BLUE

Mark has always had a complicated relationship with blue.

'I don't mind blue' he thought as his dad dressed him up, nice and tidy for kindergarten. His blue bag heavy on his shoulders, his new blue jumpsuit stiff on his small form and a bright future in front of him, he found that he didn't mind blue at all.

Mark hated blue. Navy blue like his teacher's work suit. The pale, faded blue of the school office's floor. Indigo like the bruise forming on his forehead. Azure like the boy who he beat up's t-shirt. Turquoise like the dress of the girl who got him into this mess. The girl who was looking at him with a shy, teary stare, her sky blue eyes outstanding. The principal's shouts about "fighting with other students" faded into his mind's background noise, not like he felt bad for hitting a bully. He felt a hand sneaking its way into his own. His head shot up to see the girl's apologetic smile. He smiled back.

When they got out of the office, they sat together for lunch. And so they did for the day after. And the day after. And the days after that. Not many words exchanged about the incident, only about the other kids and new games in the school. On the fourth day, before leaving for home, the girl stood on her tiptoes and gave his fading bruise an innocent kiss. As thoughts overtook his mind, he watched the girl run to the school bus. His eyes fixed on her turquoise dress, his smile grew bigger. Maybe blue wasn't so bad afterall.

Blue was pain. It was the color of broken promises and broken hearts. It was a part of his childhood broken and never coming back. It was the color of the flower banquet he bought on his way to school. It was the color of the shirt of the boy who was kissing his best friend. It was the color of his shattered heart, the heart he didn't know was in his best friend's hands until then. He left the banquet delicately on the floor, leaving without a goodbye. Without getting to tell his feelings to the girl, he told himself everything was better this way. Without getting to tell his best and only close friend that he was accepted into the company he was yearning for. With that, he left north america. Although his heart was leaking of blue he tried to erase all blue from his mind.

Blue was a color he disliked. It was also the color of the clingy trainee that followed him everywhere as he seemed to strangely fancy the color blue, seeing him wearing the color multiple times. Blue coloring his shirts, his jeans, his shoes and his nails. He hated it. He hated how a color made him feel so vulnerable and how it affected his life and his choice in friends. So he put his dumb hatred towards the dumb color aside and walked up to the kid.

Despite the kid being terribly shocked to the point of being jumpscared out of his seat and landing ass first on the floor, he seemed fine. 'He's a good kid' Mark thought to himself. His name was Donghyuck and he was a year younger than Mark. As far what he got out of the kid- 'Donghyuck,' he corrected himself- he was a fairly new trainee. Which made sense, since mark hadn't seen him once before last month. Donghyuck had smiled nervously when Mark introduced himself to him and tasted the word 'hyung' on the tip of his tongue, preparing himself to get used to it. As Donghyuck gave him the biggest smile he had ever seen, Mark thought that he could get used to this. To him. To his blue nails leaving trails against the wood of the table in front of them. Mark's view towards blue began to change again. It was the least he could do for the Blue Boy.

As their days blended into each other and Mark's debut date came closer, they found themselves closer than ever despite being expected to get seperated. Mark needed the shoulder to rest on and lift his mood, Donghyuck needed a plus one to laugh at his jokes. It only made sense how they grew closer in the trainee dorms.

Donghyuck ended up cuddling Mark on the night before Mark's debut stage. As loud and boisterous as Donghyuck was, he could be affectionate and kind and listening behind closed doors. That night, as Donghyuck ran his fingers in Mark's hair calmingly as Mark rambled all of his concerns out, he found himself entering a new stage of friendship with Donghyuck. When Mark's rambles calmed down into mumbles and he switched to the other side of his body, Donghyuck snaked a hand around his wrist and hummed into Mark's hair, Mark too tired and feeling too safe to resist. His eyes got droopy and the last thing he could remember with a coherent mind was a kiss on the back of his head. Mark had slid into a dreamless, calming sleep when Donghyuck finally stopped stroking his hair.

This dynamic didn't change when they weren't only mere early teen boys but NCT's Haechan and Mark, the unbreakable duo. Mark was satisfied.

Or so he thought.

He woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating on his bedside table. He took it with a grain of salt. Seriously, who would text him in such an ungodly hour of night? Speaking of which, how late even is it?

He takes his phone, the light hurting his eyes although its set on lowest. He squinted, trying to read the time. His phone vibrates twice in his hands again and he freezes when his eyes slide down to the name. 'Hyuck' read the screen.

'Hey mark u up?''Sorry ik its late''Ive been out and forgot my keys''Can i sleep over?'

Then there are the new ones:

'Im taking this as youre asleep then''Ill just text one of the managers'

His fingers frantically flew over the keyboard, scrambling onto his feet.

'Nonono im awake''Come'

The reply came quick.

'omw'

When he opened the door, Donghyuck was already there. He stuttered.

"H-hi??" He stood aside, allowing Donghyuck in. He looks pretty disheveled, Mark was starting to notice. His hair was ruffled and his shirt was wrinkled. He popped the question when he realized he's been staring, "hey man, what happened to you? Where have you been? You look pretty rough."

The boy dismissed the question with a wave of his hand "'s nothing, don't worry about it." He opened his mouth to insist that 'no, it was something and he couldn't come home disheveled at ass o'clock and expect Mark to let it slide' when he noticed Donghyuck walking towards his room. Limping towards his room. His blood ran cold.

"Did you get into a fight? Were there saesangs? Hyuck are you hurt?" He panicked, clutching Donghyuck's shoulder and turning him around. He gasped in pain, opening his mouth to explain. It was only when Mark saw the dark mark peeking out of his shirt that he realized. He let out a laugh in disbelief. Donghyuck closed his mouth, seeing Mark's eyes set on his shoulder, mouthing an 'oh shit' under his breath.

"It's not what you're thinking-" "It IS what I'm thinking about, Lee Donghyuck. You come home at the dead of the night, you lost your keys, you were ALONE, without managers for protection," he chuckled lowly, eyes slipping to Donghyuck's guilty ones, "was getting dicked down really worth it?"

Donghyuck opened his mouth. Then closed it. He looked like he was guilty for a fraction of a second before bickering back, ever the brat. "Well don't pretend like you don't have your own little rendezvous-"

Mark cut him off again, his tone scarily cold and collected. "I don't, in fact. Even if I do, I tell people about it. I let other members know what I'm doing and where the fuck I'm going. I let you know Donghyuck." They lock gazes. Mark's gaze cold and hurt and Donghyuck's angry and guilty. Donghyuck breaks the connection and Mark marches into his bedroom, coming out with work clothes to Donghyuck frozen in the place that he was before.

"Take my bed. I'm going out."

He walks past Donghyuck.

It's only when he closes the door behind him that he realizes Donghyuck was wearing blue.

Mark is walking and his heart is hurting and hurting and everything is blue. His feelings are blue and his mood is blue and the blue is wrapped around his heart. It squeezes his heart until he feels like he can't breathe. Until he's clutching his chest and the blue is running down his cheeks. He lets some of the blue free, thinking maybe it'll decrease the pain in his chest.

It doesn't. There's only more blue. The blue that makes him cry out in pain and frustration and jealousy and love.

And if he comes home two hours later to Donghyuck on his bed, clutching Mark's pajamas with tear stains on his cheeks; and hugs him, waking him up and muttering apologies in his ears, it's really no one's business. It's no one's business if Mark kisses the tear stains and doesn't stop apologizing until he falls asleep. And it's no one's business if Donghyuck forgives Mark instantly. Really, it isn't.

And if others wake up to the sight of Mark and Donghyuck cuddling in the morning, Donghyuck's neck covered in hickies, it's not their business either. It isn't and they don't ask.

In the morning, Mark's heart doesn't hurt. He no longer feels the blue squeezing his heart.

The blue is now one with his heart. That's why it doesn't hurt.

He liked blue. He liked blue when it traced Donghyuck's eyes, shining with enthusiasm for their latest comeback. He liked the traces of blue in Haechan's rainbow hair. He liked the blue he worked on his nails with when he wanted to unwind and de-stress to his heart's content. He liked his blue moments, when he was feeling down and wanted sleepy, teary cuddles. When he felt like nothing went right and he wasn't good enough. Mark would kiss his head, something he did very rarely, and run his hands through Donghyuck's hair like Donghyuck himself had done that one night before Mark's debut. He began to realize he would do this anytime. He would give Donghyuck everything if he only asked for it.

Mark's heart was shining and leaking of blue when he realized he had fell for his best friend again.

He loved blue. No matter how much Donghyuck protested that red was his color, his color was blue and he himself knew it. He just liked to give everyone a fight. Mark had seen Donghyuck grow from the small boy he was to a grown man. Seen his every weakness, his every fear. Seen him grow into this gorgeous man. So did Donghyuck with him. They knew everything about each other. He would never hate Mark for his feelings. So why couldn't he confess?

His heart was blue. It was like Donghyuck had started coloring his heart with his beloved various shades of blue nail polish until his heart was leaking of it. Loving hurt and it hurt so good. It was his little secret. It felt like everything in the world at once to be in love again. Happiness, fear, pride. All mixed into one big mash of emotions. And honestly? It was getting out of hand. The blue in his heart couldn't be contained. It leaked in more than one occasion. The drunken 'I love you's that were always passed as the alcohol talking, the lingering stares, the aegyo compilations. Oh, the aegyo compilations. He shivered just thinking about the disaster. All in all, he was doing a good job of keeping them hidden. Or so he thought.

It was the night after their promotions for Kick It had ended, putting an end to that era. Mark was strangely overcome with insomnia. 'Strangely' because he was cuddling with Donghyuck after their late night gaming session. He shifted for the 100th time, checking the clock when he heard Donghyuck's grumpy voice.

"What is it, hyung?" Said Donghyuck, audibly annoyed. Mark stuttered in apology. "I'm really sorry Donghyuck. I just can't sleep. I can sleep on the floor if you want, I won't bother you anymore-"

"No good," grumbled the boy in question, rubbing his eyes before sitting up "let's talk through it. What's keeping you up like this?"

And Mark was suddenly hit with a wave of feels 'cause 'oh my god he's so sweet why is he so sweet i love him so much I'm gonna cry' and he felt a single tear rushing down his cheek. Suddenly the single tear wasn't alone anymore and Donghyuck froze, face to face with an insomniac moody Mark crying into the night. Mark could physically feel Donghyuck tense and panic, but he spoke before Mark could stop him.

"Oh shit are you okay? Did I say something wrong? Were you under that much pressure? Shitshitshitshitshit-" He says without missing a beat, surely a record for Guinness world records. Mark lets out a breathy chuckle in the middle of his breakdown. That seems to freeze Donghyuck too. This time, Mark speaks out before Donghyuck can.

"I just... I love you."

Now, Donghyuck's mouth is open like a goldfish. Mark wished eyes had cameras so he could record the expression. "Like, the love love? The romantic one?"

Mark takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"Yeah. That one."

And suddenly there's a pair of arms wrapped around him and a face sighing into his shoulder. A muffled voise speaks up.

"You have no idea how much I've dreamed of hearing that."

And then he starts crying onto Mark's already tear soaked shirt. Mark's heart clenches and aches and everything is blue. His vision is swimming in blue. His heart is topped off with blue. And he has His Blue in his arms.

When Donghyuck pulls back from his shoulder and grabs his face, kissing him, he doesn't complain. He all but responds back tenfold. It's like everything and anything he's ever wanted. It's messy and there's teeth colliding a couple times because they're both crying and laughing at the same time and the kiss tastes salty of tears but it's more than what Mark would've ever wanted. They pull away when they get too carried away, Mark somehow laying down with Donghyuck's legs on either sides of his waist and at some point a nasty suck of Mark's mouth on Donghyuck's tongue makes him moan and thrust down and they realize they need to stop, not wanting to wake the whole dorm up.

Mark's going feral, wanting nothing more than hearing more of what he just heard out of Donghyuck, but the logical part that's still surprising left in him decides against it and apparently Donghyuck does too, because he lays down on top of Mark, burying his head in his neck. And he feels so overwhelmingly 'blue' that he blurts out, "I love you."

A moment of silence in the dark and then comes the response. "I love you too."

So yeah, you could say Mark's relationship with blue is complicated. But when he wakes up to His Blue in the morning, the sunlight covering Donghyuck, his Fullsun, like the fairy he truely is, he knows for certain that he loves blue.