What do men need to know about women and sex? For starters, that it’s far easier to woo a lady than the average male may imagine. There’s no need to make a trip to the florist or a jeweller if you want to make her swoon. In fact, getting a woman’s pulse racing may be simply achieved by a tender gesture: a long, lingering hug or by tenderly sweeping the bangs out of her eyes while she’s watching Law & Order SVU. Fire up the printers, ladies. And prepare to forward this link to the man in your life. Ian Kerner, sex counselor, founder of the website Good in Bed and author of such books as She Comes First and The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book, offers your significant others five tips on how to woo you in style. Understand a woman’s brain. Men and women experience sexual arousal and desire differently. “One of the main differences between men and women is that for men arousal and desire are sort of interchangeable. If a guy sees something sexy or really thinks for a while about something sexy it will generally lead to sexual desire — the desire to have sex,” says Kerner.
Women, however, need to take a few more steps before they reach the summit of sexy mountain, strip off their clothes, and dance like nobody’s watching. Part of that journey is psychological and is associated with a relaxed state of mind. Kerner mentions studies that show the part of women’s brains related to anxiety and stress must deactivate, “for women to get aroused and cycle through sexual response and have an orgasm.” Making a woman feel aroused, therefore, may start by making her feel relaxed and calm. So, if your wife is stressed about the kitchen being a mess, why not pick up a sponge, Cupid? It’s the little things, like taking the recycling out and folding the laundry that may transform the average desk jockey into a Greek god in the eyes of an overworked mate. Hug her like she’s leaving you. Affection never goes unappreciated. Men may be surprised to learn that the quickest way to get a woman’s feel-good hormones bubbling and boiling starts with a tender, lingering hug.
“There have been studies that have shown that hugging your partner for 30 seconds or more, especially in women, raises oxytocin levels,” explains Kerner. “Oxytocin is an important hormone in facilitating a sense of connection and trust and bonding,” he adds. Foreplay is a 24/7 thing. A kiss is a kiss, but keeping the spark alive is a 24/7 process, says Kerner. “I think men need to take the concept of foreplay and both expand what’s happening inside the bedroom, but also expand what’s happening outside of the bedroom in the hours and days potentially leading up to sexual intimacy.” In the bedroom, that may mean taking the long way around your lady’s body rather than heading for the border as soon as the lights go off. Outside the bedroom, ‘foreplay’ can be expressed variously. It may mean being nice, being considerate, answering her texts, and calling her to let her know when you’re going to be late. It could be as simple as saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘I can’t wait to see you.’
Make her feel wanted. For Kerner, sex and self-esteem are intimately connected. “I really think that self-esteem is at the heart of sex for men and women.” If a woman is feeling unattractive it’s likely she’s not going to be feeling whoopee-ready. “Men don’t need to feel sexy to have sex,” says Kerner. Women do need to feel attractive, however, and very often the responsibilities of work and home leave a woman feeling about as sexy as a pair of damp sweat pants. This is where men come in, says Kerner. “I think guys can provide some support to making [their partners] feel sexy.” Make her an “erotic focal point” says Kerner. If your partner isn’t feeling sexy and is in a sex rut, it’s your job to turn it around. Be an “agent of change” says Kerner. “If you have a low desire partner and you have desire it’s kind of up to you to bring that partner back to an erotic connection.” Make her feel attractive by running your fingers through her hair (regardless of how dirty it may be).
Tell her that you love it when she wears that ketchup-stained cat sweatshirt to bed.Maybe next time, she’ll take a shower and leave the cat sweatshirt in the hamper. One tip for the ladies: throw your partner a bone. Kerner is a big supporter of the idea of ‘charity sex,’ or having sex with your partner even when you’d rather watch The Mentalist. “I think the thing women should be aware of is that sex begets sex, and sex ruts begets sex ruts.” Kerner says that when you let intimacy slide in a relationship your “body becomes de-eroticized. You forget how much you enjoy sex.” The best way to remember how much you enjoy intimacy is to do it. Think of charity sex kind like going to spin class on Saturday morning. Sometimes you don’t feel like going but once you get there you’re glad you made the effort, right? Did we take the words right out of your mouth? Forward this to your partner to grant them a little inside scoop!Bed rest is commonly prescribed during pregnancy to alleviate certain pregnancy complications.
Some women know it is coming because of their medical history, whereas others are surprised during a routine checkup. Bed rest is common, so don’t be alarmed. Bed rest will differ from woman to woman and may range from simple periodic resting at home to full bed rest with monitoring in a hospital. Some women will discover that their health care provider places them on bed rest for a brief period to help a complication stabilize, while other women may be placed on bed rest throughout most of their pregnancy. Your healthcare provider may prescribe bed rest for any number of reasons, but in all cases, it is to increase the probability that you continue with a healthy pregnancy. Here is a list of complications that may lead to bed rest: In most cases, bed rest is used to give the body it’s best chance to normalize. Bed rest will be used with women who have conditions related to high blood pressure in order to decrease stress and lower blood pressure. Work, activity, lifting, or exercise may worsen or provoke certain situations, so bed rest may be prescribed to reduce vaginal bleeding or decrease the chance of premature labor.
Bed rest may also be necessary to help increase blood flow to the placenta. The best position for bed rest will depend on your situation and what complication your health care provider is trying to address or prevent. In most cases, your healthcare provider will request that you sleep and rest on your side, usually with your knees or hips bent, and maybe with a pillow between your knees. You may be asked to lie on your back while being propped up with pillows or to lie on your back with your hips or legs elevated higher than your shoulders. Learn more about sleeping positions during your pregnancy. Bed rest will tend to cause your muscles to lose tone and make some of your joints ache. Lying down for long periods of time can also reduce your blood circulation. Changing from side to side will help stimulate your muscles and relieve pressure. Exercise is important for your blood circulation, but make sure that you visit with your health care provider before you begin any exercises.
Below are common exercises that may be used: Avoid using your abdominal muscles when you are stretching or exercising. Again, consult with your healthcare provider about the best ways for you to get exercise in your situation. The “do’s” and “do not’s” during bed rest will vary from woman to woman, depending on your situation and the reasons that bed rest is prescribed by your health care provider. It is important to get a clear understanding of what is allowed during your bed rest period. In most cases, bed rest will require that you avoid lifting, exercising, or any strenuous activity. Here is a list of activities to discuss with your health care provider: If your bed rest occurs for a long period of time, it is important to discuss exercises or activities that you are allowed to do to keep your blood circulating. Bed rest may sound fun, but it is usually challenging for most women, particularly if it is for longer periods.
There are a number of activities you can engage in to make your bed rest a more positive experience: Start a journal: Putting your thoughts to paper can be therapeutic and imagine sharing what you were thinking and going through with your LO one day. Whether you share with them or keep it as a private journal, these days and weeks will go by faster than you think. It can be fun to look back and remember how far you have come. Create a vision board and set life goals: I am sure you have heard about the power of attraction. Whether you believe it is true or not, it is always a great idea to make goals, so you can achieve them. Why not reach for the stars? Set reachable short term goals that align with extraordinary long-term goals. A vision board is perfect for creating what you want your life to look like. Pick out how much you want to make, what you want your career to be, what car you want to drive and what you want your house to look like. These are a few examples. Really you can have anything on your vision board, look at it daily and imagine what it feels like to already have these things.
Be happy and positive. Stay focused and see how many things come true that you put your mind to. Become a Pinterest master: If you don’t have a free Pinterest account already, do it! You can create boards like baby’s nursery, recipes, dream homes, DIY projects or interior design ideas. To name just a few, really it is up to you what you create and Pin. Be prepared to lose all boredom into the Pinterest abyss and be sure to Follow APA on Pinterest! Start a blog: A blog should reflect your interests so you never run out of things to write about. Who knows you could end up starting your own business or join the large and highly paid mommy blogger universe. Join a pregnancy community: Let’s face it, nobody knows what you are going through like other moms that have been there or moms-to-be. You will end up finding other mommas to share experiences, advice, and hope with. You may even make a few friends. Who else is really up all hours of the night googling stuff about pregnancy and babies?
Establish a routine: Bed rest may make you feel as if you are not in control. Establish a routine to help you feel more in control of your situation. Change into comfortable clothes and have a schedule for the day. Simple organization: You are stuck in bed, but this is an excellent opportunity to organize photo albums, make changes to address books, update recipes, or work on other projects that need attention. Give Google a rest: Googling all day and night can become a source of stress which is what you need to be avoiding. Connect with friends: After the baby arrives you will be busy, so visiting with friends may be difficult. Use this time to make phone calls to your friends. Baby preparations: Bed rest provides you with an opportunity to get organized and plan for the baby. You can begin planning for baby names, a baby registry, a new will, guardianship, insurance, baby announcements, thank you notes and financial matters. You may also use this time to order nursery items on the internet or the phone.
Medical preparations: Bed rest will also give you time to research and plan to deal with a complication. You can get online or read books to discover how you can be prepared for handling an early delivery or other complications. Allow friends and family to help: Your family and friends care about you and are interested in helping you out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with meals, household chores or errands. You may even find that people will call to ask what they can do to help. Make it easier on yourself by having a “to do” list with you. Become a parenting expert: Bed rest provides you with an excellent opportunity to search the internet, read books, and go through baby and parenting magazines to gain information on parenting. Love those around you: Bed rest will require those around you to invest more time in chores and activities that you may normally have handled. Take this time to do something for them to show your appreciation such as make a card, write a letter, or order a special gift.