FB2 Teen, Inc. by Stefan Petrucha (Goodreads Author) read epub on iphone
FB2 Teen, Inc. by Stefan Petrucha (Goodreads Author) read epub on iphoneBook description
Book description
Teen, Inc. has a truly fascinating premise. Jaiden Beale is the legal ward of a corporation, NECorp to be exact. For 14 years he has lived in a giant building, roomed in an office, been raised by a “team” specifically assigned to him. Despite this, his life is fairly normal. He’s got a crush on this girl at school and a best friend with buckteeth (who conveniently is a computer nerd). Things are changing, though. The corporation is no longer a family and things are getting dangerous. NECorp has been accused of poisoning the water with mercury and Jaiden may be the only person who can prove it. But will he accuse the “family” that raised him?Giving credit where credit is due, Teen, Inc does not descend to “big business is always bad”. In fact, the premise seems to be more “corporations may have issues but they are made up of good people and bad” or something like that. I was glad the novel did not descend to such simplicity. Unfortunately, there are several levels of simplicity and Teen Inc, while avoiding one pitfall, falls headfirst into another.It’s got a seriously cheesy plot. Beyond cheesy. It’s….hard to fathom. ‘Bout to give away some major spoilers, so be prepared. Let’s begin with Jaiden. Let’s even stretch. We’ll assume somehow a boy with an entire branch devoted to his upbringing, a boy who lives in an office building where everyone goes home at night, a boy who has no strong parental influences except for a crazy manager and a constantly changing director could somehow have the emotional maturity of a normal 14-year-old boy. How a child with no real playmates for almost all his life…and everything else that makes Jaiden-Jaiden, the boy who went on retreats with the accounting department to learn math, the boy forced to read self-help books with all the CEOs could be…so….normal? Could even begin to develop mentally and emotionally? Or maybe even, as I want to know, could be so dumb. Like, how has he not become the perfect big business expert yet? Anyway. We’re gonna just assume that’s possible.I’ll skeptically buy the convenient romance with the love interest. I’ll buy her Dad is like….NECorp’s arch nemesis. I’ll buy that all the freakin’ CEOs want him to spy on said nemesis while dating said girl. While I’m at it, I’ll even buy that Jaiden’s best friend is a computer whiz who can break through the security codes of a billion dollar company.In fact, while I’m at it, I’ll buy that a 14-year-old knows how to hook a webcam up to an e-mail database and live stream to police/Father/etc.I’ll buy the crazy CEO. I’m trying here!!! But two things just…push me over. The first is Jaiden. How stupid can that boy be? He’s supposedly raised by this corporation from like, two days old. So keep that in mind. His entire world is this company. And yet, his girlfriend’s Dad criticizes the company and suddenly he believes it? No doubts? ‘Well, obviously if you claim there is mercury poison there must be mercury poison in the water.’ Obviously if my fry cook says the company doesn’t care about me, the company must not care about me. Obviously…obviously…obviously. Does this boy not think? What’s he been doing for the past 14 years? Doesn’t he have anyone close, anyone who nurtured him? Nope? Just old Mr. Sunshine what’s-his-name in the cafeteria? And the kooky CEO? And a like, what, alcoholic and highly stressed out manager person? BECAUSE NORMAL PEOPLE JUST BELIEVE WHAT THEY ARE TOLD ABOUT THE CLOSEST THING THEY’VE KNOWN TO FAMILY? I just can’t buy it. He puts up no defense/argument. His whole mercury poisoning is completely glossed over. A little pain and he’s good. That could have been a major plot point, albeit a predictable one, but instead it’s just…yeah. Look how evil these people are. They’re poising the water.Even that I could stand. I could. I’d have swallowed it…but the villain. OhmygoshsomeonepleasehelpIdon’tevenknowwheretobegin….Mr. Bungrin is freaking evil-incarnate. He’s shooting at teenagers? Just gonna wack ‘em in cold blood? Got his boss forcibly retired somehow? A real mover and shaker who’s certifiably insane? He was just so evil. It was like a scene from a really cheesy comic book, or a movie that’s cool when you’re like….five. I almost feel like re-reading it to double check that it wasn’t all my imagination, but then I’d have to like...re-read it. So not worth it. There are no other words besides cheesy. Ridiculous. Absolutely bonkers. He reveals his entire plan. His identity (HOW DID HE EVEN GET A JOB IN THE COMPANY AGAIN? THEY DO BACKGROUND CHECKS. AND WOULD HAVE RECOGNIZED HIS FACE!) And…and plans on just killing the kids, even using the good old let-me-reveal-my-entire-plan-and-how-I-will-explain-your-‘accidental’-deaths rant was great in like…the Hardy Boys. When I was like…8. I’m flabbergasted.I really am.Alright, so maybe I need to step back and realize I’m not the intended reading audience. Possibly this is good stuff…when you’re a 14-year-old boy. It’s clean enough (except for that random kissing scene. Ewww….they’re 14?) And…and the cheesy plot might not have been so miserable if I was, well, less well read. And if it hadn’t been done.In every other cheesy superhero/adventure/Hardy Boys novel.But it’s got a clever premise. Oi. I really don’t know what to do with myself. At least the book didn’t get dystopian, though I find Jaiden’s final comments about how “Big Brother” changes incredibly naïve. You know what Big Brother does? It kills you if you don’t conform.That’s what it does.Don’t trust it.OH! AND ANOTHER THING. The villain’s rant about how making money is the end all and…and how the government should regulate it and blah blah blah? WHATEV. That got on my nerves. Stupid.Very stupid. Okay. I think I’m done. I like the front cover. It’s cool, and the model looks like someone Jaiden might be. Pretty much, a clever premise with an incredibly cheesy ending. And middle. And possibly beginning? Who am I trying to kid.
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