:(

I am feeling like shattering glass. How a building feels when it collapses within itself. I feel paralyzed. Beyond the grief to the numbness. If this is how a heartbreak feels, then my "first love" was nothing.

My mind is singing dirges trying to silence the screams; the screams that fight to be louder than the pounding of this organ. This experience in a phrase: i-honestly-don't-know.

I like to believe i loved him(who am i kidding, I freaking love him). Now i am stuck in a loop, thoughts giving birth to more thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me? I am this unlovable. He turned cold in a day. Froze up to the brim. He doesn't even wish to see me and i ask, is this how much trauma i can cause. I stop here, mainly because i have shit to do and also because i get disgusted by every letter i add to this desperate runt.