After Sex Girlfriend

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Sexual intercourse is one of the most intimate experiences two people can share, but it’s not always clear how you should act afterwards. They key to channeling great sex into a great relationship is to be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with respect. Let the magic of the moment pass in its own time and find ways to stay close to your partner afterwards, like cuddling, making conversation or showering together. By showing that you’re invested, you stand a chance of strengthening your connection and sparking something lasting and meaningful.
Let the intimacy of the moment fade gradually. Take a few minutes to just lie there with your partner and bask in the post-coital glow. The act of intercourse may be over, but the blissful feeling of warmth and connectedness doesn’t have to be. All too often, people will get up and leave or find something else to focus their attention on as soon as sex has ended, depriving themselves of the small moments of pleasure that come once the immediate thrill has ended.[1]
Just like you use foreplay to ramp up the excitement and anticipation before sex, you should build in some time to slowly and gently come back to earth afterwards.
It’s important to take a few minutes to rest and recharge if you plan on going for a second round.
Cuddle your partner. Rather than rolling over to claim your half of the bed, hold your partner close. Cradle them in your arms and gently nuzzle their neck or stroke their hair. Chances are you’ll drift off into a peaceful slumber together after a while, providing the perfect end to your night.[2]
If you’re both still feeling energetic, you can watch a little TV, listen to music, or talk and joke with one another while you’re snuggled up.
Physical affection is extremely important after sex. Without it, your partner may get the wrong idea and think that you were just in it for your own pleasure.[3]
Enjoy the silence. There’s no rule that says you have to talk after sex. Forget about coming up with the perfect one-liner and instead just listen to the sound of your partner’s breath, feel their heartbeat, and try to take in as much of the experience as you can.
If you feel like you have to say something, you’ll just get caught up trying to say the right thing, which can come off sounding forced and insincere.
Let conversation unfold naturally. When you do resume talking, do it in an organic fashion. Relax, be yourself, and speak only when you have something worth saying. Complimenting your partner on their performance or asking something as simple as how they’re feeling can be a good place to start.[4]
Try not to let your line of questioning come off like an interrogation. You’ll be putting them on the spot by asking things like “Did you like when I did this?”
Never critique, rate, or offer unsolicited advice post-sex. It’s a time for feeling good, not getting a lecture.[5]
Take a bath or shower together. When the time comes to get up and wash off, do it as a unit rather than in shifts. A steamy shower may be just the thing you need to leave you feeling refreshed. You could also climb into a bath and take a long, relaxing soak, if space allows. Not only will this save water, it’s also an opportunity to be playful and get more comfortable around each other.[6]
Bathing with someone for the first time can be a little awkward. Keep the mood fun by teasing them with some lighthearted splashing or offering to scrub their back for them.
Get some space if you're feeling withdrawn. Sometimes people discover that they feel distant once the act of intimacy has ended, especially if their partner is someone they don't know well. This is perfectly normal. If you're experiencing mixed emotions or the idea of sticking around to spoon a stranger makes you uneasy, excuse yourself to do something else, like call a trusted friend or take a long walk. You can always go or ask your partner to leave if you're not feeling any better after a few minutes.[7]
You're not obligated to cuddle, flirt, or carry on conversation after sex. Instead, you should always do what makes you most comfortable.
While it's important for your partner to be able to relax and enjoying themselves once, it's just as important to make sure that you're feeling alright about what's just happened.[8]
Try to stay awake. It’s perfectly natural to get a little sleepy right after you’ve finished doing the deed, but nodding off after a passionate lovemaking session could be misinterpreted as rude. Do your best to stay present and engaged. It may help to sit up or get a thought-provoking conversation started if you’re especially drained.[9]
When you feel like you’re in danger of nodding off, concentrate on taking full, deep breaths or take a trip to the bathroom to get your blood pumping.
Make it a goal to outlast your partner. Once they fall asleep, you can take it as an all-clear to begin snoozing yourself.
Put down your phone. Make sure the other person knows they have your undivided attention until the lull of the moment has passed. The last thing your partner wants after being intimate is to look over to find you with your eyes glued to a screen. There will be plenty of time to respond to your texts or update your Facebook status later.[10]
It’s also a good idea to silence or turn off your phone before sex to keep from being interrupted.
Take your time getting dressed. Reach for your underwear if you’re feeling exposed, but leave the rest of your clothes where they are. If you get chilly, slide under the covers or pull your partner a little closer rather than making a beeline for your pants. You’ve already shared your bodies with one another, so there’s no need to suddenly become bashful.
There’s no harm in changing into a pair of pajamas or sweats to get cozy, but covering up in a hurry may send the message that you feel distant or ashamed.
Consider staying the night. Assuming you don’t have anything pressing to do in the morning, going to bed with the person you just slept with can be a good thing for both of you. Hanging around is a respectful, courteous move, as it shows that you’re not overly eager to get away from them. You can go your separate ways the next day after spending a pleasant night together.[11]
If it’s not practical for you to stay, find a tactful way to break the news that won’t make it seem like you’re looking for an escape. Tell your partner that you have to be at work early in the morning, or that you have a pet at home that needs to be fed or taken out.
It’s not always safe to assume that your partner wants you to hang around when you’re at their place. Try to pick up on any signals they’re putting out that hint that they might prefer to sleep alone, like mentioning how busy their week is or withdrawing (physically or emotionally) after the act.
Follow up with a call or text. Get in touch with your partner the next day and let them know that you enjoyed their company. Many people make the mistake of intentionally putting off communicating with the other person because they’re afraid it will make them look needy, but this just sews the seeds of doubt. A quick exchange will show them that they’ve been on your mind.[12]
A phone call is the most personal way to go, since it requires more effort than a text, but a typed message is better than nothing if you’re busy.
Don’t wait too long to reach out. Keep in mind that you’re dealing with another person with their own feelings, expectations, and insecurities, not playing a game.
Remain warm and friendly in public. Say hi to your partner when you see them at school or the office or run into them while you’re out and about. Smile, make eye contact, and give them a few minutes of your time. A good rule of thumb is to treat them the way you would any of your other friends, unless you’ve already agreed to keep things between you quiet.
Don’t feel like you have to go incognito in order to play it cool or keep other people from finding out. It’s more likely that your partner will just think that you’re dodging them.
At the same time, don’t do anything to call attention to the fact that you’ve slept together. Discretion is an essential quality for maintaining healthy, mature sexual relationships.
Make an effort to spend time together outside of the bedroom. If you’ve got a couple hours to spare, see if your partner would like to get together for dinner or go to the movies. At the very least, offer to go for a walk or meet up for a cup of coffee. They’ll be delighted to know that you’re interested enough to want to see them again so soon.[13]
The point is to get in some face time while you’re fully clothed to maintain and strengthen your initial connection. An unwillingness to participate in non-sexual activities can make you look shallow and may result in the other person feeling used.
Be up front about what you want. Communication is vital for any relationship, even one between casual sexual partners. During future correspondence, let them know how you feel about things, and encourage them to share their thoughts as well. If one of you is looking for a long-term relationship and the other is just content with hooking up occasionally, you’re both going to be in for a rude awakening.[14]
Ask yourself what you hope to gain from the relationship and where you see things going. Your partner deserve to be on the same page, or at least have an idea of where you stand.
It’s never alright to string someone along in the hopes that you’ll continue receiving sex.
Why does my boyfriend always leave the room to answer a phone call? He especially does that in the middle of sex. I just want him to focus on me!
He probably doesn't realize his behavior is causing an issue. Talk to him and let him know that his blatant lack of attention hurts your feelings. If he understands that what he's doing is having a disruptive effect on your sex life, he'll begin acting more conscientiously.
If you have been intmate with a guy the first time, is it best to wait for him to call you, if he seems interested in you?
There are no rules. If you like this guy, call him! You don't have to wait for him to reach out to you. Start off the conversation casually and keep a friendly tone. Eventually, you can get around to discussing the previous night and how much you enjoyed it.
If she seems uncomfortable after the event, (even if she allowed it!) what do you do?
This is actually pretty normal. Some people experience a sort of emotional distance after sex, and may seem cold or withdrawn. Just give her some time--it will usually pass. If she still seems uncomfortable after a little while, ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about or something you can do to make her feel better.
How do you tell your woman if you didn't enjoy it without hurting her feelings?
Sometimes it's best to just not say anything at all. If you're in a committed relationship and think it's worth talking about, do it gracefully to avoid upsetting her. Rather pointing out the negative, emphasize the things you did like and tell her what would make it even better in the future. Even if you found the sex unenjoyable, you should still show your partner respect and gratitude.
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