Son Fucks Mom And Sister

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One mom has no idea what she should do after she discovered that her 18-year-old son was having sex with her sister-in-law. Originally, she thought that having her brother and his family come stay with them at their farm would be a nice change. Their families could bond, she reasoned. But perhaps her son and his aunt took that spirit a little too literally.
They own a house on a large farm, she explained on the r/relationship_advice forum, and because they'd all been working from home they thought "it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm," she explained.
As for the mom, she has three kids of her own: a 13-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old daughter, and a son who's 18 years old.
Like when they recently went grocery shopping together and he splintered off from his mom to go buy "gym supplements."
"I saw condoms in my son's plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total (didn't think anything of it thought he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe)," she wrote.
It seemed very "normal" until recently when the mom was baking in the house and realized that she never actually saw them run around the property.
"I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (I thought nothing of this everything seemed normal)," she continued. "My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond."
She was coming home from a friend's house before the sun came up when she noticed there was a light on in a cabin that they have on the property.
"I thought maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up," she explained. "So I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a [peek] and it was my son and SIL having sex. I didn't confront them I was so in shock."
Does she confront them? Does she tell her husband? Does she tell her brother?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house, never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm (do they really go on a run or do they have sex?), the close relationship," she mused.
"I grew up on a farm and I'm just going to give you the advice no one here has yet -- hide the guns," one person advised. "Lock them up in a safe if you have one and put the key in a new place. No matter how you handle this it's gonna be bad."
"Tell husband first, then brother when son (and SIL + kids if possible) is out of the house," someone else suggested. "Come up with a plan with your husband to get them not living in your house anymore. Get a therapist for your son. No matter how 'consensual' this was, he's still young and this was a trusted family member who went after him. The months of lies alone will make him question his own integrity and could lead to issues.
"Lock up the weapons, not saying anything about your brother at all, but desperate people do desperate things," the person continued. "You never know how anyone involved will react. Hope for the best, plan for the worst."
"Tell your husband then sit down and talk to your son together, away from everyone else. Say, 'I know you and your aunt have been having sex. I need [you] to tell me what's going on,'" the person wrote. "Do not elaborate and do not tell him what or how you know. He will spill more information this way than if you give him details, because that means he can't lie as easily. Then get him and ALL of the kids out of the house before you talk to your brother."
In an update to her original post, she shared that she first went to her husband (who could barely believe it was true) and then her son, who'd seen her first post online and already knew that his mom knew about the illicit affair.
"He didn't deny anything, he confessed," she wrote. "He told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year (he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL's birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings."
She wrote that her son told her the SIL initiated their first encounter and was the one setting up hotel rooms, buying him meals and giving him "an allowance."
He sent their son to stay in a condo they owned "in town as he didn't want to see him in front of him at this moment."
"When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother's room and told my brother everything (SIL was not in the house at that moment)," she continued.
He demanded to know where his nephew was to "teach him a lesson," but the parents refused to tell him. Meanwhile, her SIL never returned -- which means her brother called her or her son tipped her off.
"In all the screaming and shouting my daughters heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won't ever let him in the house again," she wrote. "My husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our two eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship."
He won't answer her calls or texts, and her husband advised her to give him space to "heal."
"My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend's and he won't tell us which friend," she wrote. "No word on SIL."
It is probably best if her brother and his family leave the farm and allow them to work through things on their own, while she and her husband work together to get her son into therapy. Hopefully he can both get the support he needs but also realize that his actions have MAJOR consequences.
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My son’s behaviour towards his sister and me is inappropriate
Something is clearly going on with your son, and you need to find out what, says Annalisa Barbieri
‘You may not have found porn on his computer, but that does not mean he hasn’t been exposed to it.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian
Last modified on Mon 22 Mar 2021 07.50 GMT
My son is 12 and on the cusp of puberty. For the last six months, his behaviour towards me and his 15-year-old sister has become oversexualised and inappropriate. This has included making lewd remarks and suggestions to her. He often grabs her, or strokes her hair or arms. He does the same to me, using language that sounds like lyrics from suggestive love songs. When going to and from the bathroom, he exposes himself and makes lewd remarks.
We’ve made it clear we don’t like it and want him to stop. He laughs and says he didn’t mean it. He rarely behaves like this in front of his father (we all live together). He goes to an all-boys school and I haven’t had reports of this there.
I’m at the end of my tether. I want to show him, in front of his sister, that his behaviour could be classed as criminal. I’ve tried punishments that we use for other poor behaviour. Sometimes this stops him temporarily. In general, he is quite an anxious, angry and unhappy person at home. I monitor his internet access and I haven’t found evidence he watches porn or adult content. He mostly uses it for gaming.
Teenagers often test the boundaries with their parents, but it’s not usual for boys to make suggestive sexual comments to female members of the family, and less usual still that they expose themselves. This is the age they tend to become more self-conscious and inhibited – so something is clearly going on with your son and you need to find out what.
I contacted Graham Music, a psychotherapist (childpsychotherapy.org.uk) who has worked extensively with children and adolescents – especially troubled ones – and has written several books on the subject.
We both wondered what your husband’s reaction to your son’s behaviour was – whether or not he witnesses it himself? He needs to be more involved than he seems to be. It’s important for men to call out inappropriate behaviour in other men, and that starts in the home.
Music said that, often, if children are experiencing something they cannot deal with, they will seek to make others feel what they are feeling. It’s as if they are throwing it out there to say, “This is what I’m dealing with.” So the child who feels shame may seek to make others ashamed, the child who feels left out rejects others, and so on. “You don’t often act out so overtly unless you’ve been exposed to something that’s been overwhelming,” explains Music.
You may not have found porn or adult content on his computer, but that does not mean he hasn’t been exposed to it. It is likely he will have seen something. He could have seen or heard something via gaming; get more involved (you and your husband) in what he does online, which is best done by showing an interest rather than hectoring.
The fact he’s angry and anxious worries me further. Was he always like this? Music asks: “How did your son deal with unhappiness as a child?”
I would also talk to the school to get a better picture of what’s going on there. “Is he being bullied, and is he bullying you and his sister in turn?” asked Music. Has he recently changed schools?
My sister is being abused by her husband. What can I do?
Music was also interested in the dynamics of your house: “Who else lives there, what else is going on there, what are the power dynamics between you and your husband?”
There was scant information in your letter and little curiosity about why your son is doing this. The key to stopping it is to understand why he’s doing it. “It could be sexual urges,” said Music, “or it could be he’s using the sexual as a language to enact something else, like asserting power.” How do you generally deal with feelings in the family? Are they allowed or are they buried? Your son might have noticed and enjoyed getting a reaction out of you. But, again, you need to look at why he feels this compulsion.
In the meantime, his behaviour must be addressed and your daughter told she can react to protect herself. “Boundaries and authority are essential,” says Music, “But you and your husband need to set those up together. Try to stop his behaviour and then work out why it’s happening. Your son needs to understand there are consequences, but you need to make space to think about why he’s doing this.”
Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a family-related problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa on a family matter, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
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