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Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.
Thank you for your cooperation.
The Mod Team
by AdultMaleSurvivor » Sat May 04, 2013 5:00 pm
My mom insisted on bathing me until I was 9 or 10. Her mom would insist on cleansing the skin around my penis. I think this was when I started hating her. My mom has serious mental and emotional attachments issues. I still hate bathing as a grown adult. She still asks me how I'm doing it to see if I'm doing it correctly (I'm 27!) and puts it in my face that she allows her mom to still bathe her when she needs it!
I moved out and am haunted by...her. Many many MANY people on this forum express a sexual attraction to their abusers are to the abuse itself. I'm working through this piece by piece. I used to masturbate while thinking of sucking my mother's nipples. I confronted the fantasy and asked myself why I was having it. This opened my up to a world of self-reflection and inner healing. So it's a time-consuming process is what I'm saying.
That said, I still "enjoy" jacking off while imagining my penis right in between her breasts. She is well-endowed and so is her mom which is the only reason I believe my father married her. So, the point is, I don't enjoy it though I'm aroused by it. I question the fantasy itself and sometimes just force myself to ejaculate to it to see what happens. I have found some freedom in this "masturbation therapy." I heard of a girl who would jack off to fantasies of her brother whenever the gross feelings came upon her and she mentioned being able to finally function immediately after the self-induced orgasm. I took it a step further and asked why I was/am attracted to having sex with my mom's breasts?
These memories of her bathing me throughout my (older) childhood came back and I was able to deal with (some of) it. I feel like I'm a million miles away from where I wanna be and a million miles away from where I used to be...if that makes sense. Enough people have come on this forum describing their sexual attraction toward their abusers or the abuse "style." I believe it is a form of coping our brains use to "reach out" to us so that we can progressively deal with memory loss and emotional healing from our pasts.
Instead of calling myself a sicko, I'm like, okay, WHY am I attracted to that fantasy? The process is time-consuming, and emotionally taxing, but like I said, I'm a million miles from where I've been. I thought about entitling this "Masturbation Therapy" but thought against it.
Why is it that large breasted women are always trying to kill me?
That's really hard work you're doing there. Well, not the masturbating But the introspection and self-honesty that you're bringing to the fantasies involved. Powerful.
“We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.”
Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
by AdultMaleSurvivor » Mon May 06, 2013 8:45 pm
Thank you Ada. I still feel so lost though, don't get any wrong ideas. I thought phone sex was the answer for the longest time but I ...just thought about my mom. I don't even like hugging her because her well-endowed breasts..touch me.
I've tried sharing parts of this before...I just am overwhelmed. I know some people come on here just to get turned on. Some of them are abused and I just wanted to let you know that I'm with you. This is NOT to advocate abuse but to highlight the negative affects it has had on all of us.
And, Ada...that really "hard work" you mentioned LOL....you cannot possibly imagine. I dated a girl (fiancé) who was really into witchcraft. she would give me a blowjob as part of some spell. (I don't know where I find these people!) Anyways, I was really REALLY into her breasts. They were large and...reminded me of my mother. She (my ex) made me suck her nipples..I have repressed memories from that relationship (AS AN ADULT!).
So yes, Ada, I have been very “hard at work” if you know what I mean
Why is it that large breasted women are always trying to kill me?
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Jump to:
Select a forum
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Members Corner
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General Topics
Living With Mental Illness Forum
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Adjustment Disorder
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Anti-Psych Forum
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Family
Friends
Pets
Hope
Relationship Forum
Sexuality Forum
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Remorse
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Off topic
Just For Fun
Poetry Corner
Surveys & Studies
Kinds of Abuse
Bullying Forum
Stalking and Harassment
Child Abuse Forum
Domestic Violence
Physical
Verbal & Emotional
Elder Abuse
Cult Abuse
Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum
Rape and Sexual Assault
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Forum
Acute Stress Disorder
Rape Trauma
Combat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Anxiety Disorders
Agoraphobia Forum
Specific Phobias
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum
Social Phobia Forum
Separation Anxiety Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder Forum
Panic Disorder
Anxiety Disorder NOS
Developmental Disorders
Tourette's Syndrome Forum
Mixed-Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder
Disruptive Behavior NOS
Childhood Disintegrative Disorder
Autism Forum
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Forum
Rett's Disorder
Mental Retardation
Asperger's Syndrome Forum
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Forum
Stuttering Forum
Dyslexia Forum
Learning Disorders
Selective Mutism Forum
Reactive Attachment Disorder Forum
Conduct Disorder Forum
Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS
Childhood Disorder NOS Forum
Cognitive Disorders
Alzheimer's Disease Forum
Parkinson's Disease
Amnestic Disorder
Dementia Forum
Huntington's Disease
Delirium Forum
Cognitive Disorder NOS Forum
Dissociative Disorders
Depersonalization Disorder Forum
Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum
Dissociative Fugue Forum
Dissociative Disorder NOS Forum
Dissociative Amnesia Forum
Eating Disorders
Anorexia Nervosa Forum
Bulimia Nervosa Forum
Binge Eating Disorder Forum
Childhood Eating Disorders
Factitious Disorders
Munchausen Syndrome Forum
Munchausen by Proxy
Factitious Disorder Forum
Malingering
Impulse-Control Disorders
Shoplifting Addiction
Kleptomania
Trichotillomania Forum
Impulse-Control Disorder NOS
Intermittent Explosive Disorder Forum
Pyromania
Compulsive Lying Forum
Mood Disorders
Bipolar Disorder Forum
Cyclothymia
Seasonal Affective Disorder Forum
Clinical Depression Forum
Depressive Disorder NOS
Dysthymia
Cancer & Depression
Postpartum Depression Forum
Personality Disorders
Antisocial Personality Disorder Forum
Borderline Personality Disorder Forum
Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum
Paranoid Personality Disorder Forum
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum
Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum
Dependent Personality Disorder
Personality Disorder NOS
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
Schizoid Personality Disorder Forum
Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Psychotic Disorders
Delusional Disorder Forum
Brief Psychotic Disorder
Shared Psychotic Disorder
Schizophrenia Forum
Schizoaffective Disorder
Sexual Disorders
Sexual Addiction Forum
Gender Identity Disorder Forum
Trans Gender
Sexual Dysfunctions Forum
Erectile Dysfunction
Paraphilias Forum
Fetishes
BDSM
Sexual Disorder NOS Forum
Sleep Disorders
Insomnia Forum
Hypersomnia
Breathing-Related Sleep Disorder
Nightmare Disorder Forum
Sleepwalking Disorder
Sleep Terror Disorder
Primary Sleep Disorders Forum
Narcolepsy
Dyssomnia NOS
Parasomnia NOS
Somatoform Disorders
Undifferentiated Somatoform Disorder Forum
Somatoform Disorder NOS Forum
Somatization Disorder Forum
Pain Disorder Forum
Hypochondriasis Forum
Conversion Disorder Forum
Body Dysmorphic Disorder Forum
Addictions
Spending Addiction Forum
Gambling Addiction Forum
Substance Abuse Disorders Forum
Drug Addiction
Alcohol Addiction
Smoking Addiction
Internet Addiction Forum
Food Addiction Forum
Therapy & Coping
Self Help Books
Anxiety
Mood Disorders
Trauma
Online Journals
Medication
Anti-Anxiety
Anti-Depressants
Anti-Psychotics
Therapy
Counseling
Group Therapy
Psychiatry
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Exposure Therapy
Light Therapy
Psychotherapy
Coping Methods & Techniques
Positive Self-Talk
Positive Affirmations
Breathing Techniques
General Health
Womens Health
Pregnancy
Weight Loss
Sexual Health
Mens Health
Weight Loss
Sexual Health
Physical Health
Exercise
Well-Being
Specific Diseases
Arthritis
Diabetes
Rare Diseases
Parenting Forum
School Aged Children
The Stress Of Parenting
Focus Support
Womens Focus Support
Young women Support
Senior women Support
Mens Focus Support
Young men support
Senior men support
Health Resources
Educational Videos
Mental Health Articles
Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.
Thank you for your cooperation.
The Mod Team
by AdultMaleSurvivor » Sat May 04, 2013 5:00 pm
My mom insisted on bathing me until I was 9 or 10. Her mom would insist on cleansing the skin around my penis. I think this was when I started hating her. My mom has serious mental and emotional attachments issues. I still hate bathing as a grown adult. She still asks me how I'm doing it to see if I'm doing it correctly (I'm 27!) and puts it in my face that she allows her mom to still bathe her when she needs it!
I moved out and am haunted by...her. Many many MANY people on this forum express a sexual attraction to their abusers are to the abuse itself. I'm working through this piece by piece. I used to masturbate while thinking of sucking my mother's nipples. I confronted the fantasy and asked myself why I was having it. This opened my up to a world of self-reflection and inner healing. So it's a time-consuming process is what I'm saying.
That said, I still "enjoy" jacking off while imagining my penis right in between her breasts. She is well-endowed and so is her mom which is the only reason I believe my father married her. So, the point is, I don't enjoy it though I'm aroused by it. I question the fantasy itself and sometimes just force myself to ejaculate to it to see what happens. I have found some freedom in this "masturbation therapy." I heard of a girl who would jack off to fantasies of her brother whenever the gross feelings came upon her and she mentioned being able to finally function immediately after the self-induced orgasm. I took it a step further and asked why I was/am attracted to having sex with my mom's breasts?
These memories of her bathing me throughout my (older) childhood came back and I was able to deal with (some of) it. I feel like I'm a million miles away from where I wanna be and a million miles away from where I used to be...if that makes sense. Enough people have come on this forum describing their sexual attraction toward their abusers or the abuse "style." I believe it is a form of coping our brains use to "reach out" to us so that we can progressively deal with memory loss and emotional healing from our pasts.
Instead of calling myself a sicko, I'm like, okay, WHY am I attracted to that fantasy? The process is time-consuming, and emotionally taxing, but like I said, I'm a million miles from where I've been. I thought about entitling this "Masturbation Therapy" but thought against it.
Why is it that large breasted women are always trying to kill me?
That's really hard work you're doing there. Well, not t
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