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October 2011Look out, Chuck Palahniuk fans! Its a Chuck Palahniuk book! Chuck Palahniuks Damned, the newest Chuck Palahniuk book (by Chuck Palahniuk!) is classic Chuck Palahniuk, a wonderful addition to Chuck Palahniuks collection of Chuck Palahniuk books, and a must-read for Chuck Palahniuk fans who love Chuck Palahniuk and his Chuck Palahniuk books! Meet Madison, Chuck Palahniuks newest creation, a dead thirteen-year-old girl trapped in Hell after overdosing on marijuana (or did she? Chuck Palahniuk will keep you guessing!). And its a Hell only Chuck Palahniuk could imagine! And you get to explore Chuck Palahniuks Hell, with Madison and her friends--a jock, a nerd, a pretty girl, and a rebel, just like The Breakfast Club! Except its set in Hell and its by Chuck Palahniuk! Oh, isnt Chuck Palahniuk clever! Isnt he witty? Follow Madison & friends through the Dandruff Desert, past the Great Ocean of Wasted Sperm (isnt Chuck Palahniuk just so shocking?), to the Sea of Insects--see her masturbate a giant demon-woman with the help of a severed head (isnt Chuck Palahniuk just a scream?)--see her use her job in telemarketing (isnt Chuck Palahniuk a comic mastermind?) to convince terminally-ill Earth folk to join her in Hell (like the opposite of those support groups in Chuck Palahniuks Fight Club--isnt Chuck Palahniuk a genius?)--see her punch Hitler in the face and take control of Hell (isnt Chuck Palahniuk devilish?)--join her as she meets Satan Himself (youll never guess who Chuck Palahniuks Satan turns out to be! Hes a Satan only Chuck Palahniuk could write!)--watch as she learns a SHOCKING REVELATION (youll never guess what Chuck Palahniuks come up with this time!) and vows to destroy Chuck Palahniuks Satan once and for all--IN THE NEXT BOOK! Thats right, Chuck Palahniuk fans! Chuck Palahniuks novel Damned is only the first Chuck Palahniuk book in a Chuck Palahniuk trilogy! By Chuck Palahniuk! Hold on to your hats and genitalia, because Chuck Palahniuk is just getting started!Chuck Palahniuk? Chuck Palahniuk!Chuck Palahniuk.-------------------------------(Original review)If there was a Hell, my mom said youd go there for wearing fur coats or buying a cream rinse tested on baby rabbits by escaped Nazi scientists in France. My dad said that if there was a devil it was Ann Coulter.(Damned, p. 18)Taking a little jab at Ann Coulter, I see. Ooh, how daring.Are you there, Chuck? No, really, are you there? Maybe Im just out of touch, but I was under the impression that its 2011 and nobody gives a shit about Ann Coulter anymore. Maybe it was when she called John Edwards a fag, maybe it was a few years later when Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann came along--but lets face it, Ann Coulter is a nobody. She was replaced by younger and perkier right-wingers, and these days the best she can do is insult the stupid old queens at GOProud for money. Does she still write a regular column? Maybe. Does she have a book out? Yeah, so what. It doesnt matter. Whatever shock value she once had is completely dried up. Gone. Coulter is old, tired, and dull. A complete hack. Stale. So, I guess the two of you make a perfect couple, dont you?
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