BOOK Caligula: Divine Carnage: Atrocities of the Roman Emperors by Stephen Barber ebook flibusta book access epub

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Book description
** Warning – contains distasteful material, unfit for most people**This is a very (very) silly torture-porn book which can only be recommened to fans of Deathgasm (Jason Howden, 2015) or Centuries of Torment by the band Cannibal Corpse (2008). They would love it.What was I doing reading it? Funny you should ask – I was asking myself the same question. I thought – you, yes, you - reader of Ulysses and Winnie the Pooh, are now reading Caligula Divine Carnage, subtitle : Atrocities of the Roman Emperors.Explain!Well, you see, I recently read My Lives by ubersophisticate man of the world Edmund White, a guy who knows how to string a sentence together. In that book he mentions that this other guy has written his biography and the other guy is Stephen Barber. When I checked out Stephen Barber on Goodreads I found hed also written this one.I was intrigued.Of course it could be theres two Stephen Barbers. It wouldnt be the first time Goodreads has concertinered two people with the same name. (Or should that be concertinad? But I dont like that apostrophe. It makes me uneasy.) Googling didnt help, so until Im told otherwise I think this is the same Stephen Barber who wrote The Burning World, a biography of Edmund White. In which case, I have a message for Edmund :You really should read this one. Do you really want this guy writing your life? I think not!In his note on sources Stephen dismisses the tedious standards to which historical works are held in a rather grand manner:It would require the most omniscient oracle to say what was authenticMeaning – for the purposes of this book Ive decided to believe only the most insanely lurid fantasies spun around these mad Roman emperors by the sadistic pornographers of the last two thousand years.I dont boggle easily but I was all a-boggle on the very first page of the foreword. We are discussing Tiberius, the emperor prior to Caligula :Not content with enticing mullet to nibble his crumb-coated genitals as he reclined in the tepid rock poolsA mullet:Well, I tried this once and really the crumbs just dissolve in the water before the mullet get interested, so frankly I dont believe Emperor Tiberius did any such thing. More like he said hed like to try it. Now, on the second page of the foreword we have this, an early description of the Brazilian wax :Domitian meanwhile lusted after prostitutes and courtesans without surcease, and delighted in depilating their succulent pubic mounds by hand-held tweezers before penetration.I dont believe this one either – it would take hours and I think ones ardour would be considerably diminished long before any serious depilation had been achieved.I was glad to read that even Emperors didnt get everything they wished for:Although Tiberiuss last wish had been that one of his most well endowed slaves should bugger his corpse, nobody could be found who was prepared to do so, despite considerable financial incentives.As you see, the torture porn is laced with a little understated wit on occasion. So this book is a list of repetitive horrors and maimings and slaughterings inflicted on all and sundry by Caligula, Commodus and Heliogabalus, three of the the four truly crazy Emperors. But its so over the top that not only can the top no longer be seen but its now only a distant memory to this book. I just didnt believe any of it. E.g.A special miniature amphitheatre was erected where the plebeian scum could for a small fee sit and watch their Emperor bugger his sister on a stage of solid gold.Sorry, just no. No he didnt. Stop writing this stuff, Stephen Barber. Really. Even if its just for money. Stop metaphorically buggering these corpses!Okay - some light relief: which pop song not only uses the word plebeian but rhymes it too?(view spoiler)[Answer – Cry me a RiverTold me love was too plebeianTold me you were through with me andNow you say you love me… (hide spoiler)]
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