This page either does not exist or is currently unavailable.You can also search for something on our site below.Or, if you're pedantic about capitalization (and in these times of Internet grammarian smackdowns, who isn't?), Ikea! I like to say it with a Swedish accent for added authenticity, but it really makes no difference. I also like re-enact their commercials by barking "You feel sad for the lamp? DON'T!" at unsuspecting family members from time to time. But actually shopping at Ikea? For those of you who have never been, Ikea is a wonderland. It's also a hellhole. Let's go together, yes?Enter the gigantic blue building through double doors. A children's playground where the kids are being cared for. They are likely chucking ball-pit balls at each other or crying in the middle of the room. That child is only crying because there's a five-foot-long stuffed ant hanging from the ceiling (the theme of this childcare is "forest") and it will haunt his dreams forever. You can check them in there while you shop!
When they've exhausted themselves through playing/hiding from the ant, you'll be able to pick them up and take them to the cafeteria. Make sure they are crying by then, or else they'll feel left out.Feel your sense of optimism -- look at all these storage solutions! Be charmed by the faux-Swedish names of things. Oh, a Borgnine convertible sofa. A chaise lounge woven from wicker and bamboo. A loft bed that will save space and also sway like a drunken pirate when you attempt to make love in it. Feel a creeping sense of despair that the Ikea showrooms are nicer than anything you've ever owned? Hang on to that feeling -- you'll be needing it when you attempt to put your new dresser together using only Allen keys and curse words.As you pass through the displays, note that the stylish display clothes are bolted to the walls and the display books are all in Swedish. Idly pick up a book as your family members debate the merits of the Svang chair when compared to the Jagerstruedel rocker for 57 minutes.
Note that "idiot" in Swedish is "idiot." ing to the bedroom section, look around you at the children's rooms. Wonder if Swedes have a notion that childhood should be as Seussian as possible. Become irrationally attached to the bed canopy that gives the appearance of a covered wagon. Fall deeply in love with the small-spaces display -- a daybed! A kitchen with little sink dividers! Fantasize about becoming an interior designer who specializes in treehouses and cruise ship cabins. Reject this fantasy when you realize how much school will be involved for what is probably a fairly specific market. Hate your day job.Realize that you haven't seen a window to the outdoors in three hours. Realize none of the fake bathrooms have toilets.Head downstairs to the small-items and pick-up zone. Pick up 13 different styles of vases. Carry around four vases until you find your shopping partner, who will have been staring at knives for 10 minutes with a vacant expression on his face. Force him to carry the vases, and the tea towels, and the gingerbread men cookie cutters, and the 100-pack of candles, plus plates, plus a 17-pack of off-brand Tupperware.
You will be dragging a rug behind you like an animal carcass; you can't carry the vases. Your hands are full.Arrive at the warehouse. Consult the list you've compiled of items you want: dressers and beds and tables and entire kitchens, nay, entire apartments. You will see "aisles" and "bins" in your scrawled handwriting. Make sure you have been accurate! The warehouse is about the size of metropolitan Detroit and twice as depressing. The aisles and bins contain your choices. If you change your mind about colour, know that your alternate choice could be in another bin, in another aisle. Because the warehouse has been designed by an algorithm written by a computer. Human beings would never do this to one another. The Geneva Convention would not allow it.Once you've piled your new furniture onto your cart, go the checkout. If you've come on a weekend, you are a fool. Wait in line for 45 minutes. Weep softly, if no one is watching. On the other side of the cashier, there is a commissary with 75-cent hotdogs and pasta in the shape of caribou.
Coffee and fountain pop will never be as sweet as it is today. Over and over, pick up and set down the same candle holder with the absentminded grace of a sedated nun.The rest is challenging, but you can go at your own pace. Load your hatchback with heavy boxes and stuff the empty spaces with vases, frantically trying to get onto the freeway with zero rear visibility and weighing an extra 700 pounds. Setting up your new belongings will take three hours longer than anticipated and require, in addition to the Allen key Ikea has sent home with you, a cordless drill, a stud finder, a hammer, a square-head screwdriver, and the help of your least stupid family member. Know that what you have made can never be unmade, because disassembling Ikea furniture is a mission for only the foolhardiest of movers. It's easier to chuck it out and start again.On the plus side, we can all agree that Ikea's 99-cent chocolate bars are second to none, and they sell lingonberry soda, which will lead to much quoting of The Big Lebowski if your companions are the least bit human.
Maybe you can watch The Big Lebowski tonight, as you sit on your new couch and idly wonder if the whole thing is going to collapse. This is a guest post from Karawynn Long, who writes about personal finance at Pocketmint. Karawynn is a semi-regular contributor for Get Rich Slowly. She has been blogging since before “blogging” was a word. Here at the Koke-Long house we’re in the market for some furniture. Our living room is currently semi-furnished with a comfortable but deteriorating Ikea couch and some leftover dining chairs; we’d like a nice armchair or two and some tables. I’ve mostly gone for Ikea ‘cheap and new’ furniture in the past, but I’ve been disappointed by its (understatement alert!) lack of durability. This time I’d like to try buying used but higher-quality. As I began to look around, though, I realized that I knew very little about what makes for a strong, long-lasting piece of furniture.
Anyone can identify a rip, scratch, or stain, or decide whether they like a certain color, without special knowledge. But judging whether a piece is likely to last two years or twenty — just by looking at it — is harder stuff. Here’s an overview of what I learned, with a checklist at the end. Wood furniture — composition I used to think hardwoods were hard and softwoods were soft. Actually, hardwood just means ‘from a deciduous tree’ and softwood means ‘from a coniferous tree’, and some hardwoods (like aspen) are softer than some softwoods. What you want on exposed surfaces is a wood that’s reasonably scratch-resistant. You can test this easily enough by attempting to draw a thin line with your fingernail across the wood; if it makes a visible dent (use a flashlight here if necessary) you know it won’t stand up to much use. Structurally, any kind of solid wood or sturdy plywood will do the trick. If plywood, look for at least nine layers. Check the wood for knots, even on unexposed pieces;
all knots are susceptible to cracks. Some woods, like pine, are ‘knottier’ than others, and therefore less desirable. Avoid particleboard, pressed wood, or fiberboard. Veneers — a thin piece of premium wood covering a lower-quality piece of wood — are often used even in very high-quality furniture. As long as the base piece is solid wood or plywood, the only drawback to veneer is that it limits the number of times an item can be refinished. Wood furniture — construction Joint construction is the main determinant of quality furniture. Anything held together with staples or nails is shoddy construction. Ditto if it’s glued and you can see the glue. Dowels (wooden pegs slotted into two opposing holes) are good, as are screws. The best joints are either dovetail (interlocking squarish ‘teeth’ — see photo) or mortise-and-tenon (narrowed end of one piece inserted into a hole in the other). Corners should have a reinforcing block attached at an angle. Look for thin sheets of wood between drawers in a chest of drawers or desk.
While not necessary, these ‘dust panels’ improve structural strength as well as protect drawer contents. Drawers should run smoothly on glides and have stops to prevent accidentally pulling them all the way out. The best drawers have bottoms that are not affixed to the sides but ‘float’ in a groove, allowing for minor expansion and contraction caused by changes in humidity and providing extra strength. Lift the piece at one corner — it should not twist or squeak. Check that all legs are touching the floor. Press on various corners to see if the piece rocks or wobbles. Upholstered furniture — composition For a sofa or chair with removable cushions, unzip a seat cover and have a look inside. You should see a block of foam wrapped with dacron, cotton, or (for very high-end cushions) down, preferably with a protective inner cover (usually muslin). Foam-only cushions are both less durable and less comfortable. If you’re buying new furniture, inquire after the density rating of the seat foam: you’re looking for 1.8 pounds or higher.
Removable back cushions may have foam as well but are more often loose fill. In the latter case, multiple internal compartments are preferred as they prevent the fill from settling. If there’s a tag or label, look for a cleaning code: ‘W’ means water-based cleaners, ‘S’ means solvent-based cleaners (‘dry cleaning’), ‘X’ means no liquid (vacuum only). Upholstered furniture — construction According to Consumer Reports, the oft-touted “eight-way hand-tied coil springs” don’t have a corner on comfort; coil, cone, sinuous, and grid springs can all work well. Best just to test the feel of the specific piece by sitting in various spots to see whether you tip or sink. If the cushions are removable, lift and press down on the deck underneath: you should feel even spacing and resistance to pressure. Squeeze the arms and back: ideally you should not be able to feel the frame through the padding. Lined skirts and ones with weights will hold their shape better over the long run.
Are the cushions reversible? You’ll get twice the wear if they are. Flip them around and make sure any upholstery patterns match up both ways. Tip: Consumer Reports has a nice diagram to help you assess upholstered furniture construction. That’s a lot of information. If you’re like me, you might find it difficult to remember all of these factors while you’re actually shopping at the furniture store. To make things easier, I’ve created a basic furniture shopping checklist. You may download the 35kb PDF or simply print the list below: Armed with this information, I feel much more confident about approaching future furniture purchases, both new and used. I hope you find it helpful too. GRS is committed to helping our readers save and achieve their financial goals. Savings interest rates may be low, but that is all the more reason to shop for the best rate. Find the highest savings interest rates and CD rates from Synchrony Bank, Ally Bank, and more. This article is about House & Home Hints and Tips House and Home Shopping