DOC Hamlet by Hamlet Shakespeare bookstore access selling online ebay
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Book description
CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH REVIEWHAMLET V JANE EYREFrom todays Telegraph:A diary has been found by an eminent archaeologist working at the site of Thornfield Hall. This crumbling tome is purportedly written by a certain Mrs Rochester formerly known as Ophelia, and within those pages there is enough circumstance to shame most of todays adventure writers who can rarely be relied upon to conjure up such an exciting plot-line. Fact is surely stranger than fiction.Police in Denmark were notified and upon DNA testing it is found that the corpses of both Hamlet and Ophelia are impostors, backing up the diary pages (322-396) that describe bribing servants to dress up as doubles and then having them killed.There is a remarkable tale (page 13) of a nightly shadow puppet show on the ramparts, in which the giggling Ophelia and her darling Hammy Hamster scared the night-watch half to death.On page 27, Ophelia describes how she then went onto feign insanity and recalls just how much fun she had pulling that off after her virile lover killed that nagging old woman of a father, Penelope-onius. The writing on the page at the point where it is noted that her needlework on the wall-hanging was ruined in the process scores angrily deep into the parchment and is written over at least five times.On page 53 there is a remarkable description of how Ophelia smuggled in a plush baby Cthulu into the coffin to denote a monster of the deep moat, and astoundingly enough there are the fetid scrag ends of that toy in the ground, next to the bones of the female servant. Ophelia notes that me and Hammy Baby laughed down three bottles of red at the thought of that inspired joke.King Fartingbrass aka HRH Shitting Pennies (see page 103) helped the couple across the sea to England where they took up residence at Thornfield Hall and employed a cook/bottle washer and then a feeble whelp named Jane Eyre as a Governess. Because of the risk of discovery, Ophelia kept herself hidden from prying eyes and then on page 178 there is the plot to kill off Jane Eyre and Ophelias plan to impersonate her so she could go abroad into the world. At least get down to the pub for a natter and a pint.In England they contacted a jobbing writer, Willie by name, and paid him handsomely to re-write the history of Helsingör, which he did remarkably well because it is still being talked about today.Towards the back of the book there is a very telling statement about Hamlet the man...No-one knew that my Hammy Hamlet was nothing whatsoever akin to this ham actor.HAMLET ROOLZ!!
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