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Dominance and submission

Dominance and submission (also called D/s) is a set of behaviours, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode.

In D/s, both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called dominants—Doms (male) or Dommes (female)—while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives—or subs (male or female). A switch is an individual who plays either role.

The inner conflict and surrender connected with dominance and submission are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. In human sexuality, this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions, and activities that would be difficult or impossible to act out without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

A safeword is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safeword is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing "mind-games", because the dominant may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safeword spoken, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner. Negotiating limits in advance is also an important element in a D/s relationship.

It is important to note that for a safe, sane, and consensual environment to be maintained, all participants should have a safeword of which the other is aware; this includes the Dominant partner. While it may not seem so from the outside, Dominants will also have limits and boundaries of their own, and should not only have a safeword but also be comfortable calling it if their own limits are exceeded. This includes cases where the dominant may feel things have gone too far and is uncomfortable continuing. As with any other participant, the dominant's safeword call should herald the stopping of all play and the start of a recuperative discussion between the participants.

D/s may be ritualized or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits, and needs in order to find commonality. Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust, and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible.

Forms:

Servitude and sexual slavery
Erotic humiliation (verbal and physical)
Bondage and physical restraint

Humiliation

Erotic humiliation is consensual psychological humiliation in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal. This can be for either or both the person being humiliated and demeaned or the person humiliating. It may be part of BDSM and other sexual roleplay or accompanied by the sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. Humiliation is a subjective issue, and is dependent on context. Usually there is a feeling of submission for the person being humiliated, and dominance, for the person implementing the humiliation. Erotic humiliation can be done verbally and/or physically. Some individuals assume an acting role and others prefer to be spoken to in a degrading way. A classic technique that can be used to put the submissive into a submissive mind space is to humiliate them while also providing them with sexual stimulation. Select individuals who desire this form of humiliation also use it to acquire emotional release. Humiliation can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations, it can also be easily carried out over a long distance (such as online).

Humiliation in general stimulates the same brain regions that are associated with physical pain, the inference being that humans evolved to remember social rewards and punishments as strongly as they recall physical reward or pain in response to their environment. As with any form of pain experimentation in a sexual context, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication are needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive. For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways but would be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.

As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene. Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are common. Some humiliation roleplay is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.

Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualised by association with arousal.

Means of humiliation

Verbal:

Verbal belittlement, with words e.g. boy
Degrading by names
Requirement to ask permission for activities
Forced repetition, such as the humiliated one being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them
Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.

Physical:

Being beneath the other partner during intercourse
Servitude: performing tasks for their dominant partner
Forced sexual degradation, including such acts as cunnilingus
Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) as to time spent and activities done, including lists of jobs to do, precise directions as to how the job is to be performed, and exactly how to act and behave.
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted - displays of subservience: following, speaking only when spoken to, eye contact rules, kneeling and prostrating oneself in front of the dominant when expecting orders and body worship (expressing acknowledgement, subservience, shame and positive emotions)
Discipline: erotic spanking, whipping, restraint
Erotic asphyxiation: very light restriction of oxygen
Dresscode: certain clothing, nakedness
Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as collars, cuffs
Being forced to wear a gag or restraints on the body
Erotic sexual denial
The submissive's having to ask permission to orgasm during sex
Embarrassment

Erotic sexual denial

Erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial, is a sexual practice or sex play in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage. It's associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied party. Orgasm denial practices can allow dominant lovers to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their submissive lovers' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Dominant lovers can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Submissive lovers can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualised objectification and erotic loss of control.

Tease and denial

Tease and denial is a situation where a person is stimulated until they are close to orgasm, then stimulation is stopped, keeping the person on the brink of orgasm. This is similar to orgasm control, but without the promise of orgasm at the end. If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm", as opposed to being a "denied orgasm". Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction. Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.

Tie and tease

To be able to control an orgasm of a partner in such sex games, physical restraints are commonly used. Situations involving bondage are typically called "tie and tease" and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of erotic denial. It is notable that in discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to, rather than the emotions generated by said activities (unless at an unacceptable level). Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.

Erotic hypnosis

Erotic hypnosis is the practice of hypnosis for sexual purposes. Hypnosis is an increasingly popular practice within a dominance and submission relationship to reinforce power exchange and as a form of play. The act of hypnosis itself can be erotic and relationship-affirming for many power exchange couples as the subject surrenders control and opens themselves to mental vulnerability.

There is no such thing as a "state of hypnosis" but that hypnotic influence can elicit an authentic sense of loss of control through manipulation of multiple "antecedent variables".

Reducing inhibitions and increasing arousal is a notable goal of erotic hypnosis. The placement of trigger words in the subject's mind as post-hypnotic suggestion to produce actions and experiences on-demand is a common practice. Erotic hypnosis can also include suggestions intended to improve sexual health. Hypnotic suggestions may include techniques to increase sensuality and increase libido.

Certain other practices such as persuasion techniques, conditioning, and neurolinguistic programming are often associated with erotic hypnosis

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Some how-to/tips and ideas guide for a female domination of a man:

Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/13xmww/my_howtotips_and_ideas_guide_for_female/

Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/13y2lo/female_domination_part_2_rougher_and_hopefully/

(Näitä en linkkei editoinu, joten näissä voi olla myös juttuja jotka ei kiinnosta. Mutta oli ainakin mielenkiintoista lukea toisen perspektiivistä)