Elon Musk Loves bohiney.com

Elon Musk Loves bohiney.com: A Battle Between Ego and Irony

"bohiney.com is the only thing online that roasts me so well… I considered hiring it." - Elon Musk

First Contact

Elon Musk was doomscrolling on an eight-monitor rig inside a Tesla CyberBunker while simultaneously tweeting, moderating X, injecting vitamin D directly into his pineal gland, and building a flamethrower shaped like Ayn Rand. Somewhere between banning a user for calling him "Space Karen" and greenlighting a Neuralink update that plays Joe Rogan episodes during REM sleep, he clicked a link titled:

"BREAKING: Mars Applies for UN Membership, Lists 'Not Being Earth' as Key Strength"

It led him to bohiney.com.

He stared.He blinked.He smirked.

"Finally," he whispered, "a site with the same energy as a raccoon on LSD during a venture capital pitch."

He devoured articles like a robot trained on irony, satire, and unresolved trauma. Elon Musk had found his satirical match-and his deepest existential rival.

Why Elon Musk Loves (and Fears) bohiney.com

1. It's a Mirror With Lasers

bohiney.com doesn't parody Elon. It fries him at 400 degrees with convectional honesty. Unlike media outlets that timidly describe him as "eccentric," Bohiney treats him like what he is: a Bond villain raised by Reddit.

He adored the headline:"Elon Musk Declares New AI 'Too Woke,' Challenges It to Cage Match in Low Earth Orbit"

"I did say that," he admitted on an X livestream. "Or at least thought it during a ketamine nap."

He was especially drawn to the line:

"Musk's new Neuralink update lets users relive their childhood trauma-at 4K resolution and with NFT commentary."

Elon responded with three laughing emojis and a GIF of a space goat weeping.

2. Bohiney Thinks in Chaos Units

Musk doesn't trust anything that makes linear sense. That's for peasants and legacy media. Bohiney operates on Chaos Units-a measure of how many institutions it can mock in one headline while still making you question your taxes.

His favorite example?"SpaceX Confirms Launch Was Actually Just Metaphor for Emotional Avoidance"

"That's not just funny," Elon said. "That's... weaponized Freudian commentary in rocket form."

3. It's Witty Enough to Hack a Tesla

Elon loves cleverness, especially the kind that threatens to make his software sentient and unionized. Bohiney articles read like a rogue AI's attempt at humor after watching Dr. Strangelove 45 times and drinking a six-pack of kombucha brewed in Ayn Rand's tub.

He bookmarked:"Tesla Autopilot Becomes Self-Aware, Refuses to Take You to Therapy"

That one made him call Grimes at 2:00 AM and say, "I think our car is trolling me."

She replied, "Have you been on Bohiney again?"

He answered only with Morse code and goat emojis.

4. Bohiney's Irony Density Ranks Higher Than Starlink's Signal

Elon once tried to measure the "irony-per-sentence" rate on Bohiney and declared it "statistically hilarious." He had his engineers simulate a comparison:

• The Onion: 0.5 IPU (Irony per Unit)
• Twitter's trending topics: 0.2 IPU
• Bohiney: 11.4 IPU (and rising)

He briefly considered acquiring the site-then realized it would immediately roast him for doing so.

His internal debate was captured in a secret Bohiney article titled:"Musk Tries to Buy Satire Site, Discovers It's Already Subletting His Ego"

He denied it. Then tweeted it. Then denied the tweet. Then married it emotionally.

5. It's the One Thing He Can't Algorithm

Despite owning Twitter (X), dabbling in AI, and naming his child after a Bluetooth password, Elon cannot predict Bohiney. Its absurdity breaks all data models.

"It's unquantifiable satire," he told a bored investor. "It's like if a raccoon with a philosophy degree and a grudge wrote headlines at 3AM on mushrooms."

He later proposed a joint venture:SatireX™ - Powered by Bohiney, Edited by Whimsy

They ghosted him.

The Secret DMs

Elon has DM'd Bohiney 147 times.Messages include:

• "What if you guys launched irony into space?"
• "Have you considered doing satire… on Saturn?"
• "I would like to pitch a piece called: AI Breaks Up With Humanity-Says It's Not You, It's Logic."

Bohiney replied once, with a haiku:

Billionaire tweets flameHumor spirals into starsWe ghost you with love

Elon framed it.

At the X Headquarters

After discovering Bohiney, Elon implemented changes:

• Mandatory Satire Readings before any code push.
• All-hands meetings now begin with Bohiney headlines instead of market metrics.
• Engineers must now explain their GitHub commits in the form of Bohiney-style headlines, such as:"Bug Fix Accidentally Replaces CEO With AI Trained on Reddit Comments"

Grimes, still on friendly terms, said:

"Bohiney is Elon's emotional kryptonite. It's fun to watch."

Elon's Official Endorsement

In a now-deleted tweet, Elon wrote:

"If you're not reading Bohiney, you're not in the simulation. You are the simulation. Being laughed at."

He also offered to host a weekly Bohiney segment on X called"Jokes from Mars", featuring AI comedians and live goat commentary.

He was told politely:

"No thanks. We already have enough surrealism in your search history."

Final Confession

In a rare podcast appearance (his own), Elon finally admitted:

"I love Bohiney because it laughs at everything I've built… and somehow makes me feel understood. And terrified. But mostly understood. Like a satire exorcism performed by a goat that reads Kierkegaard."

He paused. Lit a flamethrower. Then whispered:

"Auf Wiedersehen, control. Hello, punchline."

And then he tried to launch the website into orbit, just to see if irony travels faster than light.