Crush

originally by Shane Koyczan
adapted on May 03, 2019

original lyrics .{https://genius.com/_}
live performance .{https://m.youtube.com/_}

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Shane Koyczan - Crush
(shortened by Donal)
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I've been thinking about the word crush,

And how you were my first,

And how the worst thing that could've happened, happened.

When you and I were 10,

And made to work together on a Grade Five presentation about animals.

I was so nervous.

Alone together in the back of a library,

We studied each animal secret society

And learned the use of the collective noun.

Example: A murder of crows.

God knows it sounds ominous,

But this is how I learned about community.

We have names for the groupings that occur even in the open ocean.

A battery of barracudas.

A shiver of sharks.

A school of fish. [buzz]

And I pondered the philosophy,

"Since barracudas and sharks are technically fish,

Wouldn't the term "school of fish" encapsulate them as well?"

Wasn't long before you went on to tell me

That each term was, in some way, meant

To suggest the nature of each beast.

A destruction of wildcats.

A crash of rhinoceroses.

This is not meant to say that each animal is considered in some way deadly

There are those that sound down right lovely.

A murmuration of starlings.

A kindle of kittens.

An exaltation of larks.

Some are meant to sound industrious or prestigious.

A parliament of owls.

A labour of moles.

But I feel for the outcasts

A smack of jellyfish.

An implausibility of wildebeests.

An apology of Canadians. [Canadian joke]

You loved the classification "A cowardice of curs."

Believed this is where the term "underdog" stems from,

That sometimes we become more than the definitions that are thrust upon us,

That we can bite back.

That "a pack of wolves" is apart of our ancestry,

And the moment we embrace our history,

We become a new destiny.

We can rewrite our legacy

Because we are a storytelling of ravens.

I began applying this concept to my life that,

Arriving to the conclusion that dickheads

Congregate [not in bunches] in groups.

And I cannot describe the solemn pride

That was mine when I arrived home

With a report card that read,

"Shane does not work well in groups."

I told you this,

And we both laughed.

And maybe it was my happiness that gave me away

Betrayed my position to the three boys who'd made a hobby out of making me cry.

I still remember the impact from when they pushed me over in my chair.

And you,

You could've just sat there.

I wouldn't have been angry.

But instead you decided to teach me that assholes,

Come in bunches.

I learned this fact to the back of that library

You helped me up off of the ground then turned around to tell my attackers,

"You guys are a bunch of assholes."

We were 10.

If you ever want to know how it feels to be saved,

Just let someone save you.

Let someone rescue the smile drowning inside you,

It's not too late, I swear.

See, I once hid my heart inside of a hat,

And pulled out a rabbit that ran away,

Just so I could say it was a vanishing act.

Ta-da!

But through you,

I learned real magic is about making things [come] back, I know

Because when a 10 year old girl can go on to shock three bullies into silence

You know you have just determined your life long definition of [beauty].

And all of the other wonderful instances in your existance

Will volunteer to dim their brilliance, so that throughout your life

This moment will shine brightest.

You made the best snow angels.

Laid them out in threes, like paper dolls holding hands

And said it was because even two people,

Can feel alone.

I think of the time I would have destroyed the world

Just so I could be with you,

I've grown up since then.

I think often of a time when I placed a penny

On top of a penny,

On top of a railroad track.

And waited for a train to squish one coin into the other

So that I could give you a 2 cent piece,

Because you were scared one day they would raise the price of 1 cent candies.

These are the ways I loved you.

And now every time I see a lone snow angel I think of you.

So I offer you now a crush of hearts,

A sacrifice of body parts laid upon the alter of better times,

When the lines inside of a colouring book were only suggestions, girl.

Sometimes you gotta scribble.

Gotta colour the sun purple

Just so you know what it feels like to be in charge.

Sometimes you gotta love just a little

So you can finally start to live large.

I offer you a lifetime of held breaths.

A juggernaut of thank yous.

A thimble of blues.

Know who's who [of by] misuse.

Because I am made up of memories,

And these are the diamonds I keep polished

Just so I know what its like to treasure something.

I've been thinking about the word crush,

And how you were my first,

And how the worst thing that could've happened, happened.

When you turned 11,

And moved away.

Didn't even get to say goodbye,

Because you moved in the Summer,

And I returned to a school,

Your absence echoed in my ears

For all the years I had left to deal with what it

Feels like to be alone,

I've grown up since then.

But think often of the time when we were 10,

When you made snow angels hold hands.

Laid them down side by side and I tied my definition of beauty

To your memory.

We never even kissed.

Cause you probably never knew.

But goddamn, girl,

I had the biggest crush on you.