:)

Your apology made me cry so much. I accept it completely and I understand and feel where you are coming from.

🙁☹️ you have really a golden heart sahi mei

I want to apologise too for wherever I think I went wrong. Firstly, it's a pity and self-reflection for me that I called you my friend and you could not even pour your heart out to me. I could not give you the safe space to be yourself. I was not there for you emotionally even though I always taunted you for low EQ etc. It's a shame, really. I don’t think I even deserve to be called your friend. It's beyond selfish of me to always rant out to you, tell you everything without ever realising how much pain you were holding inside all throughout those months. If possible, please forgive me. It was never intentional on my part. I swear. I did try to ensure you can open up, be vulnerable with me, but you never did. Then I stopped bothering after a point assuming you don’t wish to. Which shouldn't have been the case since I called you my friend. In any case, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I try to and will try but nothing to be sorry about you did asked but i just was new to sharing and letting out , until i met you now when i think i never had a friend whom i can talk to be vulnerable and share everything but just things were new for me , i was trying to catch up but was not fast enough and there were already so much trouble i was causing i didnt wanted to add more to it ,i dont even know how to be a good friend or keep one or a friendship is like because i never had one until now

When I met you, I felt a sudden rush. It had been a long time since I was in any relationship and since we were from the same school, it seemed like the perfect love story in my head. I developed feelings for you after some time. I just wanted to be with you. Those sunrise pictures made me feel you are my soulmate. I wanted us to meet, go on dates, get to know each other. But that morning when out of nowhere, after I changed the ringtone, you suddenly changed your behaviour completely, gave no explanation whatsoever, deleted chats. It was horrific for me. I cried so much. I felt so cheated, hurt, manipulated and it broke my heart so badly. I have had such a toxic relationship before and when you did this it brought back such bad memories. I never told you, but I have had a very troubled childhood because of serious issues between my parents and I have extreme fear of abandonment, being left alone. I take therapy for that. So after that incident, I had decided you are not someone I can ever trust. I knew no matter what, I will never fall for you again. I was clear if anything, we can only be friends. That gave me clarity and I started focussing on myself and my life with you being a good connection and nothing more.

It was same for me too when we met i had been in same lonley situation as you and to be honest i was never in proper releation as the world know it was more of me inside head less of in reality or words and expression so when i met you all of that was a kids panic response of first time someone liking me in my life for the first time ever it was my own dumbness and inexperience and maturity and sorry for your time and patience for dealing my stupidity

But over time, knowing you, getting to see your stories, food expertise, tech love, funny things, amazing sexting (lol :p), I genuinely forgot what you had done. I started really going with the flow, telling you everything about myself. I was so happy I have a friend I can be myself with, you never judged me. I made you my safe space. You were always there for me when even my closest friends were busy. You understood me, heard me, made me feel so much better about myself, made me realise my self-worth. You supported my dream of being a mumma, a perfect homemaker. Now when i have interacted with men on bumble, I know how good of a heart you had to not judge me on this dream. Because everyone else does. It was never my intention to make you feel unworthy or less. You are such a smart, amazing human. Everything you do, everything you have achieved, the passion you have towards your work ( Promise me never to doubt your love towards your work again?). I am not even kidding when I say I felt inadequate for you as a person in many ways.

Still remeber the time when we started starting on that amazon series (musical singing one ), to watching movie night together and me learning so much about the world from you when both of us were locked inside home for literally years , and ahha the amazing sexting ;) ahaa that was really something (and i still miss that our imaginations together were just ..really something sparkfull,we can still do that we both are grown mature adults now ;) and can have fun our own way with the household and family setting)

I always believed in you and still belived of what your dream ,just maybe beleived way too much that my head that i started to take your dream and my dream and eveything all together on my own shoulder that was just too much for my head , yeaa its after that i blew up i realised my mistake and just like the calmness after a volcano eruption i realised my mistake that even though there is uncertanity in every step of life all i can do is whatever best of situation and not care about result ....haha no you are just way to perfect and what actual 25 year grown up should be like

Post sattva, I went through a serious quarter life crisis. I can’t put into words how it felt in life. I thought I was in some form of depression. I was so lost and I stopped enjoying anything. I hated waking up in the morning. I started crying in the washroom. I was a wreck. My therapist said its my childhood trauma coming to surface since I have never stayed at home

COVID bit us back in different form in different ways that living in same 10 m space for literally years in house had different effect on all of us in ways we never saw it coming and never knew that could happen , i for one who had be alone all my life no friend circle anything no friend whom i can open up to i made belive thats normal and that was something i. never needed in life but covid made me realise how wrong i was

so long with my parents. Seeing them everyday due to the pandemic triggered my trauma very badly. I was in a very bad head space. I forgot my own self and there was no way I could be there for you or anyone else for that matter. I would rant out to you without ever realising how you felt about it, what impact it may have on you. I did it unconsciously. Slowly, I did start feeling better and started thinking of a life plan from scratch. After endlessly reading, reflecting day-in day-out, taking therapy, moving towards spirituality

Its all past now put it in backview mirror and dont look back

I found my purpose. I realised since I never had the family, the home I desired growing up, that's all i crave for. A loving partner, my two babies, our peaceful home sweet home. No fights, no shouting, a pure blissful safe space. It was a shock when I figured this out. I had always been an academic achiever and suddenly thought of giving it up because my purpose is to be a mumma for my babies, a lovely wife and homemaker, I felt something was wrong with me.

Each of us have different and sees world with different pair of eyes thats what makes us individual and people like us set apart and different from rest who challenges the norm and can rise above things

That's why I probably mentioned things around salary, not wanting to live with someone else's parents etc, I was trying to build my dream in my head. I know I can't be someone who provides financially for my family because my purpose is to love, nurture, give endless hugs, warm food and a cozy home. I was trying to build my dream in my head and probably said things that may have made you feel less or inadequate. But to be very honest, my dream and goals have absolutely nothing to do with your worth. If there is something, I want to ask you as an apology is to never ever make anyone else doubt your self-worth. You are your own home, your own hero, your own safe space. Look Harshit, none of us is perfect, we all are such complicated humans, with such different upbringing, experiences, dreams. If we don’t respect and love ourselves, who will? If I don't trust that my dream of being a mom and being a happy homemaker does not make me any less than a pretty hard working financially independent woman, then who will? You need to love yourself so much that no one can ever make you doubt your worth. Fuck the comparisons. You do you, boo. Always. Always remember that. There will be someone you are perfect fit for, even if not, you will make it perfect together. Own your weaknesses and show off your strengths. Have no regrets, always be a fighter. Who is stopping you, dear? Go, work hard, fuck people who make you feel less, and live your life your fucking way. Be happy. That's the bottom line. You will die, everyone around you will die, what do you want to look back at? The self doubt, pity, the comparisons? Or the amazing pizza you made, that girl on tinder you had amazing sex with, the girl from school you shared good memories with, that time you worked crazy hard and got into your dream job, that time you cried and laughed. You decide. You are such an amazing, beautiful soul, aahhh, if only you saw what I saw. Please, level-up your self-love boo, you deserve it so so much.

Yeaa all we can do is try the best of , and keep moving i might not be the the 1% but still be better and happier and have a more fulfilling life then remaining 90% for sure

Well i didnt even know the concept of self love care, etc 😂 you know more of it and are more aware so my vocab to motivate you in that domain is just grain of salt in jar of salt , yeaa the girl from school :P defintely will remeber how when the world was in disaster how i survived and made through together with such an amazin friend , thas surely a story to tell to grand kids one day of how i survived through pandemic 😂 with a person who was in same situation

Thanks you once again Milky

Not every relationship has to go one way. I had such an amazing time with you, I have zero regrets and complaints. I love our bond and will always cherish the time we had. I learnt, I grew. Made amazing memories. I owe you so much. I know you had an amazing time too overall. It's good, no? Let go of the bad parts, release them. Keep the good ones close to your heart, they become memories we tell our grandkids. Tell them about that girl from school you had the best sexting on telegram with hahahaha. Have no regrets, dear.

Haha yeaa yeaa it was amazing, and sexting hands down amazing by far , we still have snap ;) , who could have ever thought 2 friends from school who barely knew or talked each other in real years later got well so together

Currently, I am in the best of my space. The break was so so needed. My skin glows and I look so much better haha. I cook, dance, pray, sleep, paint and flirt on bumble lol, the men suck so much. I am at peace and happy. I am not seeking any relationship this year. I just want to b ein love with myself. I want to be my own lover. I am trying to build my life from scratch. No matter what anyone tells me or thinks of me, I will do what my heart wants. You should do the same, dear. I don’t wish to complicate things in our lives by being in regular

there is nothing to complicate , just me catching up learning to be a grown up and wow i wish everyone can get the fun and experience you have right now working on yourself by self. , and all the self love (let me also give a hand in self love :P 😂 i just resist from typing it out)

conversations, but I would love to be in general touch. You have my number, whatsapp, email, linkedin, insta. Reach out anytime, I would love to talk, have a good nice call once a while, check-up on each other.

uski zarroat hi nahi we are stying in touch , not going anwyhere we all have our own piece of trouble i just didnt see mine coming and thanks for understanding , and not declaring me retard

If possible, I would also love to go out and have food sath me and rant out haha. I promise not to make you feel judged, alone, less worthy ever again no matter when we interact. I promise you that.

Aree done i am all in pick a weekend well hang out full day eat out and explore , kind of excitment to see the amazin person who havent met since 7~8 yrs and so much of good time with

Now, if you have read till here, I hope you have a smile on your face.

If you are crying, go wash your face. Forget everything, we had fun times and that's all. There are no regrets, only amazing experiences. Also, i don’t know about anything else, but, babe, your EQ has reached beyond my expectations the way you wrote that letter, that's all I ever said, being honest, being open, being respectful, mindful, having the conversation, not running away, disappearing that's all, it helps. Call me anytime, have some really cool stories on stuff I am currently doing and fun bumble stories haha :P

Yeaa , it thought of calling but would have cried more and wont be able to pour out and then you would have cried and dono rone lagte and bol hi nahi pata , yeaa i went on serch to see your profiles , waiting to see the stories

XOXO

Your most sassy sweet school friend Simran 

Yeaa not just school the sassiest , sweetest so friend so far , if you were around would have hugged you and cried my eyes out