Future Is Female Led Relations

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Lana is a professional dating coach. She helps confident and successful women meet confident and successful men. You can click here to learn more about her and here to learn more about available coaching packages.
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A female led relationship (or FLR for short) means that you get to be in charge.
It’s when the traditional gender roles in a relationship are switched. The woman makes the decisions to move the relationship forward and the man plays a submissive role.
A female led relationship won’t work for everyone, but when it does work, it can be a fulfilling and loving partnership.
Keep scrolling to learn how they work and how to get one for yourself.
When you’re in an FLR relationship, the gender roles will be swapped. You can either be in a moderately female-led relationship or an extreme one. The different levels are completely up to each couple. Here is a list of things that would take place in order for the FLR to be extreme:
The above example shows an extreme breakdown of a female led relationship, but all relationships are different so you don’t have to take it this far if you don’t want to.
It is also common for a relationship to start out a little more traditional and then move into a female-led relationship as the couple figures out that they want to go in that direction.
It should also be noted that an FLR relationship doesn’t need to transition into the bedroom. There are no “official rules” so if you prefer to be the dominant one in the relationship, but not in the bedroom, this is also fine.
Just like with any kind of relationship, an FLR has it’s pros and cons. We will take a look now at what it’s like to be in one. First, we’ll take a look at the benefits.
The best part about being in a female led relationship during the dating phase is that you are the one that calls the shots. You can choose when and where the next date will be. Or decide when you’ll be “official”. You decide when to move in together.
It will be such a breath of fresh air not to always be wondering or worse, waiting!
This is excellent for successful, confident and Type A women because these kinds of women are used to calling the shots.
If you have worked your way up to financial success, you know what it takes to be the one to make the decisions. This doesn’t (or shouldn’t) change when you’re in a relationship.
A man who is happily in a female led relationship wants to take the back seat so that the woman can reach her goals.
Did you get a big job promotion in another city? That means he’s moving with you to a new location.
Do you want to hold off having kids so you can travel around the world? He’ll have to wait to start the family.
One of the most difficult things for strong successful women to handle in relationships is that (traditionally) they aren’t allowed to take the lead. You are good at making plans and decisions. You don’t want to wait around for a man to get his act together.
In an FLR relationship, you don’t have to wait for anyone.
If you have a man who wants you to plan things for him and wants you to call the shots, your strengths are allowed to flourish in the relationship instead of being pushed down.
Men in an FLR can be open about their feelings and emotions. If he is not afraid of looking “weak” and sharing his fears and insecurities, he will have better mental health. This will surely make him a more emotionally stable partner.
Now, let’s look at some downsides that can happen in an FLR:
This kind of relationship is not the norm and many men will not be willing to partake in something like this. As a dating coach, I am very familiar with the fact that dating is a numbers game. Whenever you make a decision that reduces the number of available options for you, the dating process can take much longer.
Just because you have an easy-going man in your life, doesn’t mean that he never gets to have a say. Healthy relationships work best when there is equality and both people have an opinion. If you have a man who likes to compromise and enjoys supporting you, that’s awesome but you don’t want to abuse that. He gets to have a say no matter what kind of “label’ you put on your relationship.
If you start out with a relationship like this and then in your mid 30’s realize that you rather be at home taking care of the kids, that idea might not fly. A man who is interested in a relationship like this is signing up for something very specific so you have to be sure that you are going to stick to the agreement.
Just like you wouldn’t want him to change the deal, you can’t do that to him.
Yes, of course! Women have come a long way since the days where we couldn’t sign up for our own credit cards.
Most women today are successful, confident, and well educated. You’re likely in this boat and you can easily transition from taking control of your own life to taking control of your relationship.
As long as you find a man that is happy to take part in whatever arrangement you have decided on, it will work out. That doesn’t mean you won’t need to pay attention to a few different factors, however. Let’s go into detail.
All relationships require good communication to flourish, but in an FLR this can be even more important. If you want your FLR to be extreme, you’re going to have to talk things out so that both of you know where the boundaries are.
Like I said before, just because you are taking the more traditional “leader” role in the relationship, doesn’t mean that compromise is out the window.
It can’t always be your way or the highway.
Communication about roles and boundaries are essential. Here are a few examples of topics that should be discussed:
If this seems like a lot of things to discuss, it isn’t. Couples who are in a traditional relationship also have to discuss these topics. It’s just that in a traditional relationship, things can more easily be assumed but this can lead to fights or arguments, even in a traditional relationship.
Use the fact that your relationship is not traditional to ensure that you are communicating with each other. This ensures that you start on a stronger foundation than a traditional relationship would.
With my extensive experience in the dating industry, I have spoken to a lot of alpha men (who were wealthy and successful) and they are not usually attracted to this kind of relationship. If you want to be the dominant one, this means you bring the masculine energy and your partner will likely have to bring the “feminine” energy.
This would make him more easy-going, willing to give and willing to put your needs first, also known as a beta male.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a beta male, and in fact they often make extremely loving and supportive partners.
Alpha males who are the traditional “confident and successful” type, usually come with the baggage of high-stress, narcissistic, workaholics, anger management issues or opinionated.
Finding a beta male doesn’t have to be a requirement, however. Here is an interesting point from Medium about alpha males in FLRs.
In many ways, the relationship paradigm termed “Female Led Relationship” (FLR) has been around for centuries. Matriarchal societies have historical basis and the Fertility/Goddess energy has been worshiped throughout time.
One reason it works is that male energy thrives on striving.
Earning reward is natural to the male psyche and when targeted to erotic sexual reward — the FLR dynamic may liberate vital aspects of the male energy which range from a submissive state, to the primal sexual Beast nature and finally to the tempered, superior Apha Warrior Man, a Divine Masculine perfected.
As you can see, the alpha male can be motivated by striving to achieve a goal.
If his goal is to please his woman, he can devote his life to doing this without sacrificing traditionally alpha male qualities. Qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, and potentially even the drive to achieve financial success.
Many of the confident and successful women that I coach have worked their way up to success and want a confident and successful man as a partner.
If you want to be the leader in the relationship, you will likely not get that confident and successful man. The typical alpha man will struggle with this relationship. I mentioned above that an alpha male might be ok with this, but I would say this is a severe exception to the rule.
You’ll have to be ok with him being beta which comes with downsides such as:
If those things don’t bother you, then you’ll do very well in an FLR and can begin attracting the right type of man for this which I will discuss below.
PS. If you feel like you are a confident and successful woman who does want a confident and successful man, this will require a completely different approach. Learn more with my free checklist: How To Attract Higher-Quality Men.
The best way to save you time in dating is to make sure that your profile is perfectly crafted to attract thte person that is going to suit your lifestyle. The way that you do this if you want to be in a female led relationship is highlight your dominant qualities. This means specifically mentioning things like:
Remember that you don’t ever want to come across as negative or complaining. But simply outlining the type of relationship that you’re looking for will help you attract men that are interested in this. This will save you a lot of time.
PS. If you need help with any of this, be sure to check out my coaching packages.
Showing dominance in the bedroom is not a requirement for an FLR but it can really seal the deal if both of you are interested in this. If you play a very dominant role while the two of you are in the bedroom, the dynamic will definitely carry over to all aspects of the relationship.
As a dating coach, most of my clients are looking for the strong alpha male so I help my clients channel their feminine qualities so that they can be more attractive to this kind of man.
If you are looking for an FLR, then you’ll want to do the opposite. You’ll want to channel your masculine energy. Here is a list of traditionally masculine qualities that you’ll want to bring to the forefront:
If you can channel these aspects of your personality then you will attract the kind of man that is happy to be in this kind of relationship.
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21 thoughts on “Female Led Relationship – How It Works and How To Get One”
Love the idea of flr now I just need the female
I like to be seduced… i wish more woman would do it
In some ways, it just makes sense. It’s pretty common in relationships to have one partner who wants to be the final word on big decisions. If both parties agree in advance that this is going to be the wife or girlfriend, there’s going to be a lot less conflict and a lot less second guessing. In our case, pretending to be equal partners wouldn’t have made any difference in how any of the decisions would have come out, and there would have been a lot more confusion and hurt feelings. FLR makes things a lot clearer, and it’s been great for Sarah’s happiness and confidence. And it makes things easy for me – just love and obey.
I think it’s a good choice for me. thank you so much for your information to clear FLR for me.
This is a nice article. I am a high energy guy and I am perceived as an alpha male at work but when it comes to relationship, I prefer my girlfriend to have the central role. When I was younger, I felt ashamed of that. I had many relationships that didn’t work for that reason.
it’s a good thing women feel more and more confortable with different power structure in a relatonship.
I always felt deep in my heart that Women will always make great leaders in everyday life. I would love to find my FLR partner one day to cherish, love and honor her Dominant role.
I have been in one for many years. IMHO the natural order of creation is for men to defer to women in their relationships and society at large. I feel the world would be a much better place if that were the case.
I have been the Alpha Male in a beautiful marriage for 30 years, I am 54 and wife is 51. I have recently become very excited and drawn to FLR. I have never been so drawn to anything in my life. I truly found my true calling and want nothing more than to serve and worship her. But my Wife is submissive by nature. She is willing to switch roles but lacks the confidence and knowledge how to switch over. I am afraid after 30 years this may be to much to overcome and for that I am very sad on the outlook on this progressing where I would like to see it go. Any info or books you can suggest that could help her we would love to receive an email from you with any helpful tips.
Thank you,
T
Hi Todd, she could benefit from my coaching sessions. Visit millennialships.com/coaching to apply.
I am the male in a male led relationship but have a Valentine’s question for the females in a female led relationship.
In my MLR since I am the leader I get my female the major presents on Valentine’s Day. This includes Flowers and very nice jewelry and a set of gormet chocolates. I got a small game (it was something I wanted though). I also handle ALL the arrangements for a romantic night out including paying for it. Female leaders in FLRs do you do something similar for your male? I am curious because my son and his girlfriend are contemplating a FLR. I want him to have all the facts.
I bought my partner a 500$ gaming chair, a teddy bear, a box of his favorite snacks, a card, and several other small sentimental gifts. I also planned dinner for us. He did buy me several gifts, but I do the majority of our planning with input from him. Tell your son the biggest key is definitely communication.
How does a man respectfully tell his woman he is not at all interested in FLRs without destroying her? I am in that situation. I want to keep the relationship as long as is isn’t a FLR. I can not see myself in a relationship where I have less than an equal say in the bedroom and could potentially lead to forced chastity cage. Also I did not see where my needs and happiness would be cared for (a priority). I do not buy into the “Hero Instinct” in that it seems quite phoney.
How would finances work when both are much older and have significant assets (retirement savings)? All I’ve seen is that the woman controls the finances. I can not get over this hurdle because I (the male) need to control my assets going into the relationship. Another issue I have is that I have sexual health issues that would in many cases not allow me to do all the bedroom requirements (I could not do the chastity cage, etc). It does not look like these are taken into consideration. Plus to top it all off I have high anxiety whenever my housework is judged. I would just act unpredictability. And that would prohibit me from taking on chores that are judged and stay sane.
I dispute when described as Alpha Female. But I am going to make my own decisions – that’s a non-negotiable in my relationships. I trust me. It’s as natural to me as breathing.
But control also means I am nurturing and protective in relationships. I am responsible for the choices I make and how happy they make both of us.
But the one piece of advice I will always give (mental health peer counselor in my other life) is that, ultimately, you are happiest being yourself. You can’t force it, you can’t be something you aren’t, just to try make someone else happy.
Why do many FLR websites tell the man that he has to hand over all his assets (savings, house, retirement) and paychecks over to the woman? It seems too risky for an older male who needs these assets to live in retirement.
Hmm i’m not sure but I’ve never suggested this. Thanks for your comment Paul!
I would like to be in an FLR, my wife has previously taken the dominant role but she was really just playing at it. I would love it if she did it for real, is it possible?
I’m very interested in this article about FLR.
I am interested in this lifestyle for my marriage. My wife is very much in control in my marriage and I love it however I have a need to cuckolded for many years. It’s one of the first things I mentioned whilst we were dating.
Any tips on what a beta guy can do to attract an alpha female?
Thank you for this lovely and well thought out article. 23+ yrs of marriage, me “wearing a mask” didn’t work. She wouldn’t take control & my submissivness became an unquenchable craving. I own it. A very strong Woman runs our life. I’m thrilled, she is as well and little to no conflict – as you aptly said, we agreed up front she makes the decisions & the rules. We’re both thriving. I am very grateful for her and how she loves me. Submission in my case is bliss.
I am an alpha male who could thrive in a FLR. I am secure, introspective, professionally successful – I make decisions easily but can also turn that over to someone else. I think it would be exciting to be in a relationship that was 60-40 or even 70-30 female-led and would have no esteem issues about that. In the bedroom I crave an FLR as I have been in charge most of my life and want to give that up. This is a great article and I got on here because I answered an ad for an FLR and am waiting for us to meet and begin the adventure.
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Lana is a professional dating coach. She helps confident and successful women meet confident and successful men. Learn more about how to attract higher-quality men here. 
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Home Lifestyle Love & Relationships How to Master a Female Led Relationship?
We are raised with the notion that men, being all pragmatic and powerful, are responsible for providing for the family. Whereas, the women – feeble and sensitive, cooks, cleans, takes care of the children, and manages household chores. However, more women are stepping out of these society-defined cliched roles. The dynamics of a man and woman relationship are beginning to change too. One of the finest examples of this unconventional change is female led relationships.
At this point, most of you must be wondering what is a female-led relationship, also known as FLR? Or, even worse – is it even possible for men and women to switch roles, and let each other swap responsibilities without any power struggles?
Let us delve deeper into the intricacies of such a progressive kind of relationship. 
In short, a female-led relationship is the one where the woman takes the lead and is responsibl
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