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Best way to describe how I feel about you is in pairs of polarities. Like when I said I’m both attracted to you and repelled. Was kinda joking by being ‘facetious’ but also real. This is why

You make me feel full and also really empty

I trust you but I can’t trust you

I feel like you’re empathetic and apathetic

As if you care about me but you really don’t

Like you’re genuine and maybe manipulative

And what I thought is special is nothing to you

i care about you a lot and then feel like I shouldn’t

it’s possible having both sides is just part of being human. and it’s possible you aren’t really both sides of each pair as strongly as it seems to me. but this is you specific to me. so this is a honest reflection of how I feel. and can probably be explained more.