WIP / IG Post / 18-10-2022
When we think of personal growth, we may think of a monk in the mountains, meditating on this or that question. Achieving calm …For most of us, however, the reality of life is much messier. Our tranquility comes not just from ourselves but from the health of our relationships.
We are pulled in many directions by people in our lives who want and expect certain things from us. And in turn, we rely on these very people for comfort, support, and connection, and so their approval is important to us.
In this way, personal growth is not just about some inner dialog, but an ability to effectively love, work with, and support the important people in our lives, all the while being honest with others about our boundaries, expectations, and limits.
Invariably, things go wrong. People hurt us and we hurt people. We want and don’t get. They want and we don’t give. Feelings go silent. Resentments go unaddressed. Boundaries go unspoken. Expectations go unmet.
These things grow on each other. And so we develop a reality and sense of self that is based on lies: lies we tell others and lies we tell ourselves. True personal growth cannot be founded on a lie.
Difficult conversations unburden us from these shackles and lies. They establish a foundation of truth in relationships and in ourselves, upon which real growth can occur.
These conversations are just that — difficult. We avoid them because we don’t want pain. We may risk losing someone or losing an ideal of ourselves we’ve created. We may feel we are not equipped to handle conflict effectively. We don’t know how other people are going to react.