..

I can understand what's happening with you lately. These offers, calls, rush, movement in routine, it can be stressing, tiring, and after all there is no mind for the rest. I felt it the day you fell asleep like that. I know my mood changed, I honestly logged off from game and moved to game because I also wanted to talk with you, we were talking good in game, I didn't have more pain that day, so I thought, let's take a rest about game, it wasn't so late, we could have had a little time for conversation.

But you suddenly woke up, after almost one hour, and I really didn't think to keep you there with me. I got tired, I mean, I wanted to lot off and do something else, get up, make some cleaning, washing, whatever, instead of keep wasting cigarettes in bed, because my last thought was that you were taking a shower. I wasn't mad or angry, just exhausted in some way, like it's fine but now that it's late, let's just talk later or anything. You took me like I was sending you to sleep, like if this was my reaction. I truly thought that you needed sleep. Deny that or not, you're always stubborn about going to sleep. The way you logged off, unexpectedly, pissed me off, surprised me, you never did it to me I think. I didn't deserve it either. I kept waiting. I knew you were still holding phone in your hands. I know you. You came back and all of that started. I lost all my desire to talk with you. Even if we didn't solve that well, we kept talking.

Today was tough DC. Serious, too much work, writing, focusing there that we didn't have much time to talk
We talked. I gave you some suggestions that I think you took wrong or didn't like it. But I'm not surprised of that. I really don't want to fight but it's the truth. It's not the first time it happens. It's funny that most of the time, we, us, and even you the most is saying that we both lead, but it can't be yourself saying A and me commenting B. Never. It will always end like this, in game, if you go back and read pms.

DC ends, we talk in game about what happened, issues, game stuff. We were not in mood at all. Throwing out negative thoughts, whatever, talking senseless of course. You went to sleep, I wanted to log off and do things, I couldn't in all day. I told you I was going to write something for you later to read, that was honestly my intention. Checking phone notifications, I saw that PS started and also saw DMON messages. I logged in, and sent everything to her. I have no rss now. I wasn't in mood. I only jumped to tower and logged off. Ate sth, put a serie on TV to watch and distract myself. I didn't see what time it was. I logged to game, moved to tower and saw you in telegram, writing. I read there first. I saw your messages and what they were answering. I didn't doubt to stop you, tell you it wasn't worth. I still can't get how you, having lack of time decided to spent it writing there. I was calling you, trying to make you stop. Didn't work. You said it didn't matter. No, I didn't take you wrong. I told you I won't support you on that, I never expected that answer.

You said you were calm but I honestly see from you some attitude I don't like at all. Even if I'm really upset about the situation. If it was up to me, I'd just insult them and kick from alliance right now. Or even do what you tried to do, prove that they were wrong, did a mistake, that runned away when they were needed. What for? Who's not doing that actually after all? Everyone, on events, on pms, even in wars, it's nothing new. There you're trying to give away thoughts when it's not necessary already. You said you were calm. Did you see his reaction? That's not going anywhere. Not smarter. I was pushing today many of them on purpose by pms. Bucha, OBX, both ignored me, didn't try a shit in event. I told you I'm saving screenshot, I'm pushing them, but I'm not going straight and throw all of this to them. No.

I wish, instead, you could have said sth but in our chat, anything, whatever. I don't think you woke up in mood, and it's understandable. You have all the right to do it. I won't push you either, to be in the same mood I am, like you do even if I'm in pain. I'll give you time, I'll offer you that, if I'm in mood, I'll get there and speak with you, offer my arms, even if I'm not good in that. That's what I was really thinking of when I tried to stop you from writing.

I also miss you. I didn't want to say anything since you starred in this new job, trial, or whatever it could be soon. I was, I'm still am really excited, happy, and proud of you. From us, you are the only one who took a step forward and continued living. And I'm happy about you. Even since that day I felt down, and I really wanted to talk but you had to leave suddenly, before offers and that stuff. I'm handling it. I didn't have good days lately but still. I didn't mention it all, or at least I tried it not to.

You will read this but of course you won't re read your words there again. I know you are proud, you want the last word. But I don't know where this is going when two people are in the same way. I won't say it was childish. But that's sth I'd probably end up doing and I know, I know well, you'd tell me it's unnecessary, not worth. But if you say it doesn't matter, either, as you. This time I think it's not me who has to consider my behavior this days and specifically this morning. Honestly. Leave your proud behind if you will answer me. Both are the same.