Drive Your Sex

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It seems like a simple question, but scientists still can’t agree on exactly what makes up sex drive or how to measure it in men or women. While hormones play a role, it’s not always clear how much of a difference they make. But other factors -- psychological, social, and physical -- also work together to create your libido.
Testosterone, a hormone men need for sexual arousal, is typically high in your 20s, and so is your sex drive. But it’s also a time when you could be anxious about sex because of inexperience. That might be part of why 8%, and possibly more, of men in their 20s report erectile dysfunction (ED). The condition can happen because of a medical or mental health issue or even be a sign that you’re at risk for heart disease. Talk to your doctor about your symptoms.
You’re likely to be more fertile from your teens to late 20s than you are in the years that follow. This may make you choosier about if and when you have sex, though it’s not clear exactly why. In fact, scientists think that female desire might go up just as fertility starts to decline toward the end of your 20s.
Many men continue to have a strong sex drive through these years, though testosterone starts to slowly decrease around age 35. It typically goes down by about 1% per year, but it could be faster for some men. This could have some effect on your sex drive. Plus, for many men, the stress of work, family, and other commitments can affect how interested you are in sex.
This time of life may be when your sex drive is strongest. One study showed that women between 27 and 45 had more frequent and more intense sexual fantasies than younger or older women. They also had more sex and were more likely to have it sooner in a relationship.
At any age, pregnancy and childbirth have a big impact on your sex life, but it’s different for everyone. Your body and hormones change throughout pregnancy. That may mean a boost in libido at times, especially during the second trimester, and a lack of desire at others.You also may be anxious about whether it’s safe to have sex while you’re pregnant. (It usually is, but ask your doctor if you’re unsure.) Breastfeeding, raising kids, and other work can also affect the time, energy, and interest you have in sex.  
If you’re in good physical and mental health, there’s no reason you shouldn’t continue to enjoy your sex life as you get older. ED does become more common as you age. Your erections may happen less often and may be less firm. But it’s not age itself that causes the problem as much as health problems that become more common with age, like heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, and obesity, and the drugs that treat them. Your doctor can talk to you about your options for treating ED.
Around age 50, an “empty nest” or less worry about getting pregnant might make some women more interested in sex. But as you head toward menopause, estrogen levels drop, which might cool your libido down a bit and lead to vaginal dryness. Hot flashes, anxiety, weight gain, and sleep problems also can make you less in the mood. Ask your doctor about medicines, hormones, lubrication, and other treatment. 
You need some testosterone to get aroused, but it’s not clear how much. It may vary from person to person. And though it’s true your levels decline with age, scientists don’t know exactly how this affects sex drive. Some men with “low” testosterone show normal sex drive, while others with high levels have sexual problems. Other medical issues, physical fitness, and mental health could be more important factors.
Talk to your doctor about any issues with your sex drive, as they could be a sign of a medical condition. If your physical response is the problem, your doctor may prescribe hormones that can increase overall sex drive (estrogen for women, testosterone for men), or drugs that boost sexual arousal: sildenafil (Viagra) and tadalafil (Cialis) for men, and bremelanotide (Vyleesi) andflibanserin (Addyi) for women.
Ask your partner about their needs and desires, and talk about yours, too. Don’t be afraid to try new things as your bodies evolve and your stage of life changes. This can help keep you and your partner engaged and interested in sex. Be honest about your physical and emotional satisfaction. It might even be a good idea to set aside certain times to be intimate. 
Edward O. Laumann, PhD, University of Chicago department of sociology.
American Family Physician: “Diagnosis and Treatment of Atrophic Vaginitis.”
American Psychological Association: “Stress effects on the body.”
American Sexual Health Association: “Sex After 50.”
Bailliere’s Clinical Obstetrics and Gynecology: “Sexual behaviour in pregnancy, after childbirth and during breast-feeding.”
Baylor University Medical Center Proceedings: “Diagnosing and managing low serum testosterone.”
Harvard Health Publishing: “Recharge your sexual energy,” “Attitudes about sexuality and aging."
Hormones and Behavior: “Lower sexual interest in postpartum women: relationship to amygdala activation and intranasal oxytocin.”
Cleveland Clinic: “Vaginal Atrophy: Management and Treatment,” “Menopause & Sex.”
Journal of Sexual Medicine: “Female Sexual Function during Pregnancy and after Childbirth.”
Mayo Clinic: “Vaginal atrophy,” “Erectile dysfunction,” “Low sex drive in women,” “Is there an equivalent of Viagra for women?” “Sexual health and aging: Keep the passion alive.”
Merck Manual: “Erectile Dysfunction (ED),” “Decreased Libido in Men.”
National Coalition for Sexual Health: “Sexual Health in Your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s & Beyond.”
National Institute on Aging: “Sexuality in Later Life.”
National Institutes of Health: “Understanding How Testosterone Affects Men.”
PLoS One: “A Validated Age-Related Normative Model for Male Total Testosterone Shows Increasing Variance but No Decline after Age 40 Years.”
Urologists.org: “Men's Sexual Health by Decade.”
The North American Menopause Society: “Decreased Desire.”
The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality: “Is there an early-30s peak in female sexual desire? Cross-sectional evidence from the United States and Canada.”
The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism: “The Relationship between Libido and Testosterone Levels in Aging Men.”
Translational Andrology and Urology: “Erectile dysfunction in fit and healthy young men: psychological or pathological?”
University of Washington Medicine: “Is Your Sex Drive Normal? Probably.”
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: “Having a Baby After Age 35: How Aging Affects Fertility and Pregnancy.”
March of Dimes: “Sex during pregnancy.” 
This tool does not provide medical advice. See additional information.
© 2005 - 2021 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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While there isn’t yet a little blue pill for increasing sex drive in women, there are a number of things you can do to give your libido a boost! The first step in how to increase your sex drive is to recognize what’s holding it back.
We reached out to Dr. Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS and she recommended: “To address low libido you first want to be an investigator to find out what is blocking you from being willing to be intimate. This might include stress, lack of sleep, constant arguments with your partner, medication, kids, pain in sex, negative body image and chronic pain.”
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With this in mind, we investigated ten factors that are among the most common that can upset the balance of your libido, which can obviously lead to an issue if your partner wants to have sex more than you do. You might even feel out of sorts if you know your sex drive isn’t what it used to be, too!
The two main hormone types that affect libido are androgens, a group that includes testosterone [1], and estrogen [2]. Although testosterone is known as being a man’s hormone, a woman’s body actually produces testosterone, too. Not only can it increase your tendency to be aggressive, but it can also boost your sex drive [3]!
If you feel like you’re not as interested in sex as you could be or have been, it might be due to a dip in your testosterone levels. There are testosterone supplements that can fix this [4], but be aware that they come with risks such as weight gain and an increase in body hair. Talk to your doctor before starting any treatment. She might not suggest testosterone or may provide a different prescription to balance your hormones.
Estrogen, the woman’s hormone, also plays a part in increasing your libido – or decreasing it when your estrogen levels are low. Estrogen levels change during your life and even your menstrual cycle. Estrogen first begins to play a role during puberty, both by activating your menstrual cycle so that your body releases eggs and menstruates when those eggs are unfertilized and by encouraging allover body growth [5]. Sex drive increases or even begins for many girls at this age.
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Estrogen and other hormones also fluctuate during your menstrual cycle. The hormone is responsible for activating growth of the uterine lining every month, among other things. But it’s the midcycle progesterone & testosterone spike that you might make you super horny right before you’re about to get you periods [6] [7].
Pregnancy is another time when hormones change. Your hormones levels all rise, and this can lead to moody behavior and either increased or decreased sex drive. Once you give birth, it might take a while for things to get back to normal. But it’s not just estrogen and testosterone that affects your libido: even the prolactin your body produces during breast-feeding minimizes ovarian activity and can affect sex drive [8].
This is both why it’s harder to get pregnant if you’re breastfeeding (although not impossible!) and why you might find it difficult to get in the mood for sex: your hormones are still unbalanced. Fortunately, this is usually temporary.
During menopause, your body stops producing as much estrogen, which often means a dip in libido [9] [10]. If you have low estrogen, supplements are available. But it’s best to talk to your doctor before you try any hormonal supplements as you’ll learn below.
Hormonal birth control such as the pill, patch, shot, implant or hormonal IUD can all affect your sex drive [11]. These birth control options add new hormones to your system.
Some birth control is known as a combination method because it carries male and female hormones, but not all do. Progestin-only birth control pills, also known as POP or mini-pills, do not contain estrogen.Most do, however. This method prevents you from ovulating, which prevents your ovaries from making additional hormones, including testosterone.
Estrogen has positive benefits aside from contraception, including regulating periods and reducing cramps. But some side effects aren’t positive, and lowered sex drive is one of them. While not every woman will see her libido decrease when using birth control, many do [12]. One reader stated:
So many birth controls that so many women are taking make them lose their sex drive immensely. I have just recently stopped using mine and have found that I am starting to feel like myself again!
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Why? Because your ovaries also produce testosterone [13], and when birth control alters the way they work, your system has less testosterone.
You might consider a few solutions. First, you might switch to the mini-pill or simply a birth control method that contains fewer hormones, which may disrupt your body’s hormonal balance less. Another option is to opt for nonhormonal birth control methods such as condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps or copper IUD.
Whatever you decide to do, talk to your doctor. Birth control is medication, and she may advise you not to quit cold-turkey. Remember that your hormones may take a while to balance out, too.
Although sex can be a great stress reliever, stress can also make you feel disconnected from our partners and even your body, leading to a drastic decrease in the amount of sex you’re having and how much you want to have sex.
According to Dr. Celeste Holbrook, Ph.D., “It is very difficult to be vulnerable, let go and relax into pleasure with your partner when your mind is full. The body will follow the mind anywhere, so it is helpful to try and unhook from responsibilities in any way you can, including asking for help.”
As you learned in our guide to getting horny (Haven’t read it yet? Don’t wait to check out our advice on how to get horny), stress is known as a brake. It slows down sex drive. One reader to our arousal poll advised that women:
Also get rid of anxiety in your life by any means that is safe and healthy.
You can more easily deal with some stress than others. For example, you might be able to ship the kids off to the grandparents’, ask your partner to help you do the dishes or take turns sensually massage one another. The former is a great form of foreplay as well as a way to relax.
There are times in our lives that will be more stressful than others, and you may not be able to do anything about it. If you can, reduce obligations at work, school or home, and find ways to make them less stressful. Figure out what is a priority, and don’t overextend yourself. If you can’t do that, consider meditation or yoga to help relieve stress.
Sometimes you may need to seek professional help. Therapy and medication can help, especially if you struggle with anxiety. Anxiety can bleed into your sex life and make it less satisfying.
Although you might feel a little anxious about sex (find out how to deal with anxiety about sex), especially if it’s your first time or the first time with a new partner, sex shouldn’t add to the amount of stress you’re experiencing. It has the potential to be pleasurable, a way for you to connect with your partner and a positive thing in your life. And satisfying sex can actually help you ditch anxious feelings because the hormones released during and after sex can help you to relax.
Low sex drive might be a symptom of a medical condition. If your condition is currently undiagnosed, reporting low sex drive to your doctor may help diagnosis. You may have received a diagnosis and not even realized that low sex drive came along with that diagnoses because doctors do not always emphasize sexual health.
Among the conditions or diseases that can impact libido are:
The first six items on this list may result in lowered libido because your body is fatigued. #7 and #8 are hormonal imbalances, and hormones are key to sex drive [17].
You may be receiving treatment for one of these conditions, but sleep apnea is a condition that often goes untreated, and low sex drive is just one effect.
But you may need to look beyond physical ailments. Mental conditions are known to wreak havoc on libido, especially anxiety and depression. The opposite is also generally true: happiness levels predict sexual desire [18].
Unfortunately, treatments for these conditions may also spell bad news for your libido. SSRIs are one category of treatment that can contribute to lowered libido [19] and medications that lower blood pressure may reduce blood flow in your genitals [20].
Talk to your doctor about switching doses or medicines if you’ve noticed that your ability to get in the mood for sex has decreased since starting any new medication.
You might not struggle with specific health conditions, but if you’re not the most healthy person, your sex drive is unlikely to be healthy. Poor health may mean that you lack energy, a must to do anything, let alone have sex.
Other unhealthy habits can also prevent you from getting in the mood for sex. For example, a glass of wine loosens some people up just enough to enjoy sex. But too many glasses, and you might have no desire (or wind up having sloppy sex that satisfies no one). Other drugs may have a similar effect.
If you’re in the habit of skipping sleep, you might want to rethink it. Being well-rested is one factor of a healthy sex drive [21].
And since blood flow is important for physical arousal, you’ll want to stay away from cigarettes. Smoking is no good for blood flow [22].
Proper diet and exercise can boost your energy and your sex drive, but it can also provide another boost: self-image.
We’re constantly bombarded with images of perfect women – and men. But even supermodels are Photoshopped, and professional hair and makeup artists spend a lot of time to make those people look so perfect. When even celebrities can look at their own photos and not recognize themselves, it’s pretty much guaranteed that no one can live up to these crazy-high expectations.
When we talked to Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D. about this she elaborated that, “Many things can interfere with women’s desire, including receiving negative and shaming messages about sex and your body when growing up, traumatic sexual experiences and poor body image”
What does this mean for the 99.9% of us who aren’t supermodels? Many of us have body and self-esteem issues that can rear their ugly heads when it comes time to disrobe for a partner! You’re not alone if you have body issues. In fact, many men feel something similar.
Remember that your partner chose you, and if you’re in love, that makes you even more attractive to him. Also, remember that there’s no single way to be attractive. You’ve probably liked some guys who are quite different from one another!
One thing you can do to feel better about yourself and increase your libido is to invest in lingerie – and clothing – that make you feel sexy. We’ve got advice for picking out sexy lingerie in this post. Invite your partner to help you, and it’s sure to increase your sex drive!
Consider snapping a few sexy selfies and sending them to your lover (sexting is one way that many women get horny) or hiring a photographer to do a boudoir shoot. Both of these can be real confi
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Drive Your Sex