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Its here folks!! How to Win the National Book Award for Dummies! Denis Johnson has pulled heavily from this publication for his novel Tree of Smoke. Lets highlight the recommendations he used to win the Book Award for fiction.#3. Explore a topic of great controversy for the country and its people.Johnson: the Vietnam War.#6. Story must be sweeping, at least 500 pages.Johnson: 614.#7. Include at least 5 main characters with individual story threads.Johnson: 8.7.a. Threads should intertwine but not entirely.Johnson: Check.7.b. A few threads should be independent entirely.Johnson: 6.7.c. Some characters should be related.Johnson: Father and son.7.d. Characters should be male and female.Johnson: One female.7.f. One character should suffer a breakdown.Johnson: Yep, a crazy one who thinks himself a pagan god.7.j. One character should be hung.Johnson: Check.7.k. Character can be foreign.Johnson: One.#8. Story should span several years.Johnson: Takes place from 1963-1983.#11. Use realistic, pejorative language--with plenty of slang and local color and colloquialisms.Johnson: Military jargon.#12. Some characters should fall in love (and the other character shouldnt find out until years later by receiving letters from death row in Malaysia, but five years after being hung at the gallows, being caught for running guns).Johnson: Followed to a T.#17. If appropriate to story, use substantial violence.Johnson: Check.#19. Include scenes of sexual relations.Johnson: Check.#20. Some characters must die.Johnson: Check, check, check.#23. Include many breaks within your chapters; pace yourself.Johnson: At least 20 breaks in all Chapters.#33. Chapters should remain untitled, or labelled with minimal reference to story.Johnson: Chapters labelled by dates only.#34. Story should include a written letter.Johnson: 15+.Advanced Techniques#37. Story can be crazy, twisted, and leave the reader feeling like they smoked a water bong.Johnson: Used to great extent.#44. Story can actually make no sense at all, as long as it seems like its going somewhere.Johnson: Check.44.b. As a cover for the story going nowhere, and if its a story about the Vietnam War, you can use as subject matter a thread about Psychological Operations--that way the story can be written as an outgrowth of the zany and clandestine techniques used by the PsyOps soldiers.Johnson: Right on.44.e. The book could be written so that the reader can remove any 5 pages at random and reinsert them at a different place in the book, and it would make absolutely no difference to the story overall. (Remember, this is an advanced technique)Johnson: Really, you can do that? Ill overexert myself with this one.#46. Some of the characters can be unlikeable.Johnson: All of them#49. Reader should be able to get all the way to page 595, then take a week break and throw up a little in his mouth to read the last 19 pages. This technique provides angst, uncertainty, and a palpable sense of dread in the reader.Johnson: Okay.Super Advanced Techniques#55. Bewilder the critics with writing that seems novel, insightful, ageless, and emotive, when in reality the writing is:55.a. Boring.55.b. Uninspired.55.c. Overworked.55.d. Unaffective.55.e. Especially disorganized, discordant, and disagreeable.Johnson: Agree with all.FOR ME, this was a waste of 614 pages worth of reading time that I could have spent more favorably on a 2- or even 3-star book. Halfway through the book, I couldnt distinguish between several of the characters. This book was a battle of wills, not a battle of wits--who can outlast the other, reader vs writer. Its an extremely forgetful book. Look at the numbers on Goodreads. Out of 3.5 million members only 2100 people have read it. This is what happens when critics--and their oversized need to be first to herald a novel--read books instead of you or me. Im done with this review. Im at a loss.....just dont read it.
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