Your Name Sex
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Sex. Three letters, 9,000 ways to do it, an infinite number of ways to describe it. If you’re going to slide into your bae’s DMs and start installing malware, it’s important you deploy the right vocabulary. That way, he/she/xi will understand that your proposal for Netflix and chill is a request to stir up skirt yoghurt, and not to watch Netflix and chill.
With the right sexual lexicon (sexicon?), it’s possible to proposition your partner with onlookers being none the wiser. Talk dirty across the dinner table without the kids catching on; WhatsApp your fuckbuddy on the train without having to shield your screen.
From the faces you pull to the words you scream, sex is fucking ridiculous. And now, thanks to 50 Great Names for Sex, so’s its name.
The sensation of his bald-headed yogurt slinger smashing my cervix made me quake like a rat on acid. I awoke the next morning with my mound of love pudding still leaking. I thought it was over but his brie baton had other ideas.
★ Playing rodeo (most suited to when you call another girl’s name and then hang on for dear life)
The unrelenting orgasms from his throbbing quim dagger slamming my sperm socket made me come so hard, I began sweating like Joseph Fritzel on MTV Cribs.The feeling of his man fat oozing down my throat got my shrimp sap flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit.
★ Playing at rumpscuttle and clapperdepouch
And there you have it: 50 great names for intercourse. Thirsty for moar? As one ledditor points out, “You can make anything sound like a sex act just by combining a random adjective with a random noun. Like, “Man, this chick I met last night was crazy hot, I ended up giving her a Fluffy Elephant”. Double points if you add ‘reverse’ at the beginning. “So then he pulled The Reverse Brown Goblin and I had to call the police.”“
Your first experience with sex may have been catching your parents going at it when you were too young to understand what you were seeing…but it is more likely that it was at the ‘hands’ of said parents. It is important to note that this in no way ensures you are their child.
Breast names are like breasts: you can never have too many in your life. 50 great names for breasts cos they’re not gonna name themselves.
Colourful names for the most colourful time in a woman’s life. Because why have a period when you can birth a blood diamond and have a red wedding?
Awesome names for pooping. Because why take a crap when you can honk out a dirt snake?
Beautiful names for police. Because why call cops cops when you can call them buzzkill and boydem?
50 great names for penis, because sometimes ‘womb raider’ just won’t do. As the saying goes, when life hands you a big bag of dicks, make a blog with them.
From murder to suicide and scaphism to stroke, these are the world’s greatest names for death. Don’t kill anyone until you’ve read this.
“Sorry mother but there appears to be pecker snot on my smalls.” 50 great names for cum? One of them’s bound to stick.
Don’t shame fat people – shame butter slugs, cheese hogs and gravy dumpsters. 50 calorific names for fat, because lulz.
Yeah, we went there. 50 vaginal names for all occasions. You’ll never call it a vajayjay again. (SFW)
Why make love for the sole purpose of procreation when you can blow out some dick snot for the sole purpose of flushing the cache? 50 disgusting names for sex.
Are you sitting comfortably, ladies? Then unclasp your ham wallet and let’s begin. It’s time to butter the whisker biscuit.
Why jack it in San Diego when you can drain the vein and siphon the python? Favourite names for the world’s favourite pastime.
Ed Uncovered editor, word mangler and slinger of dank memes.
James R on Nov 11, 2015 at 10:41 am
You people are total reprobates. I love it.
Is this the last in the 50 Great Names series? I bloody hope not.
“Embarrassing the lady lace”
“Eating the lunch box”
” surfing the pink wave”
“Dancing in the tulip field ”
“Twerking the jerking ”
” one man shuffles ‘
“Lonely bone”
“Taming the main”
“Slipping and sliding”
” packing the punch ”
“Scaling the tower ”
“Bumping the stump”
xem them on Apr 15, 2020 at 2:19 am
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like you! Take care!!
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Your Name Sex
