Sex Don T Care Sex

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We're having sex. We could get stabbed and not notice for hours. We're not going to notice your hairy legs.
1. Whether or not your vagina smells like a field of fresh lilies. If your vagina literally smells like a field full of flowers, that might be a cause for concern. But a vagina is supposed to smell like a vagina. Plus, it's not like Yankee Candle is ever going to put out a "Balls" scent, so we're pretty much even. Most guys either actively like the way you smell down there or are pretty neutral on the whole thing.
2. Whether or not you're hairless like a sex dolphin. Unless you suffer from hypertrichosis, skipping out on shaving for a few days isn't going to be a deal-breaker. Considering most guys would put their lives on the line for the opportunity to bang, getting a pube in our mouth is a pretty tame risk to take. Also "sex dolphins" aren't actually a thing. Don't Google that.
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3. How wet (or not wet) you are. There's no such thing as too wet. There also is such a thing as lube. Neither of these things are issues.
4. Any sounds your vagina may make during intercourse. Weird sex noises are totally normal and the only way they're horrible is when you stop mid-coitus to be like, "Oh, man. That was gross." No, it wasn't. What's gross is having sex one moment and then not having sex the next just because apparently you never shoved your hand in a tube of Gak growing up. This is what happens when you shove something into something tight and wet. Air escapes violently.
5. If you're too loud or not loud enough. As long as you're not grabbing us by the head and screaming into our ear loud enough to burst our eardrums, it's all good. Unless we have neighbors. And if you're the kind of woman who gets really quiet right before they orgasm, that's OK too. No guy needs you to repeat, "I'm having a great time at sex" over and over until they finish.
6. Your heaving bosom. You're going to bounce everywhere during sex or we're not doing our job right, dammit. Also, jiggling is awesome. No need to feel self-conscious about it. To that point though, definitely grab your breasts and make a hand bra if (1) it hurts you or (2) you just want to play with them, because that's awesome, too.
7. That you have a butthole. Everyone has a butthole. Even starfish have buttholes and they don't have anything. Stop being so weird about it.
8. Whatever weird sex face you think you're making. We probably think it's hot. Also, it's tough to pay attention because we're too busy making weird sex faces.
9. Whether or not your hair is up. Believe it or not, when we're busy thinking, "Oh boy, I'm having sex," we don't have time to think about dumb things like whether or not you washed your hair. There's no need to whip out 19 bobby pins and start styling your hair while you ride us. Just let it fall in front of your face and hit us in the eye. We don't care. We're having sex.
10. How long it takes you to come. As long as our legs aren't cramping up after 30 minutes of pumping away, don't worry about how long it takes you to get there. The only thing that makes us feel more manly than making a woman come is hammering swords shirtless in our iron forge and most of us don't have those anyway so it's pretty much just this.
11. Giving us pointers. If something doesn't feel right, or you need us to speed up or slow down, say something. No guy is going to complain about a little constructive criticism. Just don't bark orders. There's a difference between moaning, "Fuck me slower," and saying, "To the left, you idiot."
12. If you don't always feel like giving us a blowjay. Oral sex is great, but sometimes you want to skip the mozzarella sticks and go straight to the burger (if it wasn't clear in my greasy diner food metaphor, the burger is the sex and the sticks are the foreplay. Foreplay is like mozzarella sticks. The more you think about it, the more apt it is). It's OK to say no a blow job sometimes. We get it.
Cosmo Frank I am a human male that enjoys consuming meals consisting of all five food groups and fulfilling every level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
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I'm not really sure how often we're "supposed" to think about sex, but I've always had the impression that I'm a little bit on the far end of from what's considered a "normal" attitude about sex for a 20-something woman. I knew I was already pretty disinterested in getting into sexy times as early as high school. I was decidedly a late-bloomer, and was unbothered by that fact. It wasn't until I got to college that some honing signal activated and I was like, "Oh, wait—maybe bumping uglies isn't terrible and gross. Maybe people enjoy it." Even then, though, I never went out of my way to seek it out. My feelings about having versus not having the sex can be summed up in one emoticon: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
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It's not that I am not into the idea of sex altogether, because I definitely have feelings of attraction for people—and when I do, they can be intense. It's just that I feel that kind of attraction with very few humans, and when I don't happen to be feeling it for anyone, I don't miss sex all that much. It's not really a "woe is me" situation; I just don't think about it very often, because for whatever reason, my brain simply isn't hardwired that way.
I know I'm not necessarily in the majority of humans in that respect, or at least that is what I gather from my friends and the media in general. I can really only gather what I know about sex from my own perspective. A ton of people in my life totally understand this and relate, and a lot of people are like, "Eh, I don't get it, but I respect it." But then, of course, there are the people who "get it" without really getting it, which is when you have to deal with all these tired phrases getting tossed around:
I get a lot of this simply because I fit into this stereotype when I was a kid. But I grew into a decidedly neutral adult, and what's more is that I know plenty of people who aren't interested in sex who have never identified as "goody-goodies". I'm sure there are a lot of people who abstain from sex for their morals, but some of us aren't abstaining for any reason at all (unless "meh" qualifies). In most cases, nobody pressured us to be a certain way. We just sort of are, and that's that.
Um, nothing. I don't regularly wash my car and nobody asks me why I'm afraid of that, so IDK why this question is open season. But let's consider a scenario where I was a person who felt afraid: How is it in any way helpful bring that out into the open? People who are afraid of sex probably have legitimate and personal reasons for it that they shouldn't have to justify to anybody.
The amount of sex you have does not have any stake on your worth as a person. I repeat: The amount of sex you have does not have any stake on your worth as a person. Having a lot of it doesn't make anyone a "slut," and it makes me sad to hear people refer to themselves that way. It makes me even sadder that they are referring to themselves that way under the assumption that non-sexual people were already thinking it. News flash: WE ARE NOT. Plenty of my friends have active and exciting sex lives. Even as a person who doesn't live that kind of life, I am totally supportive of it. Their stories are the best because honestly, no matter how little sex you're having, it's always bizarrely fun to talk about it. There is no judgment. Only oversharing and fun.
How you feel about sex is a fundamentally you thing, not something that the "right person" will magically change. Even in incidences when I was very sexually attracted to someone, I've still kept the same feelings about sex at my core. I hate this idea that someone has to come "fix" us. We're not, like, suffering over here from our indifference. We don't need someone to "fix" anything.
NOPE. We all took the same health class in junior high, I think we're all good here, Coach. Seriously though, there's no "right" way to do the sex anyway, and this implication from other people is both condescending and insulting. When I'm attracted to someone and have sex with them, I thoroughly enjoy it—therefore I am doing it right.
Maybe I'm just getting this because I'm single as hell, but I also notice friends saying this with an idea in their head that they'll introduce me to that one friend of theirs who also isn't having a lot of sex and we will magically transform into SEX MANIACS and everything will be GREAT. But the thing is, people who aren't into the sex actually have no trouble finding people who want to have it with them. I'm entirely confident a few strategic swipes on Tinder could amend that situation for just about anyone. It's just that I don't feel like it.
I mean, for most of humanity this is a problem. We are all very busy, which is a consequence of being a human. But I've noticed that when you're really, really attracted to someone, people will find a way to make it work. With people who are less interested in sex, that just happens a lot less often. When it does, we will totally move around our sched to pencil in the sexy times, à la Liz Lemon getting off on organizing sex with James Marsden. (I know his name was Criss in the show, but I refuse to acknowledge James Marsden as anything other than James Marsden because come on.) Just because we don't have those feelings quite as often as everybody else doesn't mean we won't metaphorically shove all the utensils off our work desks when we do.
Aside from the fact that this just oozes unfair sex superiority, it's also just plain...wrong. I've never had a problem with the way that I am, and I'm pretty sure most people who share my feelings about this would agree. I never feel like I'm "missing out" on something I don't really crave in the first place. It's not like feeling one way or the other way about sex is necessarily "better"—they're just different. Spare us the pity parade, K?
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