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My Daughter Masturbates – Is That Normal?
July 9, 2010 Updated August 21, 2015
So, your daughter masturbates and it’s freaking you out, huh? Guess what: Masturbating is normal at any age. It just plain feels good. And it’s actually a good idea.
There are certain ages where this behavior will peak. You can guess which ages those are, if you think about the ages at which kids are most self-involved. The preschool years and the young-mid teen years are the true heights of existential existence. So for your 3 year old (and for a 13 year old), they live by the precept “If it feels good, do it.”
Should you be worried? No. Should you guide your child? Sure! This behavior is private. This is OK when you’re alone, in the bathroom or your bedroom. This isn’t something to do with other people around.
The important point here is to teach your child discretion without teaching her shame. Learning about her body, what feels good and what all the parts are for, is an important step on the road to being a healthy young adult. You want her to someday be an adult who does not let someone else touch her in a way she doesn’t like. Teaching her both privacy and pride directly affect her ability to protect herself and advocate for herself in the future.
Will your kid be be “overly sexual” later? Masturbation does not lead to promiscuity. Earlier I said it’s a good idea. Why? Teens who (on anonymous surveys) give high scores for masturbation and comfort with themselves often delay sex with others. Perhaps this is because they can explore these feelings alone, perhaps it is because they can better communicate what they do and don’t want to do. Maybe it’s because sex for teens tends to be messy, embarrassing, often terrifying and about 17 seconds from start to finish. The kids who can achieve orgasm alone may realize how much better it is!
All kids have sexual and sensual feelings. We each have a drive to explore these feelings (or we would never have kids). Consider this: would you rather your tween or teen try to satisfy these urges alone or with a friend? Many kids respond to their sex drive with experimentation. Having the knowledge and skills to satisfy their sexual hungers on their own can give them extra strength to avoid sexual situations they aren’t ready for. Pretending our children don’t have an inborn sexual drive will only increase their risk of bad outcomes later, like STDs and teen parenting.
Dr. Doom disclaimer: Children who suddenly become much more sexual at any age may be a victim of sexual abuse. This behavior usually represents itself in more than one way. Masturbating alone is not usually such an indicator. Children in this situation will often show behavior change as well, some becoming withdrawn or aggressive, behaving suddenly different towards men/teen boys. If you have ANY concerns about this, speak to your child’s doctor or seek out advocacy in your area.
Remember: Good parents can end up with a child who has been sexually abused by someone. Good parents ask and listen. Good parents look for the truth even if it is hard!
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Dating and sex are tough in the time of coronavirus, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have pleasure. The New York City Health Department released a guide on safer sex practices during the pandemic, urging people to remember that “you are your safest sex partner.” In other words, they’re praising the benefits of masturbation.
“Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex,” the memo continued.
In case you thought you read that wrong, the government is indeed encouraging masturbation. Apart from being impressively sex-positive, this message just makes sense. After all, self-pleasure can relieve stress and improve immune function (two particularly invaluable properties right now) among a host of other health benefits.
So, what are the health benefits of masturbation? And, is masturbation good for you? Let’s get into it.
As the news gets darker and the world tries to avoid cabin fever as we stay indoors, stress is a major concern. Masturbation is an excellent balm, according to Dr. Jordin Wiggins, sex expert and owner of Health Over All, a naturopathic and wellness clinic for women.
Pleasuring yourself releases mood-enhancing neurochemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins that can help you relax your muscles and ease your worried mind, even during high-stress times like these.
“During a time when everything is chaotic and the public is facing a high level of anxiety, masturbation is a private and safe technique to relieve that stress,” Dr. Wiggins tells Teen Vogue.
Dr. Wiggins also cited improved immune function as an essential benefit of masturbating. While it’s a debated topic among doctors, some studies have shown that orgasm can give your immunoglobulin levels a boost, thus strengthening your immune system and fending off illness — love to feel responsible and sexy at the same time!
(Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can masturbate and then just forgo hand-washing, hand sanitizer, and social distancing! Be safe!)
It strengthens pelvic floor muscles
If kegels stress you out, there’s another way to strengthen your pelvic floor that’s a whole lot more fun.
Masturbation can tone those same muscles, which leads to better sex and less of a risk of uterine or bladder prolapse! Both of those things are good, but one is admittedly sexier than the other.
If you experience chronic pain or have a condition that is flared up by stress or change, the pandemic may be even more of a nightmare. Dr. Wiggins strongly recommends masturbation as a form of self-treatment.
“Orgasm can be a natural pain reliever,” Dr. Wiggins explained, highlighting that it can also relieve headaches and menstrual cramps.
Additionally, while more research needs to be done, a particularly fascinating 1985 Rutgers University study found that participants had an elevated pain threshold while masturbating. The women in the study didn’t just become numb to pain — they just became considerably (almost 75%) more tolerant to it, while their ability to detect pain increased by more than 100%.
Again, masturbation shouldn’t be a replacement for other treatments, but if it helps, why not do it?
Lately, it’s felt like a “Choose Only One” challenge: stay updated on the news or get a restful night’s sleep. It can be difficult to stop your mind from reeling when you lay in bed at night, and that’s exactly why Dr. Wiggins highlights masturbation’s sleep-promoting properties.
According to Women’s Health Network, through both hormonal and tension release, masturbation can help prevent insomnia due to the calming effects of good ol’ oxytocin and endorphins, which can help you drift to sleep.
So yes, everything is scary. But you have more alone time than ever, and masturbating is good for you. Go ahead and treat yourself — you may just learn a little something new about what you like.
The young person’s guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment.
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