aaaaa

can you imagine what it feels like to drown?

the cold water rushing every orifice in your body, steadily devoiding you of any air; your mind going into wild survival mode, free of thoughts, just the instinct to get to the surface, but to no avail.

do you ever wonder who gives up first in those cases, the mind or the body?

i think it's the mind.

it's crazy what wonders have been created by humanity working together. modern medicine, modern architecture, modern infrastructure, modern clothing. all of these things we take for granted have been decades in the making and required the collevtive wit of many bright individuals to create. together, humans can not only overcome individual weaknesses, but live through catastrophes and come back even stronger after.

probably because of this, we're rewarded with positive hormones for working together, sharing knowledge, and building things.

it's also incredible what lengths some parents will go just to make sure their children can live in a better world, have a place they can call home, and have less things to worry about than they did.

because of this, many humans fear being alone, or without a home. some people's greatest fear is being alone in the wide ocean, and understandably so. it goes against all of our instincts to be alone, isolated, and without a home. these circumstances can drive people insane. humans are especially scary when they have nothing to lose.

now imagine drowning in a more metaphorical sense in our modern world. drowning in work, drowning in feelings, they don't feel so different from the literal sense. the feeling of helplessness is still the same, the lack of a way out, the urge to get to the surface, to get some breathing room or something to cling onto.

but what happens when nothing like that is in sight? nowhere to call home, nowhere to take a breather. what if the place you call home is actually a place where it gets even worse? what if, when you are drowning, noone is there to save you? or even tries to?

im writing this as i find it hard to explain to people what a daily struggle can feel like when you have trouble fulfilling any of maslovs famous needs.

when money isn't enough to consistently buy food and you often go half a day or a day or two without food; when home is a place where you get harassed by family; when even the job you have isn't secure; when the only people that care for you are far away and unable to help; when you don't see a way out; when self -actualization isn't even on the table because with full-time studying, half-time job, and another half-time taking care of a toxic family, that's 2 full times taken up; and when atop all of that, your own self-doubts and insecurities eat you up even more.

it does feel like drowning, like being stranded in the ocean, like seeing nowhere to go but having to constantly swim upwards to avoid going under, and like knowing that at one point your stamina will run out, and you won't be able to stay afloat any longer.