along the line she’d come down with a bad case of dead. Her clothes and
face were covered with the rust-colored mold that had choked the cabin, but Henry noticed

an interesting thing: while the growth on her was doing pretty well (especially in her nostrils and her visible eye, which had sprouted a jungle), the stuff which had spread out
from her, outlining her body in a ragged sunburst, was in trouble. The fungus behind her,
on the side blocked from the fire, had turned gray and stopped spreading. The stuff in front
of her was doing a little better-it had had warmth, and ground to grow on which had been

melted clear of snow-but the tips of the tendrils were turning the powdery gray of volcanic
ash.
Henry was pretty sure it was dying.
So was the daylight-no question of that now. Henry dropped the rusty piece of
corrugated tin back on the body of Becky Shue and on the embery remains of the fire.
Then he looked at the track of the Cat again, wishing as he had back at the cabin that he

had Natty Bumppo with him to explain what he was seeing. Or maybe Jonesy’s good
friend Hercule Poirot, he of the little gray cells.
The track swerved in toward the collapsed roof of the lean-to before continuing on northwest toward Gosselin’s. There was a pressed-down area in the snow that almost
made the shape of a human body. To either side, there were round divots in the snow.
“What do you say, Hercule?” Henry asked. “What means this,

mon ami?
” But
Hercule said nothing.
Henry began to sing under his breath again and leaned closer to one of the round divots, unaware that he had left the Pointer Sisters behind and switched back to the Rolling Stones.
There was enough light for him to see a pattern in the three dimples to the left of the

body shape, and he recalled the patch on the right elbow of Pete’s duffel coat. Pete had told him with an odd sort of pride that his girlfriend had sewed that on there, declaring he
had no business going off hunting with a ripped jacket. Henry remembered thinking it was sad and funny at the same time, how Pete had built up a wistful fantasy of a happy future
from that single act of kindness… an act which probably had more to do, in the end, with

how the lady in question had been raised than with any feelings she might have for her beer-soaked boyfriend.
Not that it mattered. What mattered was that Henry felt he could draw a bona fide deduction at last. Pete had crawled out from under the collapsed roof Jonesy-or whatever
was now running Jonesy, the cloud-had come along, swerved over to the remains of the lean-to, and picked Pete up.
Why?
Henry didn’t know.

Not all of the splotches in the flattened shape of his thrashing friend, who had
crawled out from under the piece of tin by hooking himself along on his elbows, were that
mold stuff. Some of it was dried blood. Pete had been hurt. Cut when the roof fell in? Was
that all?
Henry spotted a wavering trail leading away from the depression which had held

Pete’s body. At the end of it was what he first took to be a fire-charred stick. Closer examination changed his mind. It was another of the weasel things, this one burned and dead, now turning gray where it wasn’t seared. Henry flipped it aside with the toe of his
boot. Beneath it was a small frozen mass. More eggs. It must have been laying them even
as it died.
Henry kicked snow over both the eggs and the little monster’s corpse, shuddering. He

unwrapped the makeshift bandage for another look at the wound on his leg, and as he did
it he realized what song was coming out of his mouth. He quit singing. New snow, just a
scattering of light flakes, began to skirt down.
“
Why
do I keep singing that?” he asked. “Why does that fucking song keep coming
back?” He expected no answer; these were questions uttered aloud mostly for the comfort
of hearing his own voice (this was a death place, perhaps even a haunted place), but one

came anyway. “Because it’s
our
song. It’s the Squad Anthem, the one we play when we go
in hot. We’re Cruise’s boys.” Cruise? Was that right? As in Tom Cruise? Maybe not quite.
The gunfire from the east was much lighter now. The slaughter of the animals was
almost done. But there were men, a long skirmish line of hunters who were wearing green
or black instead of orange, and they were listening to that song over and over again as they

did their work, adding up the numbers of an incredible butcher’s bill:
I rode a tank, held a
general’s rank, when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank… Pleased to meet you,
hope you guess my name.
What exactly was going on here? Not in the wild, wonderful, wacky Outside World,
but inside his own head? He’d had flashes of understanding his whole life-his life since Duddits, anyway-but nothing like this. What
was

this? Was it time to examine this new and powerful way of seeing the line?
No. No, no, no.
And, as if mocking him, the song in his head:
general’s rank, bodies stank
.
“Duddits!” he exclaimed in the graying, dying afternoon; lazy flakes falling like
feathers from a split pillow. Some thought struggled to be born but it was too big, too big.
“
Duddits!

” he cried again in his hortatory eggman’s voice, and one thing he did understand: the luxury of suicide had been denied him. Which was the most horrible thing
of all, because these weird thoughts-
I shouted out who killed the Kennedys-
were tearing him apart. He began to weep again, bewildered and afraid, alone in the woods. All his friends except Jonesy were dead, and Jonesy was in the hospital. A movie star in the hospital with Mr Gray.

“What does that
mean?
” Henry groaned. He clapped his hands to his temples (he felt
as though his head were bulging, bulging) and his rusty old ski-poles flapped aimlessly at
the ends of their wrist-loops like broken propeller blades. “
Oh Christ, what does that
MEAN?”
Only the song came in answer:
Pleased to meet you! Hope you guess my name!
Only the snow: red with the blood of slaughtered animals and they lay everywhere, a

Dachau of deer and raccoon and rabbit and weasel and bear and groundhog and-
Henry screamed, held his head and screamed so loud and so hard that he felt sure for
a moment that he was going to pass out. Then his lightheartedness passed and his rm’nd
seemed to clear, at least for the time being. He was left with a brilliant image of Duddits as
he had been when they first met him, Duddits not under the light of a blitzkrieg winter as

in that Stones song but under the sane light of a cloudy October afternoon, Duddits looking up at them with his tilted, somehow wise Chinese eyes. Duddits was our finest hour, he had told Pete.
“Fit wha?” Henry said now. “Fit neek?”
Yeah, fit neek. Turn it around, put it on the right way, fit neek.
Smiling a little now (although his cheeks were still wet with tears that were

beginning to freeze), Henry began to ski along the crimped track of the snowmobile again.
10
Ten minutes later he came to the overturned wreck of the Scout. He suddenly realized
two things: that he was ragingly hungry after all and that there was food in there. He had
seen the tracks both going and coming and hadn’t needed Natty Bumppo to know that Pete
had left the woman and returned to the Scout. Nor did he need Hercule Poirot to tell him

that the food they’d bought at the store-most of it, at least-would still be in there. He knew
what Pete had come back for.
He skied around to the passenger side, following Pete’s tracks, then froze in the act of
loosening the ski bindings. This side was away from the wind, and what Pete had written
in the snow as he sat drinking his two beers was mostly still here: DUDDITS, printed over and over again. As he looked at the name in the snow, Henry began to shiver. It was like

coming to the grave of a loved one and hearing a voice speak out of the ground.
11
There was broken glass inside the Scout. Blood, as well. Because most of the blood
was on the back seat, Henry felt sure it hadn’t been spilled in the original accident; Pete
had cut himself on his return trip. To Henry, the interesting thing was that there was none

of the red-gold fuzz. It grew rapidly, and so the logical conclusion was that Pete hadn’t been infected when he’d come for the beer. Later, maybe, but not then.
He grabbed the bread, the peanut butter, the milk, and the carton of orange juice.
Then he backed out of the Scout and sat with his shoulders against the overturned rear end, watching the fresh snow sift down and gobbling bread and peanut butter as fast as he

could, using his index finger as a knife and licking it clean between spreads. The peanut
butter was good and the orange juice went down in two long drafts, but it wasn’t enough.
“What you’re thinking of,” he announced to the darkening afternoon, “is grotesque.
Not to mention red.
Red
food.”
Red or not, he was thinking of it, and surely it wasn’t all
that
grotesque; he was, after all, a man who had spent long nights thinking about guns and ropes and plastic bags. All

of that seemed a little childish just now, but it
was
him, all right. And so-
“And so let me close, ladies and gentlemen of the American Psychiatric Association,
by quoting the late Joseph “Beaver” Clarendon: “Said fuck it and put a dime in the Salvation Army bucket. And if you don’t like it, grab my cock and suck it.” Thank you very much.”
Having thus discoursed to the American Psychiatric Association, Henry crawled back

into the Scout, once more successfully avoiding the broken glass, and got the package wrapped in butcher’s paper ($2.79 printed on it in Old Man Gosselin’s shaky hand). He backed out again with the package in his pocket, then took it out and snapped the twine.
Inside were nine plump hot dogs. The red kind.
For a moment his mind tried to show him the legless reptilian thing squirming on

Jonesy’s bed and looking at him with its empty black eyes, but he banished it with the speed and ease of one whose survival instincts have never wavered.
The hot dogs were fully cooked, but he warmed them up just the same, running the
flame of his butane lighter back and forth beneath each one until it was at least warm, then
wrapping it in Wonder Bread and gobbling it down. He smiled as he did it, knowing how

ridiculous he would look to an observer. Well, didn’t they say that psychiatrists eventually
ended up as loony as their patients, if not more so?
The important thing was that he was finally full. Even more important, all the
disconnected thoughts and fragmented images had drained out of his mind. Also the song.
He hoped none of that crap would come back. Ever, please God.
He swallowed more milk, belched, then leaned his head against the side of the Scout

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