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The Hitchhikers Guide to New Zealand would be an apt name for this book. But A Land of Two Halvessuits it well. Joe Bennett, a South Island newspaper columnist, for whatever reason (I suspect publicity) decided to hitchhike his way around the North and South islands of New Zealand. He proceeds to chat up locals and the good samaritans that pick him up ala John Steinbeck in Travels With Charley: In Search of America and has a sense of humor akin to Bill Bryson, so why do I feel let down by this book? It should be spectacular.My best guesses for the disappointment are (a)the most exercise he gets is training his peepers on a beautiful view, a little bit of hiking and waggling his thumb for a ride. (b)He never states (at least I didnt see it) an objective for his adventure. I wanted to pull for him to make his goal but I didnt know what it was. There was no timeline, self-imposed rules to follow, unless the hitchhiking around the island was. But if it was, he caved on that one. Im still curious... (c)According to the author, Now is the shoulder season, (referring to Queenstown as a pretty whore for the rich)between the bungy-jumping, parapenting, jet-boating, scree-luging summer of fun, and the four-month winter carnival of snow. Queenstowns a playground. It bills itself as The Adventure Capital of New Zealand. Home of the risk-free risk, of sanitised thrills and safety helmets, of a twenty-first-century parody of danger. What came free with the territory for the pioneers now comes very expensive for the tourist. The cash registers run on adrenaline. This expresses some pretty serious attitudes. There may be a clue here. Maybe the trek is about finding out what New Zealanders are really like.I like Bennetts style of writing. His wit combined with descriptive prowess goes a long way with me. Hes a good enough writer that he can make the reader engage all their senses. Here are a couple of samples.Awww! Exploitation deluxe. (his childhood reminisce) When a whale rose, it rose like an island, a gray-brown hugeness. Immediately three planes swung down towards it, circling and banking to give their paying passengers the view. And three boats skimmed across to it, and stopped to give their paying passengers the view. A hundred or so people, watching a whale being a whale.Ewww!Gross. With one hand firmly gripping the guard rail I piss over the edge. When Ive done up my flies and taken a step back, the last drops are still falling.Ooo! This is the place where our element end. Here is rock, sea, wind, all of it dwarfing and wordless. Theres nothing to do here, nothing except stand a while and gawp. ....I can see two oceans clashing. Two different angled lines of waves meet like ribs on a fish. At the point of coincidence the water churns hugely.Har har! My room has cushions on the bed that I cant see the point of, and a chocolate on the pillow that I dont want, but do eat. The curtains consist of yard upon yard of looped and draped material that I couldnt imagine anyone wanting. Beside the bed there is a copy of Chateux of the Loire. A glass case in the bathroom holds miniature specimens of honey, speargrass soap, guava hair conditioner and root ginger shampoo as if they were museum exhibits. On the cistern theres an aerosol of forest fragrance so I wont have to smell my own shit.But I cant fault the proprietor. She even offers to wash my socks and underpants. No one has done that for me for over a quarter of a century. The writing, Kiwi-ness brings this book up to 3.5 stars for me. Now if hed just had a durned reason for writing the book, it would be a 4.5 to 5.0!
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