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this is my second time around, after many years, and i still find this books exceptional. first of all, kate millett writes beautifully. this womans had many careers -- artist, activist, feminist theorist, writer -- but if her talents resided only in putting words in sequence and saying amazing things with them, she should still be qualified as a genius. this book oozes pain. if you cannot deal with pain, you should not read it, otherwise youll find it long, verbose, overwritten, or self-indulgent. autobiographical writing about pain is possibly self-indulgent by definition: the writer indulges ones own distress enough to put it down on paper and present it to everyones eye to contemplate, hopefully with sympathy. its hard to be detached, ironic, funny, or lithe if you write about horror. its hard to convey the sense of being over it (isnt this what we require of those who talk about their suffering, a sort of heroic self-transcendence?). kate millett has all the reasons in the world not to be over it. it is thanks to that fact that she isnt anywhere near over it that those who have experienced her selfsame pain can read this and find themselves home. kate millett provides a home for a category of people who feel so dispossessed and persecuted, they think they are never entitled to a home ever again. in more than 300 thickly printed pages, kate millett describes what happened to her when her next-of-kins decided she was bipolar (they didnt mind about the depression, only about the mania) and had her hospitalized. the devastation millett, by then an accomplished and famous writer and artist, not to mention a university professor, felt at this sudden loss of autonomy and personhood is heartbreaking. her world crumbled. when you are labeled with certifiable (as in by a doctor) insanity, anything you say will be used against you. it is perhaps the most insidious and unfightable form of invalidation. it erodes, not only your standing in the world, but also your faith in others and yourself. to express this horrible experience of pervasive hostility millett needs lots of words. the words are beautiful and on many occasions one finds they say things one would be hard-pressed to find the words for. she makes you want to grab your pencil and underline. she makes you want to memorize.what strikes me most upon this second reading is the way in which millett produces verbal magic in the dark. in a way, she is writing in a lightless room, hoping that what she feels under her hands are in fact a blank sheet and a pen full of ink. she writes from a place in which her words have stopped making sounds. she is crazy, after all. why should her protestations, her anguish, her pain be taken as anything other than the rantings of a madwoman? her faith in words and readership is miraculous. she is as tough as nails.the writing is rich, slow, yet urgent. she writes like her life depends on it, yet at the same time she dwells on sensations, more often than not, perhaps surprisingly, delicious sensation of pleasure. hands, the land, the dirt, art, colors, wine, food, bodies. she is not shy. all the pleasure is sexual and all of it is on the page. the pleasure demands to be written even more than the pain, because it is so precarious yet so miraculous, so terribly precious, so inexplicably life-giving. trust those who have been killed again and again (forced thorazine and straight-jackets will do that to you as surely as guns and knives) to know the pleasures of the skin, the eye, of simple survival.she also depicts an intensely paranoid world. anyone around her, at any time, could pick up the phone and tell her family that shes gone down the deep end again. her inner fights with her (much justified and realistic) paranoia are one of the most powerfully disturbing moments of this book, especially when the objects of this pervasive, soul-destroying suspicion are lesbian lovers on a reclaimed piece of land on which a feminist art colony is being built. these are not the people who will call the man. these are the people who call the man. if these people call the man, nowhere is safe.i hope my students will like this. i hope they will appreciate how hard it is to put together beautiful, meaningful language out of forced silencing, and indulge in the pleasure of milletts words as much as i did.
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