Incest Story 15
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By Jenny Kutner
Published January 15, 2015 8:49PM (EST)
Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) is a term used to describe intense, almost obsessive romantic and sexual feelings that estranged relatives often feel for each other upon reunion -- yes, I said "often." According to the Guardian, "50% of reunions between siblings, or parents and offspring, separated at birth" result in GSA -- a much higher proportion than one might expect, especially given the dearth of research on these relationships. Science of Us notes that the most underreported of all GSA relationships is between biological fathers and daughters, which are often scrutinized for power dynamics similar to many abusive relationships. So, naturally, the blog went ahead and found a young woman who is "dating her dad" to hear her side of things.
Science of Us spoke with an 18-year-old "from the Great Lakes region" who has been in a serious relationship with her previously estranged father for two years. The two are engaged to be married, but did not see each other for 12 years before they reunited; the woman explains that when they first saw each other, when she was 16, their attraction was immediate:
It was so weird and confusing. I was seeing my dad for the first time in forever but it was also like, He’s so good-looking! And then I was like, What the hell are you thinking? What is wrong with you? I saw him as my dad but then also part of me was like, I’m meeting this guy who I have been talking to over the internet and really connecting with and I find him attractive.
The two began a sexual relationship within the first few days they were together:
We stopped and said that we didn’t know what was going on but admitted that we had strong feelings for each other. We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity.
Did you tell him you were a virgin?
Yes. I told him I wanted him to be the first person I made love to. We talked about how it could be awkward if it didn’t end up working out. He also said that if I didn’t feel comfortable at any point I should tell him.
What was it like?
There’s a reason I lost my virginity to him — because I’d never felt comfortable with any other man. It was insanely sensual. It lasted for about an hour and there was a lot of foreplay. We both had orgasms. We are so similar so it’s so easy to sexually please each other. For example, we both hate neck-biting. I’ve never been in a more passionate, loving, fulfilling situation.
The woman goes on to describe moving in with her father and his ex-partner (who is now their roommate), and how she must hide the relationship from her mother, who she says has not yet picked up on the fact that she and her dad are dating. As sensational as the whole interview might seem (and, admittedly, as it is), it actually forces one to do some rigorous double-checking of one's own beliefs. What the woman has to say about having children with her father, for instance, certainly forced me to consider my response carefully, given my own advocacy of reproductive freedom:
Do you worry about the potential genetic problems associated with having kids with your biological father?
Nope. I wouldn’t risk having a kid if I thought it would be harmful. I’ve done my research. Everybody thinks that kids born in incestuous relationships will definitely have genetic problems, but that’s not true. That happens when there’s years of inbreeding, like with the royal family. Incest has been around as long as humans have. Everybody just needs to deal with it as long as nobody is getting hurt or getting pressured or forced.
There are so many people having kids who will be passing on health problems, people with diabetes or mental health issues, or AIDS. My mom was allowed to have kids and both her and her mom were bipolar. My research tells me that the only real genetic risk is high blood pressure, which is controllable. I think people only worry about it because they look to the genetic problems that occurred when incest was happening generation upon generation. They say, Well, look at King Henry VIII — but he was only a genetic mutant because they had kept it in the family for so long.
Do you think you have something special that other couples don’t?
I think we have a better relationship than any couple I’ve met because our bond is so strong. I just feel so close to him and so in love with him. We are almost two years into the relationship and I’m still head over heels with that “first few weeks in love” feeling. Everybody says we are the cutest couple they’ve ever seen. I took him to prom.
The entire interview is very, very much worth reading. It's uncomfortable -- but it'll make you consider just why that is.
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"My breasts stopped growing when my grandfather touched them," confides 'Elisa', a young woman who recounts the traumatic incest and sexual abuse she experienced in childhood. InFamily Secrets, Gloria González-López tells the life stories of 60 men and women in Mexico who, like Elisa, saw their lives irrevocably changed in the wake of childhood and adolescent incest. In Mexico, a patriarchal, religious society where women are expected to make themselves sexually available to men and where same-sex experiences for both men and women bring great shame, incest is easily hidden, seldom discussed, and rarely reported to authorities. Through gripping, emotional narrative, González-López brings the deeply troubling, hidden, and unspoken issues of incest and sexual violence in Mexican families to light.
González-López contends that family and cultural structures in Mexican life enable incest and the culture of silence that surrounds it. She examines the strong bonds of familial obligation between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and elders and youth that, in the case of incest, can morph into sexual obligation; the codes of honor and shame reinforced by tradition and the Church, discouraging openness about sexual violence and trauma; the double standards of morality and stereotypes about sexuality that leave girls and women and gender nonconforming boys and men especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. Together, these cultural factors create a perfect storm for generations upon generations of unspoken incest, a cycle that takes great courage and strength to heal from and overcome. A riveting account,Family Secretsturns a feminist and sociological lens on a disturbing trend that has gone unnoticed for far too long.
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1 En familia: Sex, Incest, and Violence in Mexican Families
1 En familia: Sex, Incest, and Violence in Mexican Families
“My breasts stopped growing when my grandfather touched them,” Elisa revealed in explaining her petite body, which has the appearance of a slender, flat-chested adolescent. Tearfully she described the sandpaper sensation of her maternal grandfather’s hands on her tender skin, an aging man who in his eighties fondled her breasts from age seven to eleven. Back then Elisa’s father’s behavior was also confusing to her. After his night shift as a cab driver in Ciudad Juárez, Elisa and her mom would patiently listen over lunch as her father shared the horror stories and dangers he experienced at work and how...
2 Conjugal Daughters and Marital Servants: The Sexual Functions of Daughters in Incestuous Families
2 Conjugal Daughters and Marital Servants: The Sexual Functions of Daughters in Incestuous Families
“So I just want to know, if you are no longer married and you are not having sex with anyone, and you had surgery and cannot be pregnant, why don’t you and I have sexual relations?” Steaming with rage, Úrsula paraphrased her father’s words as she recalled this Christmas Eve kitchen conversation. Úrsula was thirty-one years old and she had recently told her parents about her separation from her husband. Shocked and dumbfounded, she confronted her father about his offensive proposal, reproached him about his abuse from the past, and suggested that he look for a lover. Úrsula was in...
3 A la prima se le arrima: Sisters and Primas
3 A la prima se le arrima: Sisters and Primas
“‘Voy a cogerte(‘I am going to grab you,’ and ‘I am going to fuck you’),’ whatever word they used. But right away, my brothers got on top of me. My mother could not leave [home] because it would happen, immediately! In other words, it was one of them first, and very quickly the next one would come in, just like that,” said Maclovia, a woman in her early thirties, born and raised in a small pueblo in Central Mexico. Now a wife and mother living in Monterrey, Maclovia was six years old when her oldest brothers, seventeen and sixteen...
“He locked the door the first time,” said forty-year-old Bárbara from Guadalajara. She clearly remembers being eight the first time she found herself in the bedroom of her mother’s brother. He removed her underwear, gave her oral sex, and touched her body and genitals while threatening her to “shut up and not to say anything.” These episodes began as she cleaned, swept, and mopped her uncle’s room, and made his bed, on her mother’s orders. Bárbara’s uncle was in his forties, and worked as a taxi driver.
Fear of her mother’s reaction was a powerful reason to be silent about...
When Leonardo, Matías, and Pablo repeated more than once that the male relative who had sexually assaulted, raped, or molested them when they were boys was a gay man, I felt confronted and haunted by ethical concerns and dilemmas. My head started to spin. Should I include that in the book or not? How could this further reinforce homophobic discourses that identify gay men as pedophiles and child molesters? Could that be potentially used against LGBTQ communities in Mexico, and potentially in U.S. Latino communities? Would this be cited out of context? If so, by whom, how, and when? I...
6 Toward a Feminist Sociology of Incest in Mexico
6 Toward a Feminist Sociology of Incest in Mexico
“Mexicanos, al grito de guerra.” I can recall vividly the first words ofel Himno Nacional Mexicano, the Mexican National Anthem I was taught to sing with so much fervor as a student at theEscuelaPresidente Adolfo López Mateos, a public elementary school at the colonia Independencia in Monterrey. “Mexicans, at the cry of war” is not only the translation of the words announcing an anthem that glorifies war, but also the state of fear now surrounding the lives of the residents of the working-class colonia I learned to love and respect as a child. More than four decades...
APPENDIX B. Methodological Considerations
APPENDIX B. Methodological Considerations
APPENDIX C. Incest in 32 Mexican State Penal Codes
APPENDIX C. Incest in 32 Mexican State Penal Codes
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Incest Story 15
