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Help caught 10 year old son masturbating :-(
Hello really not sure how to handle this at all, my son has had an infection and really bad swelling in his penis for nearly two weeks, had to go to a&e because of it and doctors , ended up back there yesterday because he's now got thrush caused by the antibiotics last night after his bath and him applying the cream I went back into his bedroom to check on him and walked right in on him masturbating I was shocked and he cried and thought I was going to shout at him, I asked him how long he's being doing it and he said two weeks, me in shock said its no wonder your willy is sore at the moment which I now know wasn't the right thing to say to him.
Me and his dad aren't together anymore and he can't talk to his dad about anything which I think is very sad I always seem to be the middle man and have to tell him things about our son.
Is there any good books we could look at together to talk about it , do I got my partner of 6 years to have a little chat with him ??
I really can't believe my baby ( I know he's 10) is growing up, I'm also pregnant with my second child due in December.
Hope someone can give me some advice on how to deal with this.
Do your partner and son get along? If so maybe a chat with him might be a good idea

i have no experience of this, so probably being naive and optomistic, so please forgive me.

if i was in your shoes i would probably get my partner to talk to him, if he has been around that long then he must have some sort of relationship with your son.

i would maybe sit down with him in the interim and say that whilst what he is doing is natural (dont shout at me, its just my opinion) you would recommend he doesnt do whilst he is so sore, as it will just become more painful.

i am dreading this coming up with my son,
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Yes they do get on but he works away not back until Sunday , do I tell his dad or keep it to myself ??
Yes they do get on but he works away not back until Sunday , do I tell his dad or keep it to myself ??
Is it something you're concerned enough about to involve his dad or could it wait until partner is back? X

My ds is 5 he obv does masterbate at the mo but does play with himself a lot, I have just told him its fine to do but it's a private thing that he does in his room by himself. He does say I'm just going to have willy time which I am hoping he will just do it and not announce it for much longer. Just don't make him feel bad or dirty books are really good aswell
I agree, I think its not something that his Dad should have to be consulted about. Maybe get ur partner to have a word if its concerning you. Although it is going to happen one day out of pure curiosity.

Dont make him feel ashamed or naughty/dirty for doing it as he could see sexual relationships in an unhealthy light when he is older.

As the lady said, just tell him not to do it whrn he is sore like now.

My son is 10 and I dont doubt he has done something like this as he is doing sex ed at school and gets rather interested in how things work etc. I havent caught him yet though and I hope I never do.

Good luck

Amie x


I think your right about telling him there's nothing wrong in him doing it but not while he's got an infection.
He gets on really well with my partner he's been in his life more than his dad when you work out the time we have been together, his dads never taken him on holiday but rubs in where he goes with his partner (he says he can't afford to take him In school holidays, but my partner pays for us to go) grrrrr he does see him when he's not working sometimes its just to take him out for tea after work then brings him home,
I think I'm more in shock about my son doing it at 10 , they sure grow up too quickly now
agree that you should just tell him its natural but that he should probably leave it alone while it recovers!
also that its something that he should do in private.
I don't think you should tell his dad though as I really don't think its that big a deal and may cause him to become secretive about talking to you in case you tell others.
I think if I caught my son doing this I would have a hard time trying to keep a straight face!
Help!! 10 year old son driving me crazy
I think your right about telling him there's nothing wrong in him doing it but not while he's got an infection.
He gets on really well with my partner he's been in his life more than his dad when you work out the time we have been together, his dads never taken him on holiday but rubs in where he goes with his partner (he says he can't afford to take him In school holidays, but my partner pays for us to go) grrrrr he does see him when he's not working sometimes its just to take him out for tea after work then brings him home,
I think I'm more in shock about my son doing it at 10 , they sure grow up too quickly now
Do you think it's since he's had the infection it started? As its true there Is nothing wrong with it and they do grow up too quick

Kerry,

Reading what u have wrote, I would of said it was me! So im totally with you. Part time dads suck!

Get this my sons dad doesn't pay maintenance either!!

Dr Christian Jesson does a really good growing up book. Thinks its recommended from age 8yrs.

Let me know how u get on xxx
My ds is 5 he obv does masterbate at the mo but does play with himself a lot, I have just told him its fine to do but it's a private thing that he does in his room by himself. He does say I'm just going to have willy time which I am hoping he will just do it and not announce it for much longer. Just don't make him feel bad or dirty books are really good aswell
I'm sorry I laughed at that .... just imaging grown men saying sorry dear going for willy time .... not trying to be offensive !!

As to the op ... ah think you should try talking to him a wee bit along the lines of normal ... everybody does it then get your partner too talk too him ... just so he knows ur both there to talk too
Nikki I really don't know how I kept a straight face afterwards , poor child must be scared for life with me walking in on him !!!!!
I can always remember his dad telling me what he used to get up too aged 9- 10 and not really believing him but maybe he turns after his dad !!!
I've decided I'm not going to tell his dad I want my son to always be able to talk to me about anything and not have to worry about me betraying him ( think his dad would tease him about it ) !
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As others have said just explain to him that while he is sore he is better to not do it but that it is perfectly natural that he does it, you don't want to make him feel like it is wrong for him to do it.
A good book to help explain what is happening to his body is "What is happening to me" for boys. With the book he can read about things and if he has any questions he can talk to either you or your partner, if he would feel happier talking to a man.
I wouldn't bother telling his dad as it isn't a big issue that is affecting him. It is just a part of growing up, which they seem to do far too fast.
Sorry, but all this 'wait until a man can talk to him about it' is rubbish.

You are his mum, and right now he probably needs to know that you weren't freaked out by what you saw.

It's perfectly natural and normal for everyone to masturbate, especially children of that age who are only just getting used to their bodies and exploring those nice feelings.

Talk to him and reassure him. Explain to him about the whole thing, that is what mothers do!
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