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by Dan Savage • Aug 27, 2020 at 1:19 pm
But I digress. Cut to the present. I am 68 years old, and I still feel horribly ashamed of my past forays into "bestiality." Honestly, sometimes when I recall the experience, I feel like a monster, like I am some sort of subhuman. And I also feel a bit aroused. Those were some powerful orgasms for sure. But then I feel rotten about it, like an evil person and I think that if people "knew" no one would ever speak to me again.
I know all this self-hatred and shame is not good for my mental health and I really want to find some sort of peace about it but honestly do not feel I could sit across from someone and talk about it face to face, that's how ashamed I feel. I hope you can help me.
Dan, how common is this sort of behavior? And how do I get over feeling so horrible about it?
Problematic Uncensored Puppy Play Is Eroding Sanity
Zoophilia is more common than most people think, PUPPIES, but we don't have solid numbers.
First, let's quickly define our terms: zoophilia is a sexual/romantic interest in animals, PUPPIES, whereas bestiality is the legal term for the sometimes criminal, sometimes not offense of sexually engaging with non-human animals. Not all people who engage in acts of bestiality are zoophiles, not all zoophiles engage in acts of bestiality. Some non-zoophiles mess around with animals because they lack a human option; some zoophiles mess around with humans because they don't wanna violate an animal and/or risk going to prison.
Alfred Kinsey—whose renowned sex research institute is currently being dismantled—wrote in the 1940s that roughly 8 percent of men and 3.6 percent of women engaged in some type of sex act with a non-human animal. Those numbers are disputed and this isn't a frequently researched subject, PUPPIES, precisely because it's so taboo. So I can't tell you how common acts of bestiality are. But if Kinsey's numbers or the results of later studies come anywhere close then millions of your fellow Americans have had sex with animals. A few have even stooped so low as to have sex with Donald Trump.
So you're not alone, PUPPIES. That doesn't make having sex with animals okay or advisable—there seems to be a link between men having sex with farm animals and penile cancer—but you're not the only woman or girl out there who has allowed a pet to lick her genitals.
It isn't just the frequency of zoophilia/bestiality that's in dispute; America's laws are likewise all over the place. You can look at zoo porn in Washington State but you can't sell it—bestiality was also legal in the Washington until, you know, Mr. Hands. If you rape a dog in California you're on the sex offender registry, but you can fuck your cat in Kentucky. In Idaho and Michigan, though, sex with animals will get you life in prison.
Most of the laws were introduced between 1999 and 2012, a time when many states still had sodomy laws on the books—so, yeah, rather un-hilariously it would seem that consensual man-on-man sex was illegal for a lot longer than the man-on-dog variety that Rick Santorum is still sitting up nights fantasizing about.
You have my permission to stop feeling bad about what you did way back when. There are a lot worse things you could've done over the course of your life, PUPPIES, to other human beings or to those dogs or other animals. (I'm pretty sure worse was done to the lamb I had for lunch.) You didn't torture your pets and, given your descriptions of what went down, it's highly unlikely you traumatized them. Your first interaction was accidental and innocent (and swiftly punished), PUPPIES, and you made the mistake of not so innocently and not so accidentally exploiting two other dogs later in your young/young-ish life. But all those incidents took place decades ago. It's well and good to recall a bad action with regret and sometimes feelings of shame are necessary useful, PUPPIES, if those feelings prompt us to be more conscientious about the choices we make in the future.
But there's no point in torturing yourself endlessly about those dogs decades after the incidents—and decades after those dogs went dog heaven, PUPPIES, particularly since no one, human or non-human, was likely harmed. Want to stop feeling so horrible about it? Change your will and leave a nice chunk of your estate to a charity that works to rehabilitate and re-home abused, exploited, or neglected animals. Instead of picking at scabs and reopening wounds, take action. Make the world a better and safer place for the dogs in it now, PUPPIES, and then you can tell yourself that more good flowed out of these incidents than bad.
Guilt tripping yourself is a waste of time. Instead, do some actual, useful penance, PUPPIES, and then make up your mind to redirect all of the energy you're currently devoting to feeling terrible into finally forgiving yourself.
Reminding yourself that the harm done here was mostly to you might help—again, it's highly unlikely those dogs were harmed. You didn't penetrate them, you didn't tear at their insides, you didn't leave them in state where they couldn't be trusted around other humans or be placed with other families. In addition to lacking opposable thumbs, those dogs lacked the moral capacity to sense the wrongness of what they were doing—you were the only one left with psychological scars, you were your chief victim, you have the right to forgive yourself.
You had an early, formative experience with a pet, it created a powerful and pleasurable association, PUPPIES, one it took you a decade and change to learn to resist. But you've resisted it for four decades now. So let it go—finally and forever. You're not the Harvey Weinstein of the dog world. You're not even the Al Franken of the dog world. The guilt, the feelings of shame—let them go. Let yourself off the hook, crawl down off that cross, stop flagellating yourself.
And please tell my mom I said hi when you see her in heaven.
In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller).
In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller).
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PO Box 86208, Portland, OR 97286

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14 year old daughter ready for sex help!!!
hi
my 14 year old daughter has just told me shes ready to have a sexual relationship with her bf whos 16. I have always told her that when shes ready to let me know and we can sort out contraception etc, but now shes told me its freaked me out a bit as i didnt expect it so soon I really dont know how to deal with it as if i say no she will probably do it anyway but without my support, but if i say yes its like saying yeah go ahead its fine
please advise

Legally, if she has sex with her bf, he can be arrested for statutory rape as you DD is under 16.

Personally, if she was my daughter, I would sit her down and explain to her why she is still to young to be having sex. At 14 she is still a child. I know there are girls out there having sex at 14, but if you can prevent it, I would try my damdest. xx
i would much prefere to prevent it, but im not sure of the right way to go about it without making her feel im been controling and unfair as they do at that age when you say no to something, id like to discourage her but also make it her desision not to have sex
14 year old daughter and her boyfriend, advice please
All you can do is explain the reasons why she shouldn't, unwanted pregnacy, STI's, also explain that her bf WILL be arrested if they have sex, as he is over the age of consent, and she is under. its easy forn her tosay no one will find out, but it could happen. She tells a freind or he does, and someone calls the police. And if they are so 'in love', he will wait, if hes not willing to wait then hes not worthy of being her bf, cause she worth more than that. xx
Wow what a great relationship you have got with your daughter, very hard as you have said though to know what to do now, from her point of view she has done exactly what you have asked her to, no mean feat at 14 and is trying to be completly honest with you, i think that is really amazing.

I'm sure you have and will give her all the do's and don't as you sound like you have that kind of relationship.

If you think she is going to sleep with him anyway, i would let her know that you still think she is a bit young but if she is still sure that she wants to do this then help arm her the pill and condoms, if she's going to do it anyway then at least it will be safely, mostly down to yourself being such an open and honest mother.

Really hard one though, you have my sympathy's,it's a hard slog this teenage thing.:)
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
I think you are a fantastic mum, your dd is so lucky.
 I became sexually active at 14 with my bf who I had been with for 18 months.
I could not speak to my parents about such a toboo subject.
So bf & I went to doc together.
As you quite rightly said she will probably do it anyway.
My advise is talk as much as possible, keep the door open for her to start a disscusion anytime she wants.
If they do then your job is to make sure they get as few opportunities as poss, such as not been alone in house etc.
Hiya

It's a difficult one really.. and something I haven't yet had to deal with yet so my answer is from a theoretical point of view.

I think you should sit down and explain to her that she is too young and explain why the age of consent is there. I would tell her (perhaps even look at sites on the net) about STD's and pregnancy and explain that even using contraception carefully does not make sex 100% safe. Perhaps even let her read some of the unplanned pregnancy stories on here?

Having said that, I do think if she is going to do it then she is going to do it. I was on the pill from aged 14 for my periods and I think it would be worth her going to the docs and going on it perhaps just incase. Also perhaps you could put some condoms in a box for her and give them to her.

Good luck with everything, you sound like a fab mum xx [smilie=056.gif]
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
Well done you for being so open with your daughter, it is rare. I also have a 14 yr old daughter and dread what you are going through! I think you are going about it right and I think as long as she takes "on board" what you say she will make an "adult" decision.
Good luck.
My 14 year old daughter refuses to go to school.
Firstly, I think that the fact that your daughter is willing to discuss this with you is fantastic!
Not many 14 year olds would do that, you must have a great relationship.
I can't give any advice that hasn't already been given, just express your concerns about sex at such a young age (reminding her that it is illegal, as well) but remember if she is intent on doing it, then she probably will. So make sure she knows about the contraception available to her at her age.
Good luck hunni
xx
You must have a very open relationship that's fab.

People are right when they say she is under the legal age of consent. It would only take a teacher at school to find out and they would inform the police which is a whole heap of trouble nobody needs.
Thanx so much for all your help. its given me plenty to discuss with her. I have arranged an evening with her tonight and my husband and son are making themself scarce. will let you know how it goes and thanx to all of you
I think you're going about it completely the right way! Yay you

My DD is nearly 11 and I so hope our relationship is the same as yours when she's 14. We're close now and I try to be honest but we've not reached the teens yet, it could all change and that is scary!
12 yr old daughter has had sex. Help!!!
14 year old son refusing to go to school
how lucky you and your dd are to have such an open and respectful relationship. I think the fact that you have this relationship that your dd feels comfortable to come to you about this is wonderful and shows her to be a fairly mature young woman, rather than just jumping in without any prior thought or planning.

I dread my dd being older, she is only 7 and still seems like my little baby girl but i really hope that when she is older we have as close and open a relationship.

I would say the same as everyone else, make sure she has all the facts, and point out that her bf could be arrested. But then i guess as you say ultimately you want to be supportive. The idea of taking them both down to the family planning clinic is a good idea, make sure they're both safe.

Good luck talking to your dd this evening, and who knows, maybe she will listen to your concerns and decide she wants to wait after all, good luck.
I just hope my daughter is as sensible as yours when the time comes and comes to me first. Your obviously doing great as a Mum.

I have odd religious beliefs that involve chastity before marriage, I have found when talking to the teenagers at church about it, it works not to point out the pregnancy and STDs they know that usually and feel invulnerable. What I find helps is talking about the positives of not having sex too early that usually generates a more useful discussion.

I found that being chaste as a teen gave me a better relationship with boyfriends we needed to find other ways to have fun together, its easier to walk away if you have to or its not working out,,  There are others but would probably sound bonkers to a teenager who wasn't considering chastity, but if you can talk about the aspects that will give her a better relationship with her boyfriend, and her own emotional growth its going to be more positive.

-Charley
2 month old baby & mum is kicking me out

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